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September 22, 2014, 02:15:14 PM
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Author Topic: Riding the waves  (Read 72 times)
Posts: 12

Melissa (Stephs mom)

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« on: September 10, 2014, 10:55:03 AM »

Its been a while since i posted on here, i have been going on the compasionate friends page on face book the last few months but that is not private and all my friends see what i post or comment on. I was drawn here today because its private and this is also the first place i sought support online when i lost Stephanie. Her birthday is the 16th and its all i can think about lately, she would be turning 27 this year. I miss her so much and its only on pages like this that other people understand what i am going through. I am trying to move forward but its a hard wave to ride, this wave of grief is up and then down, and if your not careful it feels like it will pull you down deep. Its been almost 17 months since Steph died and i can't believe that much time has passed since i last saw her or spoke to her. My marriage is suffering, we both grieve differently and some times the distance between us seems so far, its hard to have those loving feelings when your heart is broken. We have had money and family issues as well, his mom has really bad dementia and he is going to have to become her gaurdian and his sibblings are irresponsible and can't even take care of themselves. I just keep putting on foot in front of the other and go through through the motions of life. I know now the pain will always be there and pray that some day i can find peace within myself. Its going to be up and down this next week, my grandson turns 2 on the 12th and we will be celebrating with family this Sunday which will be nice but its always a somebody is missing feeling when we get together now. Stephs birthday is the 16th which will be hard and we are going to to release a few balloons and drink a beer with her at the cemetary that day, she was all about celebrating her birthdays and i know she would love that.

My beautiful daughter Stephanie Leigh 9/16/87-4/15/13
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« Reply #1 on: September 12, 2014, 12:13:30 AM »

Hi Melissa,

I've been thinking about you and your beautiful Steph as her birthday fast approaches. This will only be her second heavenly birthday, which I consider to still be recent though I know for you that it must seem like an eternity already.
With your grandson's birthday so close to Stephanie's, it's certainly a bittersweet time. You're right that not only is it private on here but there's certainly an abundance of understanding.
Men and woman do grieve differently and that can be very hurtful for both parties. They say that jello can't hold up jello so many have sought outside help. At times it works and others it doesn't. I sure do understand though and I'm sorry you're feeling so alone.
I always felt, and still do feel that this board is the only place that I can write about anything I'm feeling and know that others are reading and understanding. That has meant more to me than anything because before I found this board I felt very alone. Very afraid.

Thanks for sharing what's been going on and post more when you're up to it. This is a very difficult time and we're here for you, Melissa. love9


"The amount of grief one feels is in direct proportion to the amount of love one felt." From C.S. Lewis in his book A Grief Observed.
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« Reply #2 on: September 19, 2014, 07:24:23 PM »

I could not agree more, Terry. Here's where I could go at 3 am when I couldn't sleep. Here's where I could go knowing no one would say " but it's been a year, time to get over it." Here is where people know that losing a child is like having a limb chopped off and hemorrhaging for the rest of your life. Fifteen years since I lost my 21 year-old Jimmy in  a car accident and 8 years later my 31year old Tom to suicide. I'm definitely damaged goods - but I'm OK. I've survived and rebuilt my life in a way that honors my sons and the love. For sure my husband and I grieved very differently, kind of beside each other but definitely not clinging to each other. The pace and patterns and process were different.  But we both found our ways to survive. Even though we didn't really want to.  Not suicidal - just wishing we could be with the boys. Now we have two little grand kids who make us so happy. For those of you early in the journey - And 17  months, though an eternity without a beloved child, is still early in the journey. Get through the hour, the day. Remember to breathe. Live in a way that honors the life of your beloved child.
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