What would you do..Please i,m open to advice

[angelicmom27]

A week and a half ago my husband told me he wanted a divorce period. He found someone else and lvoes her and wants to move on to that. We have three kids. And i,m a mom that doesnt have a car we have his and only his. So far we have been living together trying to figure out a way to get me a car to move to idaho and start my life as a single mom. I,m having anixety attacks so bad that a health speicality told him to stop at least talking to this other women while i,m present. if he leaves the house then fine contact her who cares. but yes because i still love him and care and i,m trying to treasure for my kids and stuipdy for myself the time that i do have left with him. And so i do make it hard for him to get away to call her. hell i look at it this way 10 yrs i deserve him to at least pause starting this till we part..if shes that important then dont sit here and say i still care about you i,m here for you. When really SHEs that important.
Well tonight he made a comment abotu that he hasnt been able to call her in two days. I was like big deal she will be there waiting for you when you leave me. Whats the problem with being with your family he doesnt want to stick around for christmas if he had his way and resources we would be gone before thanksgiving so. putting her on the back burner for a week or little more. Shouldnt matter. but i,m at the point where as bad is it will hurt. I,m abotu ready to say hell get on a bus leave me the truck once we get the resources to get me to idaho and away from you u can come back help me with that and be done with me. i wil give him a litle money but over all his bank card will be turned over to me beforee leaves to go to her. (no reason why i should pay for them to enjoy themselves.  but i feel the kids do deserve their dad to be here as long as he can before we are miles away and out of his life. he seems to be so focused on her. I,m just torn. it does give me anixety attacks having him tak to her she gets all the details about me and what i,m feeling and they are linked to each other and i get the heat when his parents are upset to how hes acting towards me for doing this to such a family and kids.
ANy suggestions would be so helpful..thanks

[SarahW]

A week and a half ago my husband told me he wanted a divorce period. He found someone else and lvoes her and wants to move on to that. We have three kids. And i,m a mom that doesnt have a car we have his and only his. So far we have been living together trying to figure out a way to get me a car to move to idaho and start my life as a single mom. I,m having anixety attacks so bad that a health speicality told him to stop at least talking to this other women while i,m present. if he leaves the house then fine contact her who cares. but yes because i still love him and care and i,m trying to treasure for my kids and stuipdy for myself the time that i do have left with him. And so i do make it hard for him to get away to call her. hell i look at it this way 10 yrs i deserve him to at least pause starting this till we part..if shes that important then dont sit here and say i still care about you i,m here for you. When really SHEs that important.
Well tonight he made a comment abotu that he hasnt been able to call her in two days. I was like big deal she will be there waiting for you when you leave me. Whats the problem with being with your family he doesnt want to stick around for christmas if he had his way and resources we would be gone before thanksgiving so. putting her on the back burner for a week or little more. Shouldnt matter. but i,m at the point where as bad is it will hurt. I,m abotu ready to say hell get on a bus leave me the truck once we get the resources to get me to idaho and away from you u can come back help me with that and be done with me. i wil give him a litle money but over all his bank card will be turned over to me beforee leaves to go to her. (no reason why i should pay for them to enjoy themselves.  but i feel the kids do deserve their dad to be here as long as he can before we are miles away and out of his life. he seems to be so focused on her. I,m just torn. it does give me anixety attacks having him tak to her she gets all the details about me and what i,m feeling and they are linked to each other and i get the heat when his parents are upset to how hes acting towards me for doing this to such a family and kids.
ANy suggestions would be so helpful..thanks

I am so sorry you have to deal with this.  It sounds very difficult and painful.

I think you are on the right track when you say you feel like you're at the point where you just want to get to Idaho and get away from the mess and start over for you and your kids.

I am widowed and never had to deal with this particular type of heartache, so I'm afraid I'm not a whole lot of help.  But I did have to raise my son alone.  So I can tell you that it was hard, but it was doable.  There were disadvantages in not having someone to help and be a partner, but there were some advantages in not having to argue with anyone in making decisions and such.

I will never forget when my son got into some trouble with another boy, and the parents had to meet with the school.  My son had just me there, and the other boy had four parents, because both his parents had re-married.  There was confusion and bickering, and my son and I were feeling like the lucky ones.  You never know what turns out right, in the end.

