Author Topic: Holiday Tips/Ideas/Articles  (Read 18938 times)

roseygirl61

  • nospam
  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 66
    • View Profile
Re: Holiday Tips/Ideas/Articles
« Reply #15 on: October 12, 2011, 06:32:27 PM »
I'm new here have read some posts and realize just how much the Holidays are going to be way too hard this year. :(
My husband passed away the end of May, it was such a shock, I was numb for weeks and sometimes think I am still just numb.  On his birthday, August 22nd my nephew passed away, again unexpected.  I don't know which way to turn at this point. I have a 15 year old son, so I think I have to go through the motions I just don't know where to get the strength to do it any more.  I'm soo very worried about Matt, my son, that I don't think I have taken the proper steps of greiving myself.
It's time to take those steps for proper healing, just don't know where to begin.  Sometimes i think I'm going crazy, can't sleep or think straight, forget things and am just in a fog. Yes I beleive the Holidays are going to be real tough!

jasonkl

  • nospam
  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 485
    • View Profile
Re: Holiday Tips/Ideas/Articles
« Reply #16 on: October 12, 2011, 07:50:51 PM »
Roseygirl61
 Sorry for your loss. I lost my Jen in the middle of augest it was unexpected. I was numb for weeks and still found I'm numb alot. I have a 17 year old son who I thought wasn't dealing with the loss of his mother, I have talk with him he is just in his own way. He has been trying to stay strong for me, aparentlly when I thought I was hiding some of my greif from him I wasn't doing a very good job.  I don't know if ther any proper steps for healing. Everyone I have talked to has there own way of healing. This journey we are all on seems to be alittle differnt for all of us.
 
[Sometimes i think I'm going crazy, can't sleep or think straight, forget things and am just in a fog.
[/quote]
I feel like that all the time .

oneangel

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 79
    • View Profile
Re: Holiday Tips/Ideas/Articles
« Reply #17 on: October 12, 2011, 07:52:20 PM »
roseygirl61: I know exactly how you feel. I still feel that way after almost two years since my husband has passed. The holidays are going to be difficult. Allow yourself to be sad, cry or whatever helps. I also understand about not grieving properly because of the kids. I have a 7, 6 and 2 year old. I am always wondering how they are feeling which just adds to my stress. Maybe you can ask your son to help you come up with a way that just the two of you can do to remember your husband during the holidays. My kids are younger so we came up with taking a treat to the mausoleum and eating it with their dad. It makes them feel like they are still celebrating with him.
I wish you strength during these upcoming difficult times.

Terry

  • Administrator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 5835
    • “Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” –Vicki Harrison
    • View Profile
Re: Holiday Tips/Ideas/Articles
« Reply #18 on: October 12, 2011, 11:51:36 PM »

I'm new here have read some posts and realize just how much the Holidays are going to be way too hard this year. :(
My husband passed away the end of May, it was such a shock, I was numb for weeks and sometimes think I am still just numb.  On his birthday, August 22nd my nephew passed away, again unexpected.  I don't know which way to turn at this point. I have a 15 year old son, so I think I have to go through the motions I just don't know where to get the strength to do it any more.  I'm soo very worried about Matt, my son, that I don't think I have taken the proper steps of greiving myself.
It's time to take those steps for proper healing, just don't know where to begin.  Sometimes i think I'm going crazy, can't sleep or think straight, forget things and am just in a fog. Yes I beleive the Holidays are going to be real tough!

Hi Rosie, Welcome to Webhealing!

I'm so sorry for the recent loss of your husband and that of your nephew. Please send your sister my love and let her know there is support here for the loss of her precious son.

There are many articles posted and will continue to be for those struggling with the holiday season. It is the most difficult time of the year as it is all about family and what's most difficult, even moreso is the fact that it isn't just one day. It is months and the build up can be overwhelming. Please know we are here for you in every way.

My heart goes out to your son, Matt also. Such a fragile and confusing age, anyway and to have to deal with the loss of his Dad and his cousin, must be so trying for him.

I feel you've already taken those steps to seek healing by sharing your story and your feelings. There is nothing more important after losing someone we love so much, than to talk/share about them and how we're feeling as much as we can. I don't think you're going crazy, at all. That numb feeling and the inability to concentrate or think straight is normal when grieving, especially this early in your grief.

Try to take good care of yourself by resting, even if you can't sleep and snacking often on healthy foods and drinking plenty of water. Thinking back, I sure wish I would have taken better care of myself, but it's just too easy not to, when grieving a great loss.

Jason and Angela have shared their stories and offered support and caring as they can relate to the same difficulties when grieving and I'm sure you'll hear from many others. We make it one day at a time and with a lot of help from our friends. The people on these boards are awesome!

I look forward to hearing more about your precious husband when you are comfortable doing so. Feel free to post day or night as there is always someone here.

