Author Topic: Am I wrong in this?  (Read 2137 times)

AC Mom

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Am I wrong in this?
« on: December 09, 2010, 07:26:13 PM »
First let me say, i was without internet for a few weeks.  I broke down and bought me a net book! lol

AC had a daughter and another child that he considered his.  I have always had contact with the childs mother that wasn't his biologically.  The daughter is 19 now, but mentally challenged.  His biological daughter, different mother, I never really knew, I knew she existed but had no idea where she was.  Her Mom found out that AC died when she filed for child support a year after AC died.   I sent my number to her to the address the court order had for her.  She called me, and the first thing she asked when I told her he had died a year earlier in a motorcycle accident, was did he leave anything that Stephanie would be entitled too.  She never called me again.  I am very  easy to find on MySpace or Facebook, or a lot of other places on the internet.  Yet they never tried to find me.

Jump forward to about a year ago.  My sister found Stephanie on MySpace.   She sent her email, and asked if she knew who she was.  And, Stephanies Mom had told her a yr before that AC was her father, (she always thought her step father was her bio father), and her bio dad had died in 2002.  One would think that she would search us out after finding out, most kids do when they find out they have a real parent somewhere in the world.  She is 18 now, but not real mature in my opinion.

I was hesitant to contact her, so  waited about a month before I did.  After talking to her a few times.  It became obvious that she wanted AC's stuff that I have kept thru the years.  Then her Mom calls and wants me to send her a 100 bucks cause she is running out of money  for food.

So, bottom line is ...... I want nothing to do with the child, that is the daughter of my son.  He was more than a bank, and it seems thats all they want, is what they can get out  of it.

Stephanie even went as far as to post on her facebook page that she wanted the stuff so she could remember her father.  She never knew him, how is that gonna help.

Am I a terrible person for not wanting anything to do with the child my dead son fathered?

Love and hugs
Peggy




SarahW

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Re: Am I wrong in this?
« Reply #1 on: December 09, 2010, 08:43:44 PM »
First let me say, i was without internet for a few weeks.  I broke down and bought me a net book! lol

Congrats!

Quote

AC had a daughter and another child that he considered his.  I have always had contact with the childs mother that wasn't his biologically.  The daughter is 19 now, but mentally challenged.  His biological daughter, different mother, I never really knew, I knew she existed but had no idea where she was.  Her Mom found out that AC died when she filed for child support a year after AC died.   I sent my number to her to the address the court order had for her.  She called me, and the first thing she asked when I told her he had died a year earlier in a motorcycle accident, was did he leave anything that Stephanie would be entitled too.  She never called me again.  I am very  easy to find on MySpace or Facebook, or a lot of other places on the internet.  Yet they never tried to find me.

Jump forward to about a year ago.  My sister found Stephanie on MySpace.   She sent her email, and asked if she knew who she was.

Your sister sounds like one of mine - at this point, I would have wanted to strangle my sister if she hadn't talked this over with me first . . . which maybe your sister did.  But anyhow, what's done is done.

Quote
And, Stephanies Mom had told her a yr before that AC was her father, (she always thought her step father was her bio father), and her bio dad had died in 2002.  One would think that she would search us out after finding out, most kids do when they find out they have a real parent somewhere in the world.  She is 18 now, but not real mature in my opinion.

I was hesitant to contact her, so  waited about a month before I did.  After talking to her a few times.  It became obvious that she wanted AC's stuff that I have kept thru the years.  Then her Mom calls and wants me to send her a 100 bucks cause she is running out of money  for food.

So, bottom line is ...... I want nothing to do with the child, that is the daughter of my son.  He was more than a bank, and it seems thats all they want, is what they can get out  of it.

Stephanie even went as far as to post on her facebook page that she wanted the stuff so she could remember her father.  She never knew him, how is that gonna help.

Am I a terrible person for not wanting anything to do with the child my dead son fathered?

Love and hugs
Peggy

If this was a story of how a daughter had searched out her late father's mother, and contacted her, and wanted to know all about her dad, and wanted to get to know his family so she could try to know her dad as best she could - and the grandmother coldly rejected the grandaughter for no real reason other than she didn't want to be bothered - then I would think, "Gee, what kind of woman is that grandmother?"

But that is not the story you are telling.  You reached your hand out several times, only to get it bitten.  Of course you no longer want to extend your hand.

Stephanie is very young, so maybe someday she will come around.  But you are right to make it very clear that neither Stephanie nor her mom can expect monetary gain from knowing you.  If they are clear on that, and if neither one ever contacts you again, you'll know that, as you say, both you and your son are -unfortunately- being viewed as "a bank" - and nothing more.

Love and hugs to you, too.
I love thee to the level of every day's Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light. -- Emily Dickinson

You were a gift

WendyRN

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Re: Am I wrong in this?
« Reply #2 on: December 09, 2010, 09:05:14 PM »
Peggy, I think you're feeling how you ought to be feeling.  Beginning a financial arrangement with the mother of your grandchild, who has shown no interest in having any kind of relationship with you, can bring about no good.  The daughter must be very confused and I feel badly for her.  Needing to know who you are and where you come from is so very important.  Not sure she has the desire to really want to know yet.  Maybe only what she can get.  Maybe if she were interested in meeting somewhere, sometime, wanting to hear stories of her father, see pictures....maybe you would feel inclined to share a personal article of AC's that she could hang on to.  A difficult decision for you.

Wendy, Keith's mom

AC Mom

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Re: Am I wrong in this?
« Reply #3 on: December 10, 2010, 01:13:04 PM »
Sarah,

I had always told my sister, I was going to try to find Stephanie when she turned 18, she just jumped the gun a bit. lol  But, its okay, we have grown to expect that from her.

Other than my brother, we are all very close.  For some unknown reason, my brother only communicates with one of us girls.  But, to give him and his wife lots of credit, he was there for all of us when AC died.  We had AC's funeral in the town he was raised in.  We have all moved out of state.  Him and his wife put us all up and fed 20 people for a week.

I keep telling myself that Stephanie will grow up someday and maybe then we can get to know each other.

Thank you
Love and Hugs

Peggy

AC Mom

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Re: Am I wrong in this?
« Reply #4 on: December 10, 2010, 01:15:58 PM »
Wendy,

Thank You.  Stephanies Mom was always a gold digger, I worry that Stephanie will be just like the person that raised her.  I pray that she will be like the father she never knew, a kind loving person who respects what and who they are in life.

Thanks Again
Love and Hugs
Peggy