Hang in there; this would be a very challenging time for anyone.  If you have friends or family or loved ones you trust and can turn to, just to listen or help you do the practical things that need to be done, now is the time to let them help.

All my best.

[angelicmom27]

Thanks even tho you havnt gone thru the divorce part of this being a single mom part matters just as much. I am scared having three boys 7-6-4 is something i never thought i would face alone. I do have my well soon to be ex-husbands family they dont understand his reasoning either and have taken me and the kids under their wings and yes it bothers me that they choose me over their son. They are being a true family,which as his mom said is more then he can say.
 I hope to let me friends be there for me but as this has effected me, i feel so scared to let anyone close as i have gotten so crushed and hurt from letting my husband get so close to me and become someone that i depended on.
 Right now i,m facing that before i move to idaho his mom and step mom are wanting to see me and the kids but NOT him and at the moment i dont have my own car so me and just the kids going 4 hrs away without him isnt likly so yet another changelle, i feel like they keep pouring in.  Ive heard being a single mom is the hardest thing but also most rewarding, so i hope to see that light. i hope that yes i can make my kids feel lucky and loved and be all that they need weather their dad plays a part in their life 100% or off and on or not at all.
  thanks
anyone with any advice please, i,m listening with any helpful ieas. facing thishas been a nitemare.

[laurenE]

I'm so sorry you are in this difficult situation.  

Allow me to remind you that  he will be paying child support if you get divorced.  So you will have some money coming in.  It is usually based on his yearly income for the past 3 yrs here in my state. Every little bit helps.   But please hold him responsible for this child support, as he was the one who had the fun in helping you conceive them,  so he needs to support them as well.  Its the least he can do.   If he is not working now,  then when he does get a job  they will take money out of his check to send to you.   But you have to do the paper work and get legal advice to help you with this.
 
You can get free legal advice in the state where you live now.   Look up the Idaho bar association (or wherever you live).  This is the legal bar association.  Once you get that number you will be able to call them and ask a lawyer how to get a divorce when you have no money.   You owe it to yourself and the kids to get this information.  Information is POWER.  

If you dont get a legal divorce then he will never legally have to pay you a dime for the kids in child support.  Too many women just move away from him and dont do the paper work to make it official, and then they get no money for their kids.  You deserve better than that.  

 It takes 2 people to want to work on a marriage , to make it work.  If one of you wants to stay married and the other does not,  then its over.   Its impossible to fix the marriage when  only one of you wants to be married.  If he is willing to work on the marriage and get rid of the girlfriend, then get marriage counseling.  INSIST on it if he wants to ever sleep in your bed again.  If he wont give her up, then you cant make someone love you. I wish we could sometimes.  But we cant.   Move forward with your life and leave him with this woman while you make a new life of your own, focusing on your boys and yourself and healing. 

Go to your local  mental health agency.  They have counselors and social workers that are there to help you through this seperation, divorce,  moving,  single parent, and anxiety issues.    If you dont have an income to pay for the visit,   then they will sign you up for medicaid and you will not have to pay anything.  

 If you do have a small job,  they will charge you based on your income.  For example,   if you make 3000.00 a yr,  their fee for a visit will go as low as  around $7.00 per visit.   But if you make a billion dollars a year, then the cost for a visit would be their full fee which is somewhere around $100.00 per visit.  If you dont have any income, then of course you dont pay anything.  Medicaid will pay for it,  once they sign you up for it.   Thats the beauty of the state help.  At least thats the way it is in the state where I live.  I am guessing that most states have this same or similar policy.. so check it out!

Ask a friend or family member to help you with all of this.  It is overwhelming to do it all by yourself when you are grieving the loss of your life,  emotions,  marriage,  and the way things have been.    We cant think streight when we are that emotional.  So please ask for help.   You deserve that.   Move closer to those who will support you emotionally and possibly help you a bit financially.  We do better in life when we are surrounded by those who will help us put one foot in front of the other.   You will sometimes need  baby sitting help with the boys so that you can get out of the house once in awhile,  etc etc.  So I hope that when you say you want to move to Idaho,  you are moving closer to someone who will be kind and help you.

Again I am so sorry for all that you and your young boys are dealing with.  

lauren