Sending hugs and lots of love,

((((((Rosie))))))

My Love,
Terry
"One thing I've learned on this journey (it's been a year and a few days since my husband, Tom, died of cancer), is that in the beginning, there is a lot of the one-step-forward-two-steps-back shuffle." - RobinBlue - Spouse Loss

arthur

  • nospam
  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 298
  • ((Maureen))
    • View Profile
Re: Holiday Tips/Ideas/Articles
« Reply #19 on: November 14, 2011, 09:08:23 AM »
I literally got fresh xmas wreaths a few minutes ago from boy scouts.I didn't stop to think about it..but its the 1st and mybe the onlything I'll put up for xmas this year. I find myself looking at all the holiday preparations like I'm inside of a glass bubble, seperated from it all and detached from the anticipation and joy that is prevalent at this time of year. To me, like it is to everyone else who posts here, its just another day without the love of my life. Its really cold outside and the ice is forming on the lakes, but I feel like I am already encased in ice.

jasonkl

  • nospam
  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 485
    • View Profile
Re: Holiday Tips/Ideas/Articles
« Reply #20 on: November 15, 2011, 08:40:01 AM »
I need some advice. I currently live with my bother and his family. He has a 2 year old son. Last year he put up a big holiday display. At this moment in time I'm unsure if I can handle see it or not. My son on the other hand is agaist any decorations at all, but he still wants to exchange gifts. I'm torn not sure how to handle any of this. My range of emontions have been very up and down lately. Open to any ideas on thi

Jason

gaberax

  • nospam
  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 252
    • View Profile
Re: Holiday Tips/Ideas/Articles
« Reply #21 on: November 16, 2011, 11:30:16 AM »
Jasonkl,

Not exactly facing the same issues as you but one of my twin daughters has completed college and will move in with me this Friday.  She wants a tree, decorations and the works.  I really don't want to do that.  I think we will have to come to some sort of agreement.

I am going to ask her to attend a few of the GriefShare meetings I attend now.  I want her to understand, in some small way, the pain I am dealing with.  Perhaps she will understand then.

As to your situation, I am not qualified to offer anything that might help you in your situation.  Perhaps you and your son could go on a trip during the holidays?  I know that's not much of an answer but it is hard to runaway from Christmas.  I've thought about it and I see no other option for myself than to put my head down and plow through it.  I just don't want to do all the decorations, tree trimming and constant hoopla that goes with it.  Maybe in doable doses but scaled back from the old normal.

Good luck.

oneangel

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 79
    • View Profile
Re: Holiday Tips/Ideas/Articles
« Reply #22 on: November 18, 2011, 06:58:24 AM »
I really did not have a choice but to decorate since I have small children and didn't want to take that away from them too. My husband also said before he left, that I was to continue on the traditions and I didn't want to let him down. I definitely scaled down though, more because of the lack of energy. I found though that, decorations or not, my feelings didn't change, but I had some pleasure in seeing my kids happy to see the Christmas stuff out. I know of a family who lost her husband, they went away for that first Christmas. Maybe a good idea for some.

MyLou

  • nospam
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 761
    • View Profile
Re: Holiday Tips/Ideas/Articles
« Reply #23 on: November 25, 2011, 03:46:11 AM »
Terry,

Thank you for all the tips.  I know once again the holidays will be hard for me.  Last year I was a zombie and I might go into the mode again. 

I am def going to light the candles.  I light a candle every once in awhile for Lou while I am just laying around thinking.  I've been to church and lite candles in his name.  I love this idea of the 4 candles and I will do it every year now going forward.

A HOLIDAY MEMORIAL FOR [YOUR LOVED ONE]

As we light these 4 candles in honor of you, we light one for our grief, one for our courage, one for our memories, and one for our love.

This candle represents our grief. The pain of losing you is intense. It reminds us of the depth of our love for you.

This candle represents our courage – to confront our sorrow, to comfort each other, to change our lives.

This candle is in your memory – the times we laughed, the times we cried, the times we were angry with each other, the silly things you did, the caring and joy you gave us.

This candle is the light of love. As we enter this holiday season day by day we cherish the special place in our hearts that will always be reserved for you. We thank you for the gift your living brought to each of us. We love you.

And then you can say their name.

When should I light the candles?  Anytime or Christmas Day?

Thank you for always being here for us.  You always have the kindest and sweetest words. 

((((((((((((((((( TERRY ))))))))))))))))))

Love always,

Lisa
"Soulmates Forever"

I miss you every second of everyday My Love

I know I will see you again

Terry

  • Administrator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 5835
    • “Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” –Vicki Harrison
    • View Profile
Re: Holiday Tips/Ideas/Articles
« Reply #24 on: November 30, 2011, 09:31:09 PM »

(((Lisa)))

I really like the idea of the candles, too and what they represent as each one is lit. This particular group lit them at an event around the holidays, but I assume that anytime you would like to honor Lou by the lighting of these candles, and as you shared making it a tradition every year, could be lit at any time. That would be your personal choice.

I am going to pick out four tomorrow and set them up. It will just be me and Dad here so for me, too it can be any time. I was thinking of picking out a real pretty wreath. Plain but I can add little balls and wrapped gifts with my babies names on them. I'll add my Momma....everyone. I better find a big wreath and start planning!

