Author Topic: the anger stage of grief  (Read 986 times)

IMUM

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the anger stage of grief
« on: January 16, 2012, 03:11:22 PM »
hi there.
for the past few days, i have been very annoyed with my husband. he arrived home from work and is home for 6 days now, but for some reason i have these expectations of him to be superdad.
we got to step out alone to the grocery store sans kids, and as i strolled through the aisles i started to feel a bit anxious, and as i wondered why i was getting anxious i couldnt come up with an answer, so i rolled with it and it passed. it was just a quick feeling of anxiety and i was able to just avert my mind onto the groceries i needed.
anyways, today i did my thing\ ran my girl to playschool and went to a quiet coffee shop to have some tea and read. but i decided id be mean and text my husband and tell him what i found utterly annoying about him and accuse him of not knowing his role as a father when he gets in. also i have being feeling really lonely these days, and have been questioning if i have a husband whos gonna stand by me thru the bad days. but i couldnt get the courage to speak to him because i was fearful he'd tell me" oh this topic again" so i have stopped "burdening him with my grief.
 i come from an alcoholic home where my mom who has passed was the alcoholic. at a young age i learned to numb out my feelings and to this day i am fearful that others wont listen to or understand me. so i avoid and try to deal on my own as i am so used to. the drive home i started getting really lonely and just knew id go home and feel mad that i feel i have no one to talk to anymore.

thats when i realized its the anger part of grief that i just dont deal well with, i avoid avoid avoid. because i numb out those hurtful feelings inside and in turn dont get rightfully mad at the person who has left me to feel soooo alone and sad somedays. i hate being mad at mom when shes not here but i have to be. today i felt she left me alone to hurt and no one else is gonna understand but her. when i need her the most right now shes not here. its such a crazy way of thinking but its the truth. i need her to make me feel secure and i cant have her here to hug me and listen to me without judgement.
and its super easy to get mad at those around me like my hubby, poor guy .
but i always take the plunge and open up to let him know how i feel.even though i think he wont care.but he does:)it was one of those question my sanity days, like whoa, where did that crazy thought come from. and whoa ive been doing so good and wham, sadness lonely ness and anger, where did you come from?!!
i absolutely hate having  a weak day, mentally. and i still get annoyed that grief is work that i dont want to do.sigh. and have found i am not alone with these feelings. its harder for me to go back to those feelings once they go away and when they return im not that prepared, but  i do turn to my grief and first think maybe this is the anger in your grief journey. its my least favorite stage but also the hardest for me to deal with, cause i think its counter productive and also i have my dads voice in the back of my head saying" well melody shes gone now" so i feell im a bit late in telling her how she made me feel growing up . as much as she has hurt me with her substance abuse, i still loved her like you owuldnt believe because i knew deep down she had a heart of gold, and that her life wasnt all roses and butterflies.
i spoke to her and got mad at her for leaving me here all broken and lonely. and i cried and let her have it. i know that grief is a roller coaster but man, this one was a toughy. i just avoid all anger at all costs and i still work on that.lets hope next time im feeling down and out my husband doesnt get the shit end of it.

thanks for listening. it was a tough 2 days of loneliness. i needed to vent.and i made my hubby reassure me that hes there for me no matter what, and i know he is but i need to hear it more.

melody:)

Terry

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Re: the anger stage of grief
« Reply #1 on: January 18, 2012, 01:30:30 AM »

Hi Melody,

Have you tried writing your mom a letter and telling her how you feel?

Sending hugs and understanding,

(((((((Melody)))))))

Love,
Terry
"One thing I've learned on this journey (it's been a year and a few days since my husband, Tom, died of cancer), is that in the beginning, there is a lot of the one-step-forward-two-steps-back shuffle." - RobinBlue - Spouse Loss