New Member. Getting Lonely

[RobbieR]

Hello, I have been reading some of the posts here for a few days and finally decided to join. About 7 weeks ago I lost the love of my life (Anne) to colon cancer. She was 52. We were married in June 1979. She was 17 and I was 21. We practically raised each other. We have a son (Bobby) age 32 and daughter (Erin) age 30. Also a 2 year old grandson (Davis). My wife worked at a local bank as a loan assistant.

Anne was the bravest person I have ever known. For 16 months she fought the disease with an amazing positive attitude. Through 2 surgeries, months of chemo and 2 rounds if radiation, she never gave up because of her love for her family. She worked up until 5 weeks before she passed away. She wanted to live our lives as normal as possible. For over 34 years of marriage I could not have been happier. She wanted to get better so we could take Davis hiking in the mountains one day.

After almost 7 weeks have passed and I guess I have been doing about as well as I possibly could considering everything. I think that is due to my faith in God and a lot of good friends that text me and call often. Unfortunately, a lot of my support team may be moving on without me. I am not mad at anyone because they just don't get it. I used to be like that myself. When I wake up I am sad and the tears come when I pass by the bank. I can't even go in there. Coming home to an empty house after work is bad too. I leave lights on so it is not dark. No more hot meals on the table and no more " how was your day sweetie". I'm just so lonely right now. Today I was having a bad day at work ( they don't get it either). I wanted to call Anne for advice. She was my biggest fan. I believe I can make it through this pain eventually but I need reinforcements. That's why I am here.    Robbie

[DaveB]

Hey Robbie, glad you found this place, but so sorry you have to be here. I'm really sorry for the loss of your wife Anne. This place was a lifeline for me in the early days when I thought I was losing my mind (I'm a little over 3 years out now). There's usually someone around here to listen if you need to talk, shout, ramble, whatever...I know I did my share of it.

Our stories sound similar, my wife was 52 also, we were going on 27 years of marriage, have one 28 year old son. I know what you mean about your support moving on. It's to be expected I guess, they haven't lost the very core of their lives. And the loneliness...I still struggle with that. I don't like going home to an empty house. But at three years, I'm learning to live around it I guess. There are days when I am almost content with where I am, other days when things come crashing down, though not as often. I just keep going through the days one at a time.

[Terry]

((((((Robbie))))))

I'm so sorry for the great loss of your precious wife, Ann. Welcome to webhealing and as Dave mentioned there is always someone here to listen day or night. And, we always want to hear about your precious Ann whenever you want to share.
Something we usually don't think about early when grieving is how important it is to take care of ourselves as grief zaps our immune systems. Rest if you can't sleep. Drink plenty of water. Try to get a little exercise, walking, etc.

Know that we understand the pain of loss and we are all here for you. Unlike friends who will move on quickly, we will always be in the moment with you and your memories of Ann.

With love & understanding,
Terry

[mousewife]

Robbie,

I am so sorry that you lost the love of your life. I know about the lonliness and everyone else moving on.  My husband, Jeff, died a little over 6 and a half years ago, from glioblastoma brain cancer.  We went through two surgeries, radiation, chemo and trial chemo, so I understand much of what you went through with your wife.  It's all so hard.

Losing your wife so near the holidays has got to be really hard.  I don't think I could have handled that.  I still have a hard time, especially at Christmas, but part of that is because all of my family is gone, but for a brother who has never really wanted to be a brother to me.

When I knew my husband was going to die, I prayed for God to let it be sometime before Easter, because that was the only special day that I felt I could survive for the first time without him.  God answered that prayer; he died the Sunday before Palm Sunday.

I hope you will make it through this time OK,  I will pray for you if that's OK.  It does get easier but it's a process, and there will be days when you have setbacks.  Again, I'm so sorry you have to go through this.  I wish none of us had to do it.

Peace and Healing,
mousewife

[browneyedgirl]

Welcome, Robbie.  I am so very sorry for the loss of your wife, Ann.  As you can see you have come to the right place.  We are here for you, and we all care. 

I am so very sorry, again, for your loss. 

