Author Topic: Board Tutorials/Guidelines/Chat Info  (Read 32094 times)

grainofsand

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Board Tutorials/Guidelines/Chat Info
« on: December 16, 2008, 01:30:13 PM »
Many thanks to Grainofsand for putting this FAQ together.  She has gathered explanations to many of the most frequently asked questions and done a great job in explaining the basics.  Feel free to post in the questions thread if you have more questions about how to use the board.



1.  How do I Start a new thread?

2.  How do I Reply to a post?

3.  How do I Post a message?

4.  What are the basics to Private Messaging?

5.  How do I Manage my profile?

6.  How do I Add a Picture to my posts or signature file?

7.  What are the basics of the CHAT

8.  How do I Use the Calendar?
« Last Edit: July 09, 2011, 07:49:05 PM by Terry »
Letter to Death: Death never looks back to see my tears or how difficult life has become now for me.
When death stops a heart, it doesn't understand that it beat with another.

grainofsand

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« Reply #1 on: December 16, 2008, 01:32:30 PM »
HOW TO START A THREAD:

Find the appropriate board (Main, Child Loss, Sibling Loss…)

If you are on the home page, just click on the BLUE title to enter that board.
To find the home page click on the   tab on the upper toolbar of the page.

You should see tabs on the top left of the thread page.  Click on  and a box opens for you to name the subject and then type your message.

Any corrections that need to be made will appear with a read underline for any misspelled or unidentified word.  To correct your spelling, put your cursor over the word and right click. You will get a drop down window that will give you options.  Choose one by left clicking on the word you want.

If you want to PREVIEW the message before you send it click on the button on the bottom.  

Click on the POST button to send.

The bottom right you will see Additional Options:
Click to open
- Choose if you want to be notified on replies to this post
-You may also paste a URL here if you want to add a picture ONLY to this post.
Visit the POSTING PICTURE post if you require more details on this topic.
« Last Edit: July 09, 2011, 07:48:19 PM by Terry »
Letter to Death: Death never looks back to see my tears or how difficult life has become now for me.
When death stops a heart, it doesn't understand that it beat with another.

grainofsand

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« Reply #2 on: December 16, 2008, 01:34:25 PM »
HOW TO REPLY TO A POST

When the thread you want to reply to is open, look on the top and on the bottom of the page and you will see tabs.

Click on   and a box opens for you to type your message.

Any corrections that need to be made will appear with a red underline for any misspelled or unidentified word.  To correct your spelling, put your cursor over the word and right click. You will get a drop down window that will give you options.  Choose one by left clicking on the word you want.

If you want to PREVIEW the message before you send it click on the button on the bottom.  

Click on the POST button to send.
« Last Edit: July 09, 2011, 07:47:41 PM by Terry »
Letter to Death: Death never looks back to see my tears or how difficult life has become now for me.
When death stops a heart, it doesn't understand that it beat with another.

grainofsand

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« Reply #3 on: December 16, 2008, 01:40:39 PM »
FAQ ABOUT POSTING:

Q. I sent my post but now I want to change something in it, can I”?
A.  YES.  You can change only your posts.  Only your post you will see tabs on the upper right to    Click on the tab, make your changes and then click on SAVE.

Q.  How do I include another persons post in mine so I don’t have to type it over and everyone knows which question or comment I am referring to?
A.  On the persons post you want to COPY you will see tabs on the upper right to    Click on the tab and you will bring up your posting area. Make sure your cursor is at the ‘end’ of the quote code area before you start typing your new post. Then send as you would a normal post.
 
You also may edit the quote by deleting any unwanted areas as long as you don’t delete the beginning code which looks something like:
Code: [Select]
[quote author=laurenE link=topic=2779.msg23918#msg23918 date=1216496087]  Keep what you want posted in here and then end quote with:..[/quote].
Always type your message after the end quote or your post will be part of it.

Q.  How to notify a moderator of a spam or possible insensitive post?
A.  Click on the “Report to moderator” that is on the bottom of the post you want to report.  You can always email one of the moderators as well with the name of the post topic and the reply #.

Q.  Do I have to check each time to see if someone posts on my thread, or will you notify me?
A.  If your profile is not set for replies (see below) then you can add that to any of your thread or replies.  Before you send your message, check the box “Notify me of replies”.  It is found on the bottom left of the posting area when you click on Additional Options.  If you sent the post already, you need to   your post.  Then go to the Additional Options.  Then check the “Notify me of relies” box.

