It is 10 months since I lost my eldest son, he was 43 and died abroad. The autopsy report said heart attack, but the situation was complex. Not sure how much to share here at this stage. Because he lived in the UK, died in Peru and I live in Australia, his affairs have taken all this time to be sorted out. It has been a hard road. My other two children live interstate from me and, many times, I have felt so alone.
Now that the work is done, I seem to have fallen off a cliff. I have no interest in anyone or anything. I spend my days, sometimes, in a cloud of nothingness and this scares me because I am about to go interstate to meet new twin babies, my first grandchildren, and to stay with them and my youngest son and his wife for four weeks. I dread being away from my home and my little dog for four weeks. My dog Clarrie has been a great comfort to me.
I am teary this morning but as I read of the losses others have experienced, I was reminded that grief touches us all, every household, at some time. It is in the nature of things for us to die. But I hope to find some understanding here because the world does seem to want us back as we were before we are ready.