Author Topic: Still can't believe she's gone  (Read 10160 times)

grizzycat119

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Still can't believe she's gone
« on: April 30, 2013, 11:11:50 AM »
 :tearyeyed:Hello.

     First let me introduce myself and say hello.  My name is Christy, and I'm 35.  I have a great job.  But all I do is cry.  I never thought that 2 weeks after my 35th birthday, I'd be saying "Goodbye" to my Mom.  She had been sick for some time but we all were thinking she was just fatigued.  She had a massive stroke on September 9th, 2012.  The day before, she was slurring her speech.  I knew something was wrong but I could not for the life of me, get her to get to a hospital.  I'll never forget the last time I had contact with her.  She wanted chocolate milk and some yogurt.  My nasty ungrateful self centered sister, decided to treat Mom like crap, calling her a drama queen etc.  All because Mom was too sick to look at her Beloved engagement photos.  I knew something was wrong.  I knew it.  Mom had asked her to get her chocolate milk but Ms. Self centered, the one Mom gave everything to, crapped on her in the end. 

     I remember, I gave Mom her hot chocolate, turned on her fan and said "Good night."  Before I knew, they were wheeling her outa the house on a gurney unresponsive and mumbling mumbo jumbo nonsense.  To make a very long story short, we took her off the machines on September 13, 2012.  Mom lived 6 hours.  Towards the end, I prayed God would take her.  Because her breathing was sooo awful. 

     Mom was 57, when she had the massive stroke that killed her.  Ever since Mom's death, I cry everyday thinking how much I blame that ungrateful daughter of hers, had crapped on her.  Ever since Mom's death, my sister has tried to rule me, she's put me in the hospital  for stress related headaches.  Mommy wasn't even dead a day, when my sister went through her jewelry, her credit cards, etc.  I blame her for Mom's death.   I cry everyday, and I'm told by my sister to "shut the F Up.  Mom died!  Get over it."  How can you?  I believe my sister has snapped.  She has now assumed my Mom's identity.  By doing the same things Mom did, from drinking Mom's tea to driving Mom's car and wearing Mom's clothes.  My Dad is 60 years old.  And so why can't he enjoy his life and retirement.  Instead, he's being ruled by the ungrateful 26-year-old self centered daughter and son-in-law. 

     This Mother's day, is the first without my Mom.  I think I'll just stay in bed and sleep the entire day.      Because I don't want to feel the never ending pain.  When will this pain end?  Why can't God just take me too.  Why did Mom leave without me.
« Last Edit: April 30, 2013, 01:10:42 PM by grizzycat119 »
Christy

Terry

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    • “Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” –Vicki Harrison
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Re: Still can't believe she's gone
« Reply #1 on: April 30, 2013, 09:13:47 PM »

Hi Christy! Welcome to Webhealing!

I'm sorry you're having to live without your precious Mother. Mother's Day and any date celebrating their life and ones we shared together, along with the memories that come flooding in, can be very difficult.

There's no way of knowing for certain anyone's future. I hear the pain in your words sharing of your Mom's fatigue and wondering how her death could have been so near. We just don't think of our parents dying that young and at any age, it's devastating.

Regarding your sister: you may need to set some boundaries with her in regards to the problems you've shared. Eight months is not a long time to be grieving especially when your Mom's death was so unexpected. You both are probably going to need more time to adjust to this harsh reality of her death as the pain is still so raw. Time and patience. And, please know I understand how difficult this time is for you.

Thanks so much for your introduction and sharing of your precious Mom, sister and how you've been doing. I'd love to hear more when you feel up to it.

Take care of you right now the best you can. Resting and eating well are so important.

You have my love and understanding, :love9:
Terry

grizzycat119

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Re: Still can't believe she's gone
« Reply #2 on: May 01, 2013, 11:22:50 AM »
Hello and thank you for your comforting message.  For a while, I blamed God, I blamed the neurosurgeons, I blamed everyone.  The only one who really kept me sane is my boyfriend.  If it weren't for him, I wouldn't be getting up outa bed to go to work.  Church also, has filled my time.  Christmas, I went to a family friends and cried the whole time so I had to leave.  Her Birthday was the worst.  She would've been 58, on December 1 of last year.  I just stayed in bed. 

     My boyfriend's Mom, she wants me to come over on Mother's day and be all happy happy joy joy.  How can I be?  My Mom is gone.  She gets to live until she's in her 60's?  That's not fair.  And she smoked like a feend but she's still here...  Mom took good care of herself and she's dead!  I hate that!  Maybe I'll just sleep the entire weekend. 

     Yesterday, I found the Mommy and me banquet tickets I bought last year for this year.  My church has a Mommy and Me banquet dinner.  We used to go to tea, mom me and my sister.  I'm so angry!  Someone suggested I bring my boyfriend's Mom to the Mommy and me banquet dinner.  What.  Is she supposed to be my Mom's replacement?  Hardly!  I'm so angryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! 
Christy

Terry

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Re: Still can't believe she's gone
« Reply #3 on: May 01, 2013, 01:10:16 PM »

For a while, I blamed God, I blamed the neurosurgeons, I blamed everyone.  The only one who really kept me sane is my boyfriend. 


There's a time period where we need to blame someone in order to try and make sense of a death, even though there is no one to blame. We live and we die and sometimes it's due to sickness and at other times, it's sudden and we're unaware of any illness. Very young people and very old people alike. Death does not discriminate. Then we reach a point when we own our pain (that's only after doing the work of grief) and the blame is no longer an issue the way it was earlier on. I'm glad to know your boyfriend is supportive and has helped you along this journey.

Maybe the invitation from your boyfriend's Mom was a caring gesture as having others to spend Mother's Day with may help you on that very difficult day?

We miss our loved ones especially when there's an event where we used to attend together and are no longer able to. I understand. My Mom died suddenly at 48 years old. My son found her. Sudden death. That was in 1977 but there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of her. I was in my early twenties when she died and I couldn't imagine a life without her. But, now I know that she is always with me and I remember how funny she was and thoughts of her always bring a smile. But, that took a long time.

Time and patience! And, follow your heart in regards to how you will honor your Mom on Mother's Day. :icon_flower:

Hugs,
Terry