Q.  How can I manage of all the posts I have this notification on if I want to turn one off?
You will see the current list and manage your posts on notification as well as modify the option to “Turn notification on/off when you post or reply to a topic” here:
Click on the    tab, on the left you will see Modify Profile.  Choose ‘Notifications and Emails’.  Check/uncheck box ‘Turn notification on when you post or reply to a topic’. Click on Save Settings.

Q. Is there a way to NOT show all the pictures people have when I read the posts?
A.  YES.  Click on the  tab, on the left you will see Modify Profile.  Choose ‘Look and Layout Preferences’.  Check box ‘Don't show users' signatures’. Click on Change profile button on bottom.


Q. Some people have sayings or poems at the bottom of each post. How can I get that?
A.  Click on the   tab, on the left you will see the Modify Profile.  Choose ‘Forum Profile Information’.  On the bottom you will see Signature:  Type your message there.  Click on Change Profile button on bottom.


« Last Edit: July 11, 2011, 06:53:55 PM by Terry »
Letter to Death: Death never looks back to see my tears or how difficult life has become now for me.
When death stops a heart, it doesn't understand that it beat with another.

grainofsand

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« Reply #4 on: December 16, 2008, 01:44:00 PM »
HOW TO USE PRIVATE MESSAGING

In the header of every page, on the top right you will see something like:
Hey, (your Username here), you have 2 messages, 1 are new.
Click on the blue word ‘message’ and it will bring you to the email area.

Reading a PM:
Once you click on the word ‘messages’ the box will automatically open to the READ area of emails sent to you.  On left you will see Messages topic click on 'Outbox' to see those you sent that were saved.

Writing an PM:
On left you will see Messages topic click on New Message and your typing area will appear.  

Any corrections that need to be made will appear with a read underline for any misspelled or unidentified word.  To correct your spelling, put your cursor over the word and right click. You will get a drop down window that will give you options.  Choose one by clicking on the word you want.

Same as posting, you may preview your message prior to sending. When in ‘preview’ and you want to make corrections, be sure to do that in the original typing area.

ALSO, you can send someone a PM directly from their post.  Just click on the Authors name at the left on a post and it will bring you to their profile.  Near the bottom is Additional Information: click on Send this member a personal message. You must be a member and logged on to see this option.

FAQ:

Q.   How do I find the address for the person I want to send a PM to?
A1.  If you know the Username you can type it directly in the email.  You will see that the software will also offer you suggestions to the name using the few letters you have typed.  Just continue to type the next letter if it isn’t correct.

A2.  From the Home page (click on the tab) look in the bottom area of the 'webhealing-Info Center' area.
Go to Members and click on Members List.
You will see they are all in alphabetical order.  Use the toolbar on the right and click on the Alphabet that the Username begins with.  You will have to scroll through the pages from there.  When you find the Username, click on it and their profile will appear.  Go to the bottom and under Additional Information: click on Send this member a personal message.

A3.  You can click on the Username on any of their posts and it will bring you to their profile.  Near the bottom is Additional Information: click on Send this member a personal message. You must be a member and logged on to see this option.

Q.  How can I change my PM box to show the most recent posts first?
A.  The change is done in your profile settings.  Go to the tab on the toolbar.  On the left is Modify Profile click on Look and Layout Preference. Check ‘Show most recent personal messages at top’. Click Change profile button on bottom when changes are done.

Q.  How do I reply to a PM sent to me?
A.  You can click on the  tab provided in that message.

Q. I want to delete some older PM's, how do I do that?
A.  You can check the small box at the far upper right on each message then click on the Delete Selected button.
Or you can just use the  tab on each message individually.
Last you can go to the box area on the upper left of page Preferences then Prune Messages and delete all within a specific time frame.

Q.  Why don’t I see the ‘Send this member a personal message’ area on their profile?
A.  You must be a logged on member for this to appear. Check to see you are still logged on by going to the Home Page. Towards the bottom under the Users Online area, your name should appear in blue if you are still active.  

Q.  Can I set a reminder that I have a PM waiting for me?
A.  Go to the tab  on the left is Modify Profile click on Personal Message Options and check the box ‘Show a popup when you receive new messages’.  This pop up will appear if you have unread messages when you log on.

Q.  Can I block someone from sending me PM's if I need to?
A.  YES.  The change is done in your profile settings.  Go to the tab on the left is Modify Profile click on Personal Message Options. Type in the Username.  Click on Change profile button when changes are done.
 If you are receiving inappropriate PM's, report that to a moderator.

Q.  Can I send photos on this PM?
A.  If they are smaller in size you can.  Please review HOW TO ADD PICTURES for details.
« Last Edit: September 26, 2011, 09:44:34 PM by Terry »
Letter to Death: Death never looks back to see my tears or how difficult life has become now for me.
When death stops a heart, it doesn't understand that it beat with another.

grainofsand

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« Reply #5 on: December 16, 2008, 01:45:59 PM »
MANAGING YOUR PROFILE

You can locate your profile by clicking on the  tab that is in the toolbar.  All changes listed here can be found once you are in your profile. Click on the topic in blue that is located on the left off your profile page to make the appropriate change.
The FAQ are given for each specific topic.  
You must always click on the CHANGE PROFILE button on the bottom when any change is made on your profile.

Modify Profile
Account Related Settings
•   Change the language
•   Hide your email address
•   Show others your online status
•   Changing password

Q.  How do hide my personal email address from being shown?
A  Make sure the box is checked ‘Hide email address from Public’. Only you and the Moderators will now be able to see it when you view your profile.  If you want to check to make sure it is hidden, check your profile before you log on when you are in “Guest” status.  

Q.  How can I change my password?
A.  You will find the Choose password area.  Type in new password, verify it by re-typing again, and then go down to Current Password and type in your current one.  Be sure to write it down.  


Forum Profile Information
•   Adding Personalized Pictures
•   Adding some personal information
•   Adding signatures

Q.  How do I add some personal information to my profile such as Location, gender, birthday, or other IM accounts I have?
A.  You can view options listed and choose those you want to add.  Just know that these are not hidden, all members will be able to view this information. Also a little logo will appear under your Username on each post showing which services you have listed.

Q.  I want to add a poem or saying down at the bottom of my posts, can I?
A.  Type your message in the box provided under Signature and then it will appear with each post automatically.

Q.  Is this where I can add a picture in the signature area like I see on some posts?
A.  Yes.  Go to the thread HOW TO ADD PICTURES for details.

Q.  Is these where I add my memorial web page of my loved one?
A.  Yes.  It will give you an icon of the ‘Earth’ under your Username when you post to show that you have a web page.  Just type in the website title and post your URL that should look like this: http://webhealing.com/forums .  Click on the Change profile button and you are done.


Look and Layout Preferences
Allows you to customize some options such as:
•   Removing others pictures and signatures from your posts only
•   Personal messages options
•   Warnings on posts

Q.  I think viewing pictures of everyone’s loved one is just too much for me.  Can I remove them?
A.  Yes, under this layout area you can check the box ‘Don't show users' signatures’. All signature writing and pictures disappear.  Check the ‘Don't show users' avatars’ if you want to remove the pictures that are under the Username.  You can un-check the box at anytime to view them.

Q.  How can I change my email box to list the most recently dated first?
A.  Check ‘Show most recent personal messages at top.


Notifications and Emails
•   Turning on and off notification to posts
•   View & manage all your posts that you currently have notifications on

Personal Message Options
•   Ignore list
•   Saving copy of your personal messages
•   Receiving pop up to new messages

Q. Can I block someone from sending me emails if I need to?
A.  Yes.  Just type in the Users name in box provided.  If you are receiving inappropriate emails, please report that to a moderator.

Q.  Can I set a reminder that I have an email waiting for me?
A.  Yes, Check the box ‘Show a popup when you receive new messages’ located in this area.  This pop up will appear when you log on and have new emails.

Q. I don’t want to save any emails I send. How can I change that?
A.  You can un-check/or check the box ‘Save a copy of each Personal Message in my outbox by default’.  
Also, when you are sending an email, on the bottom is the option to save as well. You can check/ or un-check that on an email to email basis.

Update: If you choose to no longer post on Webhealing, we'll miss you and Thank You for your contributions while here.
Although an account may not be deleted, you are welcome to edit any of your posts to remove certain content that you so desire. Your posts will remain property of Webhealing, and your status will be listed as guest.

We wish you continued strength and healing while on your journey!
« Last Edit: July 11, 2011, 06:49:44 PM by Terry »
Letter to Death: Death never looks back to see my tears or how difficult life has become now for me.
When death stops a heart, it doesn't understand that it beat with another.

grainofsand

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« Reply #6 on: December 16, 2008, 01:50:27 PM »
HOW TO ADD A PICTURE


How to apply pictures that automatically appear as your signature on each post:

On the toolbar click on tab   to open your profile.
Click on the Forum Profile Information that is located on the left off your profile.
You will find the area to post your URL here on the bottom under Signature.
You need to upload your picture to a hosting site first, like www.photobucket.com
Pictures saved on your computer will not work here.

Getting Photo’s to post off Photobucket:
•   First, go to www.photobucket.com and sign up for an account (it’s free).
•   Pick where your photo is FROM on the far right. (Choose: my computer)
•   Click on UPLOAD or Choose Files button and your files will appear.
•   Find your picture click on it then click ‘Open’.
•   You will see your photo now on photobucket page.
•   Double click on the photo and the codes will appear.  Copy the URL that is the IMG code.
•   You need to now go back to your profile   then to Forum Profile Information.
•   At the bottom where it says Signature:  paste the IMG code there.  You can still paste the URL in the box even if you have a poem or saying in there.
•   Click on the Change profile button.
•   You should now have a picture at the bottom of your post.
•   The picture should appear on the bottom of your signature area when you open your profile   now.

Getting Photo’s to post off of the internet:

Go to the website where the picture is.
Right click on the picture and choose ‘properties’.
A pop up will appear and copy the Location address.
•   You need to now go back to your profile   then to Forum Profile Information.
•   At the bottom where it says Signature:  paste the URL there.  You can still paste the URL in the box even if you have a poem or saying in there.
•   Add the bbCode around the address which is
Code: [Select]
[img] in front  and [/img] at the end) Should look similar to:
Code: [Select]
[img]http://yourpicture/images/g-small2.jpg[/img]•   Click on the Change profile button.
•   You should now have a picture at the bottom of your post.
•   The picture should appear on the bottom of your signature area when you open your profile  now.



How to apply pictures only once on a specific post from my personal saved files as a signature:
You do not need a URL for this one time post.  You may access your pictures out of your personal photo’s saved in your computer.
After you write your post, before you send it, go to the bottom left and look for Additional Options.
Click on that and you will see Attach.  On the right is the Browse button,  and go to your file.  
Click on your picture that is in your file in that ‘Upload box’ pop up.
Click on ‘Open’ and you will now see the passage way typed in that area.
Now hit SAVE and your picture should be there.
The picture will appear in the signature area where one can click on the .jpg link to view it.




How to apply pictures only once on a specific post in the body of my post:
You will need an URL for this type of picture.
When you have opened a window to post, you may insert a picture anywhere within your message.  When you are ready to insert your picture:
Click on 2nd window on the tool bar just above the ‘similes’ (It looks like a picture in a white frame).  You will then see this appear:  
Code: [Select]
[img] [/img]You paste your URL in the center of it to look similar to:  
Code: [Select]
[img]http://www.google.com/images/lilboy.jpg[/img]Once you are done with the post, click on PREVIEW before sending to make sure your code does not have spaces in address.  If your picture appears, it is ok to send



How to apply a picture in an email to another member:
You will need an URL for this type of picture.
When you have the New Message window open, you may insert a picture anywhere within your message.  When you are ready to insert your picture:
Click on 2nd window on the tool bar just above the ‘similes’ (It looks like a picture in a white frame).  You will then see this appear  
Code: [Select]
[img][/img]You paste your URL in the center of it should look similar to:
Code: [Select]
[img]http://www.google.com/images/lilboy.jpg[/img]Once you are done with the email, click on PREVIEW before sending to make sure your code does not have spaces in address.  If your picture appears, it is ok to send.



How to apply a picture under your Username:
You will need to enter your profile under Forum Profile Information you have Personalized Picture.
Click on I have my own: and add your URL.
Click on Change profile button on bottom.



FAQ regarding Photo Posting:

Q. What is a URL?
A.  It is the actual web address for the photo.  It looks like http://www.yoururl.com/mypicture.jpg
It starts with the http:// and ends with a .jpg when it is a picture.

Q. How do I copy the URL off of the website?
A. Go to the website where the picture is.
Right click on the picture and choose ‘properties’.
A pop up will appear and copy the Location address.


Q. I finally got the pictures to post but every time I do they are GIGANTIC.  How do I make them smaller?
A.  They need to be resized using a photo editing software program prior to posting.

Q.  Can I have more than one picture in the signature area?
A.  Yes.  Try to post the pictures that are resized smaller and keep the larger one for your personal file.

Q.  I changed the photo in my signature area and the picture now doesn't show up in the signature box anymore, just a link.  What did I do wrong?
A.  Make sure your link that you pasted in has the whole web address. Use the codes examples shown earlier.

Q.  I have problems with trying to attach a picture with my replies. Most of the time the message I get is that my file is too large (even though it is less than the stated 128kb), Often I get the message "your upload folder is full, contact administrator." Would you be able to help me with this? I don't know what I'm doing wrong?
A.  Just send Tom and email, he will be able to look into if it is a software glitch.

Q.  I pasted the URL but still don't see a picture.  What is wrong?
A.  Make sure it is posted in the Signature area not the web URL area.  See if you have the
Code: [Select]
[img][/img] around your address with no spaces in the whole address.

« Last Edit: July 09, 2011, 07:45:13 PM by Terry »
Letter to Death: Death never looks back to see my tears or how difficult life has become now for me.
When death stops a heart, it doesn't understand that it beat with another.

grainofsand

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« Reply #7 on: December 16, 2008, 01:51:56 PM »
CHAT ROOM

To access chat click on the tab   on the toolbar.
You will need to be a logged on member.

Once the software loads up, type your message on the bottom and hit enter.

Q.  Why isn’t there any one in chat when I go in?
A. Chat room is open 24 hrs but does not have a set time for someone to be in.  Sometimes if you stay in for a few moments, someone enters because they see someone in chat.

Q.  How do I see someone in chat?
A.  From the home page, towards the bottom in the 'webhealing.com – Info Center' area is where you can view Users Online.  

Q.  Why is it when I enter chat, just as the person leaves?
A.  There are many times someone listed, but due to software timing out, they actually have left.  If you enter chat, and see their name on the left panel, they are in the room.  If you hear a ‘door slam’ shortly after you entered, they exited already and the software is resetting now that you entered.

Q.  Is it alright to post a thread as to when I want to chat?
A. Please do, and as others will read it, more will come!

Q.  Is there a chat room specific for each board?
A.  This chat room is for the members of all boards.  You will have child loss as well as widows or widowers, and other type of grievers in the same chat.  If the room gets too busy and you desire more of a One on One, you can move to a private area with along with another.

Q  How do I enter one of these private rooms?
A.  When you log on to chat you are in the Support chat area.
On top left of the blue chat box you will see Welcome (Username).  Just under that you see Room: ‘support’.  To the right of that there are little arrows.  
Click on the arrows and you get a pull down menu.  If you click on The Lounge, you will be moved into a different chat room from the supporters. To re-enter the support area, just click back on the arrows and select ‘support’.  Now what you type can only been seen by those in this area.

Q.  How can I PM someone in chat?
A.  On the panel at the right you will see the member’s names in the room.  Click on the name and you will get your drop down window.  Click on Personal Message and a small window will appear.
« Last Edit: July 09, 2011, 07:43:51 PM by Terry »
Letter to Death: Death never looks back to see my tears or how difficult life has become now for me.
When death stops a heart, it doesn't understand that it beat with another.

grainofsand

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« Reply #8 on: December 16, 2008, 01:55:58 PM »
How to use the calendar:

To view the calendar click on the  tab on the toolbar.
The current month will appear.
These Events will also appear on the Home Page in the 'webhealing.com Info Center' area which is on the lower part of the page.

Home page can be found by clicking on the  tab located on the toolbar.


To post your birthday:
Go to your  tab
Forum Profile Information
Place your birthday in the boxes   YEAR-MO-DAY
Click on CHANGE PROFILE button
Your birthday will now appear on calendar
To remove your birthday, just delete the date on your profile


To Post an event:
Click on to open
Click on ‘post event’ button on the bottom of the calendar
Pop up will appear
Type in your event in the ‘Event Title’ area
Change the date to your event date
Uncheck the ‘Link Event To Post’
Click on POST button

Your event will now appear on that calendar date

To change or delete an event you posted:
Click on to open
On your event a * appears
Double click on the * and a pop up will appear
Use CHANGES TO SAVE or DELETE EVENT buttons

« Last Edit: July 09, 2011, 06:48:07 PM by Terry »
Letter to Death: Death never looks back to see my tears or how difficult life has become now for me.
When death stops a heart, it doesn't understand that it beat with another.

Terry

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Board Guidelines/Chat Registration
« Reply #9 on: July 14, 2011, 03:55:03 PM »
ABOUT THESE MESSAGE BOARDS

These boards serve a dual purpose for grievers.

These are places where we, the bereaved, may come for comfort and understanding, and they are also places where we come to express deep feelings, including negative feelings such as fear, anger or frustration. Over the several years of the boards' operations, we've found that this dual purpose is best served when we treat one another with kindness, acceptance, and respect.

For the most part, the purpose of these boards are to share your own story of grief, and to offer appropriate consolation to other grievers. But we grievers are vulnerable people, undergoing the worst experience of our lives, and we have strong feelings about many issues. At times, we will disagree, sometimes strongly. Disagreement is acceptable. Strong feelings and strong language is acceptable. Out-and-out attacks are not.

ARE MESSAGES EVER DELETED?

Yes, although the Web Team greatly prefers not to delete messages. We do not favor members of a particular "clique" or enforce "party line" other than what is stated here. When possible, board participants are urged to take a volatile discussion off-line before deletion becomes necessary.

The Web team reserves the right to delete these types of messages:

1. personal attacks or out-and-out insults directed toward other board participants. Common sense helps a lot in knowing what not to post. "I can't believe you're that stupid" will probably disappear from the board. "I disagree because..." will not, even if the rest of the message content is substantially identical.

2. posts that divulge intimate details of another board participant's personal life without their permission, particularly if no one else on the board needs to know (e.g. "outing" someone, reporting on their drug or alcohol consumption habits, etc.)

3. aggressively directive advice, particularly if it is deemed hurtful by either the Webmaster or the recipient (e.g. "Get over it. It's been six months.")

4. posts that disparage the state of someone's soul, or of their loved one's soul, or that disparage someone else's particular expression of spirituality. You are welcome to discuss your opinion, or what has worked for you, or what hasn't worked for you, but try to avoid telling someone else, "You are flat-out wrong." about spiritual matters.

5. posts that are proven to be fraudulent.

6. blatant advertisement

7.  posts that contain language that is considered to be threatening, harassing, libelous, sexually graphic, or demeaning of another person or group because of their race, creed, ethnicity, gender, sexual preference, age, or abilities.

8. posts that disrupt the normal operations of this site. These can be posts that contain html which causes our scripts to malfunction, links to other sites that contain material deemed unfit for our site, etc.

ANY "SENSITIVE" TOPICS?

Some of the best discussions we have had revolve around "sensitive" topics. But, please realize that many kinds of posts may draw more criticism than you anticipate. Of course you may discuss these things, but be prepared for some heat, and please use extra tact with others, while wearing your own "thickest skin."
One of our fathers used to say, "Everyone has a responsibility not to offend others, but everyone also has a responsibility not to be too easily offended."

Some examples:

1. Comparing grief.
Is it worse to have a child die, or a parent die? Is it worse to face the death of a young child, or an older child? This topic always manages to infuriate almost everyone. We always arrive at the same conclusion -- every grief contains within it its own entire Universe of Hell, and it is difficult to compare Infinities. Handle with care.

2. "I found this wonderful, comforting poem/scripture verse/quote from a book."
The poem or quote that speaks so beautifully to your heart may push every angry button for another griever. Please post the poetry and quotations that you love, but realize that not everyone will love them. If someone responds unkindly, please try to realize that their problem is with some aspect of the quote, and not with you.

3. Certain language.

4. Sensitive social topics.
Many social topics today can affect us directly in our grief. When discussing issues such as abortion, civil rights, gay rights, gun control, and other topics like these, please be mindful that there are others who come here with grief directly related to these circumstances. Treat these topics with respect and care.

We don't censor specific language here, as long as it's not angrily directed at another participant, but certain expressions may temporarily lower the amount of respect other participants have for you!

1. Bad words.
Different people have much different standards of expressive language. Realize that some of the participants on these boards are school-age children, some are elderly, some have strict religious backgrounds, and some just come from a culture where decent people never speak this way, while others of us come from Los Angeles :->. Handle with care, and realize that you may be obscuring the true flavor of your message if it is too heavily salted with profanity.

2. Joking around.
It happens. Some of us have come to be friends over the years and are very relaxed with one another, and some of us have personalities that deal with grief and pain by escaping into light banter. Please remember that the presence of joking does not mean that the jokers do not grieve, or that they disrespect your grief, or that this has become the "joky" board. Jocular posts go in cycles, and often people will stop joking, if asked politely. If you are inclined to joke, please remember that it greatly upsets some people.

3. Loaded words or expressions.
We all have certain expressions or terms that drive us crazy, even if the rest of the world, even the grieving world, has no problem with them. Some examples might be: "lost", "closure", "cremains", "the stages of grief", etc. Use what terminology you must, but don't be surprised if someone else has a problem with it. Often a respectful conversation about the reason for the attitude will prove instructive for all concerned.

4. Clichéd condolences.
Similar to "loaded words", these are common expressions of condolence that tend to horrify and upset grievers. Other grievers tend not to use them, but sometimes other well-meaning folks will. Examples:

She is better off.

God needed him.

We don't always know God's plan for us.

She wouldn't want you to be sad.

Only the good die young.

You need to stay strong.

Better now than later.

They lived a long life.

Parents are supposed to die first.

You know she's in peace.

At least you have closure now.

You must be so relieved.

God only picks the prettiest flowers for His garden.

For pity's sake, please think before you use a "canned condolence."

(If there is a word or phrase that is being used on the board that deeply hurts/upsets you, please send me a PM. Your request will be kept in strictest confidence and we will be glad to add it to the list above.)

ARE THE NON-BEREAVED WELCOME?
Absolutely. But, please respect our grief, treat us with kindness and compassion, and understand that we are hurting, vulnerable, and sometimes have a short fuse. Behave as you would when visiting a cemetery or any other sacred place. Please read the section above on "Clichéd Condolences."

ARE MEN WELCOME? Absolutely. ARE CHILDREN WELCOME? Again, absolutely. But, please tell your parents that you are accessing this board. Understand that from time to time, we will be discussing death in graphic terms, and, as emotionally upset adults, sometimes our language can become pretty raw. Please ask your parents to read this page, so that they will understand what this site is about, and please do not use it without their permission.

Health Care Professionals and Researchers should contact "Tom" at golden@webhealing.com, before posting.

Thank You,
The Web Team
« Last Edit: March 19, 2012, 06:29:33 PM by Terry »
"I'm thankful I have my writing to turn to.  And reading and my pets.  It is at times like these, I remind myself to think of gratitude and things I am thankful for." -Wally (Wally49er/Spouse Loss)

nancy/Patricks mom

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Re: guidelines & other issues
« Reply #10 on: July 14, 2011, 05:09:17 PM »
Thank You this sounds fine to me ...hope you were able to get some rest today
NANCY/JOHNATHAN PATRICKS MOM/3-31-87 - 12-08-07

Terry

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    • “Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” –Vicki Harrison
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Re: guidelines & other issues
« Reply #11 on: July 14, 2011, 06:02:36 PM »

Nancy, you are so sweet, so thoughtful and put a smile on my face! :) Yes, in fact I just woke up from another nap. I sleep in-between Hospice visits!

Thanks so much for reading the guidelines post, too and for your input!

Love,
Terry
"I'm thankful I have my writing to turn to.  And reading and my pets.  It is at times like these, I remind myself to think of gratitude and things I am thankful for." -Wally (Wally49er/Spouse Loss)

Adams Brokenhearted Mama

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Re: guidelines & other issues
« Reply #12 on: July 15, 2011, 08:08:48 AM »
Well done Terry! As always you are so kind, thoughtful, sensitive and generous with your heart and your words.
Hugs,
Paula
XO Love to all my sisters & brothers-in-grief XO
Wishing you all peaceful moments, signs from your Angels & many blessings

Penny - Sean's Mom

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Re: guidelines & other issues
« Reply #13 on: July 15, 2011, 11:52:11 PM »
Perfect.

Terry

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Re: guidelines & other issues
« Reply #14 on: July 16, 2011, 06:30:12 AM »

Thanks, Paula for reading the guidelines post and for your comment. I appreciate your sentiments, always so thoughtful!

Hugs!
"I'm thankful I have my writing to turn to.  And reading and my pets.  It is at times like these, I remind myself to think of gratitude and things I am thankful for." -Wally (Wally49er/Spouse Loss)