[Diane5636]

Robbie,
I am so sorry for your loss. I am also sorry for your loneliness. I lost my husband (also age 52] eight months ago. I wish I could tell you a magic solution to grieving and feeling alone, but there isn't one. I have kept it all at bay with friends, work, pets, and writing (I started blogging.) But I have also found it important to stop and be sad/cry/scream when I need to. I wish you strength and hugs,
Diane

[MyLou]

((((((( ROBBIE ))))))))

I'm so sorry for the loss of your Ann.  This is a very hard journey were on.  We are here for you.  Please  take one sec, min, hour , day a time.  Yes, yell , scream , cry let it out. You will take two steps forward and maybe 10 steps back but that's OK. You just try again.  

I loss My Lou , 3 yrs ago (he was 52 too).  I miss him with all my heart and soul.  I know he will always be with me.

Remember Ann will always be with you.  

Just giving suggestions there are support groups out there.  I would journal not as often now but it did help.

We all grieve different.  Just know we are here for you. I wish I had that magic wand to take this all from us.

I can tell you this grief gets different as time goes on. All I seen was darkness for along time but now I have some light.

Sending you, peace, hope, faith, and love


Always,

Lisa

[RobbieR]

Thank you all for your heartfelt reply's. One thing that seems to help me the most is to talk about Anne to others. Some of her close friends allow me to do that because they seem to like talking about her. I also enjoy reading the stories of others. It makes me feel not so alone to know there are so many going through the same process. This place gives me both. I started a journal the day she passed away and have kept it going every day since. That has helped me in a big way. Its kinda like talking to someone about my feelings at the time.

Dave- Our stories are similar. 52 seems so young these days. I am 55 and still enjoy physical activities I have done for years such as tennis and backpacking. I hope I feel like doing them again one day. Right now its just going through the motions like you said one day at a time.

Terry- I have tried going to the gym a few times and it helps. I want to take care of myself. At first I just didn't care

Mousewife- This is a very hard time of year because Anne loved it so much. I feel as though I should push through it with as many Robbie Smiles as I can because thats what she wants from me. Her stocking is up too with me and the kids. I am sorry you had to deal with cancer like me. I was always one of the ones that thought that happened to "the other guy"  You can pray for me anytime. I welcome all prayers.

Browneyedgirl-I see where you lost Tony at such a young age. Thank you for being there for me.

Diane- I see your husband was 52 as well. I thank you for the strength and hugs. I do cry some everyday. It really helps. I don't see how anyone could hold it in and make it.

Lisa- Wow, another 52 year old. It sounds like your Lou IS very special.I know Anne is with me everyday. I see unique cloud formations and think of her. She loved that. I feel her warmth in our home too. So far it has been a real up and down ride and I don't expect it will change. I am fortunate to have such a special family around me. My wife thought my daughter was like me. I'm not the strongest person when it comes to tough times. She has come through in an amazing way. She even looks like her mom. I know Anne will always be with me, and hearing that after time I will see some light makes me happy. Thank you for the peace, hope, faith and love.

I too am sorry for the loss that each of you has had to endure. Maybe soon I will be able to write something for some of you that will make your day better like you have mine.

To a better tomorrow
Robbie

[DebbieThompson]

Robbie,
My husband was also 52 , he passed 2 years ago from cancer. Seems like time has flown by.Yet  you are right the  loneliness is the worse thing and it would really would hit me at night time, during the day I would be busy, yet the minute  I would get home it would hit. All I can say grief has not time limit and know there is always someone  to talk to !  Debbie

[RobbieR]

Debbie, I am sorry for your loss. It is so good to be able to say things to others that understand how it feels to be in this position. No matter how good my day goes, I still have nothing to look forward to. Today I stopped by the gym for the first time in a while. It felt good and kind of normal. Then leaving I had to pass by the bank where Anne worked and all I could see was her bright smile coming out the door for one of our occasional lunch dates. My heart broke again. Then on to the house. It wasn't too bad. My daughter was staying the night so she could make Christmas candy. Nice to have her here. She makes candy like her mom!

[jbryant]

Iam so sorry for your for the early departure of your soulmate as cancer took mine as well welcome to Webhealing its a great place as you have seen always here always open may your journey be blessed as you walk this path