Author Topic: is this really real  (Read 141 times)

tylersmom89

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 3
    • View Profile
is this really real
« on: June 19, 2015, 09:19:59 PM »
I'm new here. My son, Tyler died December 7, 2014. Just six months ago.  My dad died June 17, 2015, just a couple days ago. My son was 25 my dad was 93. I hope they are having a wonderful reunion. But for me, I am struggling. The loss of a son and the loss of a father are completely different.  But loss is loss. I am on anti depressants and they kept me from joining my son when he passed. But moving on, going forward. This hole in my heart is killing me.  How do you all get out of bed in the morning? How do you stop from crying all the time?
Lisa Argyle

Adams Brokenhearted Mama

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1145
    • View Profile
Re: is this really real
« Reply #1 on: June 20, 2015, 08:25:20 AM »
It is an extremely long process. I'm into it for almost 9 years now with my son and before & after that awful day I have lost many a dear person in my life. In the beginning it is so raw and all I can say is that time helps to sooth out the ragged edges to a degree that it is not as impossible to live. I tried everything to help me in this journey. I sought out groups, in person and online. I went to psychiatrists, psychologists and social workers. I met with other bereaved parents. I read on the subject. I went back to school and wrote extensively on these issues. These days I am not so intensely involved with groups and other bereaved parents, as for me, the sadness of all overwhelms me, however I am still under the care of a psychiatrist, on meds, and see a social worker whose practice is in griefwork. I maintain a connection with this board as it feels very safe to me to be able to sit down at my computer any time of day or night and write about my feelings and comment if I choose to do so on other postings.
I am so sorry for your losses and the pain that you are in. It is not an easy path we must walk in life. I am not a religious person but became very spiritual after my son's passing and do believe in the afterworld and the signs that they send us. Too many "signs" have come my way over these last 9 years to dispel them as any thing other than a sign from my son. Those signs give me hope that when the time is right I will be reunited with him and in some way he remains connected to me and tries to let me know. I don't understand why in the afterworld the signs cannot be more forthcoming as in actually seeing him or something else very concrete but like his demise I must accept what I would normally not and be grateful that some sort of afterlife communication is happening.
Lastly, please be gentle on yourself. Grief is not something you get over or move past it is an uncomfortable, life long journey. I always liken it to a roller coaster ride of the ups and downs and scary nature of it. I try to keep myself very busy and try a lot of new things that I never did before (i.e. took up a musical instrument, learned to knit & crochet, earned my higher degree, etc.) It was all too easy for me to sleep the days away. Surround yourself with people, if you can, that care for you and can care for you. True friends will just sit in silence with you, cry with you and never turn you away. I came to this realization that people who don't go through what we do are what I call civilians and cannot understand and you might find hurt in friendships that now get fragmented or go away all together. I choose very carefully who I let in my life now. I am not bitter about those I had to let go for I am a strong believer in the (paraphrased because I don't recall it intact) People come into your life for a season and leave ..... I take that as a learning experience. Those friendships were good for me at the time and not good for me now.
I think that it is a positive step that you found this website. You can post anytime and usually within 24 hours you will receive a reply from other members and if not, you will always receive a post back from the Board's moderator Terry who is a very spiritual, loving woman who has had more than her share of tragedies. Her words are always well written, she is articulate and for me are a comfort.
Please post again and know that on this board there are many people who understand your journey.
Paula
XO Love to all my sisters & brothers-in-grief XO
Wishing you all peaceful moments, signs from your Angels & many blessings

Terry

  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 5411
    • View Profile
Re: is this really real
« Reply #2 on: June 20, 2015, 11:26:45 AM »

I'm new here. My son, Tyler died December 7, 2014. Just six months ago.  My dad died June 17, 2015, just a couple days ago. My son was 25 my dad was 93. I hope they are having a wonderful reunion. But for me, I am struggling. The loss of a son and the loss of a father are completely different.  But loss is loss. I am on anti depressants and they kept me from joining my son when he passed. But moving on, going forward. This hole in my heart is killing me.  How do you all get out of bed in the morning? How do you stop from crying all the time?


(((((Lisa)))))

I'm so sorry to learn of the death of your precious son, Tyler and also of the recent death of your precious Dad. Such a heavy weight. Please try to take care of yourself the best you can by snacking on healthy foods, resting even if you can't sleep and drinking plenty of water. A walk a day will keep the doctor away.

The hole in our hearts is real and it's painful. A part of us is gone and we have to find a way to learn to live with this great loss of ours. The mornings were always difficult for me as when I would wake up that truth would be staring me in the face, again. This really happened. But, please tell me it didn't. Tell me that this has all been just a terrible nightmare. I understand, Lisa.

With each loss I stayed very busy. I had others in my family to care for. Even with my surviving son of 29 years, but I was welcomed by the Internet, something that wasn't available with my other two children. This board and these members were my life line. I posted every day, all day and very long posts. Some would say they were short stories. But, it really helped me to get my feelings out. I didn't post for anyone else. I posted for me. The reason I could write/share so freely.

Please know that we are here for you with love and understanding, and we care. Tell us about your precious Tyler; what he was like, what he liked to do, his favorite foods....anything and everything I'd love to know about your precious baby.

As Paula shared with you, this is "an extremely long process." So taking one day, one hour and even one minute at a time is very important. Grief can't be rushed. Remember that we loved for a lifetime and in the blink of an eye that person was taken from us. Be kind to yourself. There is no time frame in which we are able to rejoin life as this is your grief,alone and you own your feelings. Don't allow anyone to rush you or offer that you should be moving faster than you are. And, I refer to these people as the grief police. But we have no grief police on Webhealing, so fear not. And, welcome to our Webhealing family.

If there is anything I can do for you, just ask.

With love and understanding,
Terry
"Take the best, and leave the rest" AND "If it doesn't apply, let it fly"

Terry

  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 5411
    • View Profile
Re: is this really real
« Reply #3 on: June 20, 2015, 12:13:15 PM »

 How do you stop from crying all the time?


Sometimes feelings gather inside the limbic system of the brain and in certain corners of the heart. Crying is cathartic. It lets the devils out before they wreak all kind of havoc with the nervous and cardiovascular systems. As John Bradshaw writes in his bestseller Home Coming, “All these feelings need to be felt. We need to stomp and storm; to sob and cry; to perspire and tremble.” - Crying is Healthy

Lisa - I cry when the need arises. When my children first died and in those very early days, weeks and months....I cried all the time. Just google "why crying is good for us." Remember, if you didn't need to, you wouldn't cry.

Hugs :love9:

"Take the best, and leave the rest" AND "If it doesn't apply, let it fly"

tylersmom89

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 3
    • View Profile
Re: is this really real
« Reply #4 on: June 28, 2015, 11:15:16 AM »
Terry and Paula,

Thank you so much for your replies. Can you tell me where to go to post the story of my son? He was amazing. I to believe in an after life. My dad and son are together now. I hope they get along better up there than they did down here. Its a long history.  It just means so much that you would take time to write me. Thank you again.

Lisa
Lisa Argyle

Terry

  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 5411
    • View Profile
Re: is this really real
« Reply #5 on: June 28, 2015, 08:37:11 PM »
Hi Lisa,

Feel free to share your precious Tyler in the thread, "Introductions." The Intro thread is a sticky and will always stay on this first page and convenient for others to read and everyone loves to read the stories of our children.

My Dad died a couple of years ago and I miss him terribly. I, too believe that he is with my children....everyone is together.

We're always here for you, :love9:
Love & hugs
Terry
"Take the best, and leave the rest" AND "If it doesn't apply, let it fly"