Candle light is beautiful, isn't it? I always enjoy it.

Thanks for such a nice message. I appreciate it!

(((((Lisa)))))

Love,
Terry
"One thing I've learned on this journey (it's been a year and a few days since my husband, Tom, died of cancer), is that in the beginning, there is a lot of the one-step-forward-two-steps-back shuffle." - RobinBlue - Spouse Loss

MyLou

  • nospam
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 761
    • View Profile
Re: Holiday Tips/Ideas/Articles
« Reply #25 on: December 04, 2011, 06:07:58 AM »
Terry,

Yes, the candle light is beautiful.  I've been looking for 4 green candles.  Of course looks like everyone is buying them up.  Lou's favorite candle was green. 

Did you buy your wreath yet?   That is so beautiful what you are doing with the wreath. 

I also want to say, that I always think of you and your pain that you hold.  You are always here for us and I want to let you know I am here for you too.

(((((((((((((((((( TERRY ))))))))))))))))))))))

Love always,

Lisa
"Soulmates Forever"

I miss you every second of everyday My Love

I know I will see you again

Terry

  • Administrator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 5835
    • “Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” –Vicki Harrison
    • View Profile
Re: Holiday Tips/Ideas/Articles
« Reply #26 on: December 04, 2011, 02:38:58 PM »

Lisa,

I still haven't gotten out to shop for anything. I'm hoping in the next few days, maybe even tomorrow. When I get my wreath and candles, I'll post the picture here. I'm looking forward to shopping for them.
Terry,
I also want to say, that I always think of you and your pain that you hold.  You are always here for us and I want to let you know I am here for you too.


Thank you, Lisa. I appreciate that, so much.

When you get your candles set up, I'd love to see them! Maybe we'll start a thread for the ways we are honoring/remembering our very precious, missed loved ones this Christmas. Whether it be a card, a note or a single flower on a grave site....we all have our own way of honoring them and starting a new tradition. They deserve to be honored.

Hugs & Love,
Terry
"One thing I've learned on this journey (it's been a year and a few days since my husband, Tom, died of cancer), is that in the beginning, there is a lot of the one-step-forward-two-steps-back shuffle." - RobinBlue - Spouse Loss

johnkmurray

  • nospam
  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 295
    • View Profile
Re: Holiday Tips/Ideas/Articles
« Reply #27 on: December 06, 2011, 01:59:27 PM »
My wreath is up. Does that count as decorating? ;-)

I also got the box of lights from the garage. It made it to the living room where it sits until I get another burst of enthusiasm. As for the rest of it I haven't started shopping for the few people on my list, nor have I started Christmas cards. Really out to get moving on the latter - some are going to Australia.

John

Terry

  • Administrator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 5835
    • “Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” –Vicki Harrison
    • View Profile
Re: Holiday Tips/Ideas/Articles
« Reply #28 on: December 06, 2011, 03:04:09 PM »
Hey John!

I'm not decorating. What I was referring to in my last post here was setting up the candles and I thought they would look nice in a wreath. This way I can add whatever I choose; little wrapped gifts and balls and even maybe some white lights. I have poetry I wrote for my children, Momma and husbands that I will fold into a star and add them to the wreath, also.

This is posted under holiday tips and ideas, etc and I really like it and want to do this for all I'm missing this year. I believe that Lisa is going to do it, too. I don't feel like decorating but this is different as it is in honor of our loved ones and they all enjoyed the holidays.

I copied and pasted it below in case you hadn't read it. Let me know what you think, John.

(I would mail those cards tomorrow if they are going to Australia...hehe :))

A HOLIDAY MEMORIAL FOR YOUR LOVED ONE

As we light these 4 candles in honor of you, we light one for our grief, one for our courage, one for our memories, and one for our love.

This candle represents our grief. The pain of losing you is intense. It reminds us of the depth of our love for you.

This candle represents our courage – to confront our sorrow, to comfort each other, to change our lives.

This candle is in your memory – the times we laughed, the times we cried, the times we were angry with each other, the silly things you did, the caring and joy you gave us.

This candle is the light of love. As we enter this holiday season day by day we cherish the special place in our hearts that will always be reserved for you. We thank you for the gift your living brought to each of us. We love you.

And then you can say their name.
"One thing I've learned on this journey (it's been a year and a few days since my husband, Tom, died of cancer), is that in the beginning, there is a lot of the one-step-forward-two-steps-back shuffle." - RobinBlue - Spouse Loss

johnkmurray

  • nospam
  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 295
    • View Profile
Re: Holiday Tips/Ideas/Articles
« Reply #29 on: December 06, 2011, 07:03:05 PM »
Thanks for posting that Terry. I like the idea, and Kit did leave me with a few cnadles around the house. She loved candles. I'll do more decorating, but I think working the candle ceremony or something like it into this holiday makes sense. It'll need revision, me living alone like I do.

Oh, and I ordered stamps earlier tonight. Soon as they get here the overseas cards will go out. My first card of the season arrived the other day - from Sydney, Australia.

John