It is an extremely long process. I'm into it for almost 9 years now with my son and before & after that awful day I have lost many a dear person in my life. In the beginning it is so raw and all I can say is that time helps to sooth out the ragged edges to a degree that it is not as impossible to live. I tried everything to help me in this journey. I sought out groups, in person and online. I went to psychiatrists, psychologists and social workers. I met with other bereaved parents. I read on the subject. I went back to school and wrote extensively on these issues. These days I am not so intensely involved with groups and other bereaved parents, as for me, the sadness of all overwhelms me, however I am still under the care of a psychiatrist, on meds, and see a social worker whose practice is in griefwork. I maintain a connection with this board as it feels very safe to me to be able to sit down at my computer any time of day or night and write about my feelings and comment if I choose to do so on other postings.
I am so sorry for your losses and the pain that you are in. It is not an easy path we must walk in life. I am not a religious person but became very spiritual after my son's passing and do believe in the afterworld and the signs that they send us. Too many "signs" have come my way over these last 9 years to dispel them as any thing other than a sign from my son. Those signs give me hope that when the time is right I will be reunited with him and in some way he remains connected to me and tries to let me know. I don't understand why in the afterworld the signs cannot be more forthcoming as in actually seeing him or something else very concrete but like his demise I must accept what I would normally not and be grateful that some sort of afterlife communication is happening.
Lastly, please be gentle on yourself. Grief is not something you get over or move past it is an uncomfortable, life long journey. I always liken it to a roller coaster ride of the ups and downs and scary nature of it. I try to keep myself very busy and try a lot of new things that I never did before (i.e. took up a musical instrument, learned to knit & crochet, earned my higher degree, etc.) It was all too easy for me to sleep the days away. Surround yourself with people, if you can, that care for you and can care for you. True friends will just sit in silence with you, cry with you and never turn you away. I came to this realization that people who don't go through what we do are what I call civilians and cannot understand and you might find hurt in friendships that now get fragmented or go away all together. I choose very carefully who I let in my life now. I am not bitter about those I had to let go for I am a strong believer in the (paraphrased because I don't recall it intact) People come into your life for a season and leave ..... I take that as a learning experience. Those friendships were good for me at the time and not good for me now.
I think that it is a positive step that you found this website. You can post anytime and usually within 24 hours you will receive a reply from other members and if not, you will always receive a post back from the Board's moderator Terry who is a very spiritual, loving woman who has had more than her share of tragedies. Her words are always well written, she is articulate and for me are a comfort.
Please post again and know that on this board there are many people who understand your journey.