Paula,
I am so sorry that your life is in such turmoil and pain. As mom's we are the fixers and it is so hard to watch them and not be able to fix it. Louise has a good suggestion with the ambien for sleep or I've also used lunesta and it is also helpful. One thing a doctor friend told me from the day Philip died "sleep is your friend." It is hard enough on us with sleep. Our body must have it, so if you can encourage him to just pick up the phone and talk with his doctor about the sleep problem they probably would call something in for him and see if that helps.
One thing my therapist did and it was real helpful, I was the only one in therapy and still am after 3.5 years, she asked for my entire family to come in so she could tell them what we were working on and if they had any questions for her about me. It helped them to see that it wasn't something scary or "crazy" and it made them feel more comfortable. My son actually went back on his own and saw her a couple of times. So, it helped open the door to the possibility without making them feel threatened in any way. It also helped my husband in that this last time of my deep depression and I had taken a break from therapy for a while to even suggest that he call my therapist for me or he would offer to just go with me.
I think the presents you are doing sound so wonderful, it is so nice of you. I hope that Julia will also get some help and I know that you probably have suggested it. It's hard to see them making mistakes and nothing you can do about it. Philip's best friend still is so messed up. He was driving the car in front of Philip when Philip had his wreck.
Holding you close to my heart and if you need to talk you can always email me.
Jeanne