The reason I am such a constant irriation here is because you are all my LIFE-LINE! Being able to express my feelings in writing - even so horrible as it mostly is - and it is....this....YOU...are my life-line. I feel literaly like I'm cracking up these days. Perhaps I have what they call 'complicated grief'. Knowing me that's probably true. (Don't you just love all these medical 'labels' - ! But I guess we all have to work with 'something'.)
We're all here for the same reason, Helene. We lost someone and we're struggling. It helps to know that there are others that can relate and understand, and more than that, offer compassion, love.
I can remember earlier in my grief when someone came onto the board and was talking about complicated grief and though I said nothing, I was so irritated as I didn't understand what they were referring to. I felt that all grief was complicated. Saying the words without an explanation, helps no one. Well, it turned out that my grief WAS complicated. I was unable to grieve for my son as so soon after I had so many responsibilities and others who depended on me for their well being. I put my grief on hold and by the end of the second year...BAM, I came crashing down. Hard. It wasn't until the third year, that I was even able to think about my life again. Living it.
I've thought a lot about complicated grief and how I, too was 'stuck' in my grief. I couldn't move. There are so many factors that can cause PGD; the relationship we had or didn't have with the person who died; guilt; regrets; even childhood issues. Our emotional stability due to caring for them, work issues, family, etc., before that person died plays a huge factor and even how we handled the problems in our lives before their death. They all come to play when we're grieving.
I've thought a lot about it recently as so many of us had issues with the relationship at the time of their death (we're all human, right?) so I decided to start a thread on Complicated Grief and hopefully, those who may recognize the similarities will share of them and as this series progresses and we dig deeper into how delicately this needs to be treated, a light may shine for many. That is my hope. If I knew then, what I know now....I wouldn't have struggled as severely.
Complicated Grief Series: http://webhealing.com/forums/index.php/topic,7568.msg53649/boardseen.html#new
When you're online, stop by and read the articles and view the videos and if you can relate, then that's great. That's a start. A huge first step.
I've shared many times, Helene and it's from my heart that the members here have been a Life-Line for me through these years. I need people. I always will. If we can't be open with our feelings on here, then where does that leave us?
You are NEVER an irritation. You're dealing with a lot right now and we're always here to help you.
Hold on, precious one.
You have my love,