Author Topic: grief over spouse's disability  (Read 17139 times)

Sally1950

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grief over spouse's disability
« on: March 03, 2014, 07:33:04 AM »
besides losing my daughter and anticipating the death of my mother-in-law, I am grieving over the change in my husband of 43 years. he has muscular dystrophy and is gradually losing the use of his hands. he is an artist and is depressed that he can't paint, draw or sculpt anymore. i had to change all the doorknobs into door handles so he could open a door. we had to buy him clothes with no buttons or zippers. now he can't open the toothpaste. of course, he is too proud to admit that he can't do things, so he takes it out on me by getting angry at me

Terry

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Re: grief over spouse's disability
« Reply #1 on: March 10, 2014, 01:45:12 PM »

Sally....I'm sorry to hear this about your husband. He probably feels useless so he's understandably angry. Maybe try letting him know how much he is still needed by asking him to perform certain tasks (that he is able to or maybe even very willing to) or even asking for his advice. And, reassuring him that his strength and ability to cope is helping you, also to deal with the many struggles that are weighing so heavy on you at this time in your life.

I think I would be pretty cranky, too but it sure would lift my spirits to know someone greatly depended on me for some of their needs.

Just a thought. :icon_flower:

Keep us updated on how he's doing.

Love,
Terry

AC Mom

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Re: grief over spouse's disability
« Reply #2 on: March 11, 2014, 03:02:20 PM »
Hi Sally,

I just somehow lost a long post I had made to you, this one is gonna be the readers digest version. lol

Your husband is probably feeling a bit of a failure right now.  Its hard to realize you are not going to be able to do things that brought you pleasure.  Its difficult to ask others to do things for you when you have done them your entire life.

I have a neurological condition called Essential Tremor.  I am slowly loosing use of my hands.  The left one is almost useless already.  Its genetic, and I have no idea how much farther it may progress, because my Dad died very young and he was the genetic link.  There are medications that might work, they don't for me, have tried them all.

Terry had some very good advice. 

Will keep you and your husband in prayers. 

Love
Peggy

Sally1950

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Re: grief over spouse's disability
« Reply #3 on: April 04, 2014, 09:07:40 AM »
I have to find a way to convert our lamps that have little wheels/knobs for on/off. maybe gluing something larger to them would help. he can't turn the lamps on anymore. also toothpaste caps have become a problem. I try to anticipate his needs and buy him various tools to help him, but I can't find any tool that is small enough for a lamp or toothpaste cap.

Doug1222

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Re: grief over spouse's disability
« Reply #4 on: April 04, 2014, 11:06:09 AM »
They make toothpaste in a pump, Sally. I'd try that.

My wife's uncle is very bad with Parkinson's. He's had it for a long time, but he's gone way downhill in the last year. We went to his 75th birthday party last weekend, and it's the first time he wasn't responsive at all. He would come and go for a long time, but this time he didn't even seem to know who was there.

When we see them again, I could see what his wife's done for different things.

AC Mom

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Re: grief over spouse's disability
« Reply #5 on: April 04, 2014, 01:31:10 PM »
Sally,

I have a small pair of pliers that I use for a lot of things, that may work for the lamps.  They are about 4 inches long.  I have had them so long I don't know where I bought them, but probably in a craft department somewhere. lol  I was recently in Napa Auto Parts and they had all sorts of small tools, in containers on the counter by the register.

Also, a lot of lamps have knobs on them that just screw in, and can be replaced with different knobs.  Lowes has replacement knobs.

Love
Peggy


Sally1950

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Re: grief over spouse's disability
« Reply #6 on: April 10, 2014, 07:28:26 AM »
thanks for the ideas. I went to look for replacement knobs, but they all were the same size. I'm going to glue some popsickle sticks and see if that is easier to turn. I remember toothpaste in a pump, haven't noticed it lately, will look next time I shop.
he has a small pair of pliers that he uses for lots of things. also 3 different tools to open things, but none work on really small things.  he can't grip the pliers properly to use on the lamps, they are too small. by the time he gets them on the knob properly, his hand goes to sleep and he drops them.

Terry

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Re: grief over spouse's disability
« Reply #7 on: April 10, 2014, 09:43:55 PM »

Hi Sally - I just Googled toothpaste in a pump and it's sold at Target, WalMart, lots of places. Check out the web for places near you.

I don't see why you can't just use an empty soap container, hand cream, etc and fill it up with toothpaste. Soap is thick so that pump should be fine. You could even enlarge the entry with a pair of scissors, knife, etc. so it slides out easier.

Just a thought. Good Luck.

Love,
Terry

Sally1950

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Re: grief over spouse's disability
« Reply #8 on: November 14, 2014, 09:44:36 AM »
just ordered a bunch of stuff on line, things to help turn on lamps, big handle for recliner chair, etc. he is trying to draw again! got him a different kind of wood burner and he can use it to draw on wood. I hope this all works.

Terry

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Re: grief over spouse's disability
« Reply #9 on: November 18, 2014, 09:16:16 AM »

(((((((Sally)))))))
:love9: