Sad and Lonely - For what it is worth, you're not alone. A year ago I was in much the same place. The numbness, the darkness, the crushing grief as you try to pick up the remaining pieces of your life while at the same time wondering "why bother". It wasn't supposed to be like this. Two years ago my wife, Kit, was diagnosed with abdominal cancer. Stage 4. Already spread to the lymph nodes and lungs. For a year I stood by, helpless, as the disease slowly took her from me. Just before she died we took one last trip together; a trip to Vegas and the Grand Canyon that she'd always wanted us to do together. The following week I sat by her side and held her hand as she died. It felt like two lives ended that day.
I don't remember all of the past year. I spent much of it on auto-pilot, going through the motions of living. I puttered about this big house that is so filled with memories of Kit, yet so empty at the same time. I spent too much time alone, just me and a glass of scotch. Thanks to family, good friends, and the good folks here at webhealing I managed to survive without completely losing my mind. I've had good days and bad days. The good news is that slowly the good days will start to outnumber the others. Sometime in the last few weeks I realized that the world was still out there, that people went about their daily lives, and that maybe, just maybe I could start living life again.
I guess what all of this is meant to say is that you're not alone, the next few months (days, years, ?) are going to be tough but they will slowly get better, and that there is a light at the end of the tunnel ... and it is NOT an oncoming train.
Sincerely,
John