We all know about all the "firsts" that first year after the death of our child. Being 10 years in, I thought I was done with those horrible firsts.
At AC's memorial service their were 2 little girls sitting in the corner. They were trying to act all grown up, as their parents had told them too. Occasionally they cried, occasionally they were hanging on to their Dad, or they would come give me a hug. They both wondered why their "Uncle Al" had to die. And no one could give them a answer.
Both those little girls are grown now. Life goes on, even after our kids die. Both are married now. Both have presented their Dad's with their first grandchild.
Thru the past 10 years, AC has missed a lot. But, I always knew he was at my neices wedding (the one he called his little sis), he was at the birth of her kids, he was there when we thought her youngest wasn't going to make it thru the night, after accidently getting into medication. I knew he was there when my nephew got married, the one that said he would never get married.
But, I never thought, seeing my nephews, who were more like brothers to AC than cousins, hold their first grandchild would be one of those "firsts" that would send me into that dark place I hate.
I knew someday all those little kids that AC loved, would grow up and have kids he would never meet. But, I never thought of what it might do to me.
AC will never hold his first grandchild, or the grandkids of the cousins he loved so much...... And its just not fair.
Love
Peggy