Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
October 21, 2014, 02:42:07 AM
Home Help Search Calendar Login Register
News:

+  webhealing.com
|-+  Crisis, Grief, and Healing
| |-+  Child Loss
| | |-+  new member...help needed
« previous next »
Pages: [1] Print
Author Topic: new member...help needed  (Read 83 times)
Riss24
nospam
Newbie
*
Posts: 3


View Profile
« on: October 16, 2014, 10:39:13 PM »

Hi,
I guess this is where I introduce myself? I'm new obviously, forgive me. First of all I hate that I'm a member of this now, hate that any of us are! but I'm thankful there's this place where I can now vent, ask for help and support from you who've been here awhile. My precious and beloved 21 year old daughter died June 4th of an accidental drug overdose. It's been just over 4 months and most days I still feel like dying myself. Every day is hard to get through. But before I go on and on about this, I've specifically gotten on this site for the first time today because I'm stressing and hoping someone here can help...My daughter who died has a twin sister and their birthday is coming up November 24th, as if the holidays won't be hard enough. For the first time in her life, my girl will be having a birthday without her "other half" and I'm just so sad for her. Any advice on how to "celebrate" or how to prepare myself and my daughter for this day? She has thus far been coping unusually well, actually I don't believe it's really hit her but she's expressed that it's getting harder for her as their birthday nears. Any input would be appreciated!
Logged
Janka
nospam
Jr. Member
**
Posts: 51


Janīs Angel Date 11/11/11


View Profile
« Reply #1 on: October 17, 2014, 01:12:51 PM »

Dear Riss24!

Iīm sorry for your loss!

Hug you from the heart!

Janka
Logged

​I always kiss you from the heart,my endless love,
you know how much I love you,also stars above,
you will always be my dearest and only one,
I can not wait to be with you,my beloved Jan.

Janka
Terry
Global Moderator
Hero Member
*****
Posts: 5072


View Profile
« Reply #2 on: October 17, 2014, 02:58:35 PM »


((((((((Riss))))))))

I'm so sorry to learn that your precious daughter died. I'm glad you found us here at Webhealing but agree that no one ever wants to join a club such as this.

I came to Webhealing when my surviving son of 29 years died. His angel date is in January and it will be 13 years. As I type this I find it hard to believe it has been that long. I also lost two other children; a little girl, 4 named Michelle Marie and my baby, Salvatore. Although I have learned to live with the pain of missing them, the hole in my heart remains.
Your great loss is still so raw since it's so recent. Getting through all of those *firsts* is very difficult and please know that I am here for you through every date you face.

Regarding how to celebrate or to prepare yourself and your daughter for the first date....I can't advise other than just to be yourself and feel everything that you need to and also allow your daughter to do the same. It's healthy to express our emotions and it's healthy to cry. I honestly can't remember a lot of those firsts as I was still in shock, waiting for them to come back. In my mind I knew they were dead but it took my heart a much longer time to accept it. Your daughter being a twin must be having a very difficult time. I would let her know how very much you love her and give her lots of hugs. You both need lots of hugs right now.
You shared that she's coping exceptionally well and you may be right that she's still in shock. We all grieve very differently and there are no set stages when grieving, contrary to all of the information collected on grief from many sources.

Tell me more about your daughter. I would love to get to know the person she was. And, if you would like to post a picture of her, I would be happy to help you do that.

Again, I am so deeply sorry for your pain. If there is anything I can do, don't hesitate to contact me on or off the board.

Sending you hugs and all my love,
Terry

Logged

"The amount of grief one feels is in direct proportion to the amount of love one felt." From C.S. Lewis in his book A Grief Observed.
Adams Brokenhearted Mama
nospam
Hero Member
*****
Posts: 1106


View Profile
« Reply #3 on: October 17, 2014, 03:50:20 PM »

((Riss24))

It's always so sad to read a posting from another newbie to our sad grief journey. My sincere and heartfelt condolences to you and your family.
There is no simple answer on how to get through these traumatic events. Somehow, day to day gets easier as time goes on. However, the occasions and holidays are just devastatingly difficult.
I cannot imagine what it must be like for your surviving twin; from conception 1/2 of a whole-puts loss for me, reading your story, in a whole new perspective.
I would encourage dialogue, perhaps even a ritual as releasing butterflies or balloons.
8 years ago when I found this website it was a godsend for me. I hope that you will find it true for yourself as well. We, the bereaved parents, understand like no other, what this is like.
Let us know how it goes for you.
Paula
(Adam's heartbroken Mama)
Logged

XO Love to all my sisters & brothers-in-grief XO
Wishing you all peaceful moments, signs from your Angels & many blessings
Riss24
nospam
Newbie
*
Posts: 3


View Profile
« Reply #4 on: October 17, 2014, 10:47:40 PM »

Thank you for the replies and of course for the understanding and empathy. I need to make a point of reading your "stories" Sad  as well. I do know that unless you've been thru this, as we all unfortunately have, there is no real comprehension of how bad it hurts and how it just feels like the world's been knocked off its axis-- nothing is ok anymore. Even to begin participating in this is a step toward acceptance that I'm not positive I'm up for! I know she's died and isn't coming back but honestly, my "participation in life" re doing anything except sitting and thinking nonstop about her, crying every day for missing her, and pretty much drawing into myself etc etc, has been very limited other than reading literally 30+ books on grief, heaven, comfort from beyond type books in hope of finding solace. Haven't watched but about 4 hours of tv, have yet to step foot into a grocery store or anywhere real public because I know if anyone says a word to me about her I'm going to be a puddle on the ground. You may have already surmised this, but I don't think I'm coping well!! I will make this effort though, to "talk" here and draw upon the strength and experience you on this site can surely impart. I've never participated in computer chat/forums ( don't even "do" facebook!) so you all might have to walk me thru this, too- how/where to post certain things, the "rules" etc, sorry! Uugh. I'm in a funk today, don't WANT to and don't feel l can DO this whole life after loss crap!!! I'll come back here in a day or two when I hopefully have a better outlook, today sucks. Thank you Terry, Paula and Janka for the welcome and the heartfelt support and encouragement...I'm thankful for having found this site, you all may be my lifesavers. Bless you
Logged
Terry
Global Moderator
Hero Member
*****
Posts: 5072


View Profile
« Reply #5 on: October 18, 2014, 10:38:08 PM »


Riss,

Be kind and gentle with yourself. If you're getting out of bed in the morning and maybe even jumping in the shower, well that's an accomplishment and a huge one after losing a child. This is hard and we all understand here how long and hard this journey is. Take it one hour, second....breath at a time. Your body and your heart have been devastated, beaten....and it feels like it will never get better. I know that feeling, too.

Just try to remember to stay hydrated. Drink lots of water. Snack on healthy foods if you can't yet sit down to a meal. Rest as much as you are able to. I know all of this is hard. Our bodies and our minds take a beating as grief runs havoc on our immune systems and we can become very sick. And, know that someone is always here to listen.

Love,
Terry
Logged

"The amount of grief one feels is in direct proportion to the amount of love one felt." From C.S. Lewis in his book A Grief Observed.
Pages: [1] Print 
« previous next »
Jump to:  


Login with username, password and session length

Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.20 | SMF © 2013, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!