Beautifully expressed. I find myself here holidays and other special days. My Tom 's 39th birthday is Sunday, January 11. He ended his life Feb. 16, 2007, almost 8 years ago, and 8 years after his brother's death in a car accident. Roller coaster for me since 1999. I've often said - I survived because here at webhealing I could check in 24/7, when I couldn't sleep, when I needed to hear something other than it's been a year time to get over it. My family - I'm blessed, I know, that our sons' deaths did not destroy our marriage - has done a good job in rebuilding our life. New life - our two grandchildren - has made an amazing difference. I am, indeed, happy. But, as I've often said - losing a child is akin to chopping off a limb and hemorrhaging for the rest of your life. Or as I once read- your heart is broken into a million pieces, and you spend the rest of your life trying to put them all back together again. I've written here before: I try to live my life in a way that honors my sons.