Author Topic: Introductions  (Read 39054 times)

Terry

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Re: Introductions
« Reply #90 on: November 21, 2017, 09:20:40 AM »
Hello. I lost my mom about 3 weeks ago.  The grief has finally started to settle in.   My mom was in the hospital for 3 months.  Seemed like every time I turned around something was going wrong.  She passed  on Oct 27th 2017.  I am devastated.  My heart breaks for my dad.  It saddens me to think how he must feel.   I would like some ideas how to make it past the holidays and the next few months…


Hi Chase,

I'm so sorry to read of the death of your precious Mom. Welcome to our Webhealing Family.

http://webhealing.com/forums/index.php?topic=7174.msg51384#msg51384 This is a link to the Holiday posts - "The first Christmas after a death" by Susan Dunn is an excellent read and have helped many find ways to cope at this difficult time of year.
It's just you and your Dad entering the holiday season?

Do what is comfortable for you, Chase and for your Dad. Others do not walk in your shoes, they do not feel your pain. We understand here. Post as often as you are comfortable....someone is always reading and reaching out a hand.

We're here for you.

Hugs,
Terry

Lacemaker

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Re: Introductions
« Reply #91 on: November 24, 2017, 06:37:47 PM »
Hi Chase, Sorry to hear about your mom. Not sure I have any ideas to help with the holidays as I'm in your same boat so to speak. I lost my mom in April and this is the first holidays without her and is proving to be very difficult. The one thing I've learned is to do what is comfortable to you. and there is no right or wrong to grieving and no time schedule. As we all grieve differently. But this group is here for each other if nothing else to listen when you need to vent.

Lov3linds

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Re: Introductions
« Reply #92 on: December 05, 2017, 02:17:32 AM »
My name is Lindsay.
My father committed suicide almost 20 years ago. I was 11.
I'm still struggling.
We don't have any support groups where I live so I am here.

BrettJudd

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Re: Introductions
« Reply #93 on: December 13, 2017, 02:48:19 PM »
My name is Lindsay.
My father committed suicide almost 20 years ago. I was 11.
I'm still struggling.
We don't have any support groups where I live so I am here.


I am glad that you found this forum and hope that it might help you.

The early and tragic loss of a parent can be difficult to manage, especially without supports and good help.
One thing I always coach clients to do is to is eliminate any thoughts of "I should be better, over it, etc", or "this is taking too long". 

Grief and loss are a lifelong companion we learn to manage and embrace.

Best of success and support.
"There is no right or wrong way to grieve as long as you are grieving. Sometimes the best thing we can do to mourn with those that mourn is to just sit with them and be there." Brett M Judd MSW ~ Creator of Pathway Through Grief

Terry

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Re: Introductions
« Reply #94 on: December 17, 2017, 07:43:17 PM »
My name is Lindsay.
My father committed suicide almost 20 years ago. I was 11.
I'm still struggling.
We don't have any support groups where I live so I am here.


((((Lindsay)))),

11 is so young to bury a parent. We are left with so many questions that we may never get the answers to. Tell us about your Dad. How have you been doing with the holidays here?

Big hugs,
Terry


Jaimie

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Re: Introductions
« Reply #95 on: October 08, 2018, 11:07:42 AM »
Hi,
I'm Jaimie.  I lost both my parents in 2017, 8 months apart.  My mom in April and my dad in early December. Both deaths were unexpected as they were both relatively healthy individuals.  They never did figure out what my mom had.  Basically she got sick in the winter and died. My dad went in for a relatively "easy" heart valve surgery and was supposed to be just fine, and never actually woke up again.  I watched both parents deteriorate in the hospital over a 2 week period and was with them when they took their last breaths.  It's those images that always seem to pop into my mind as I'm trying to enjoy the good memories.  Some days I keep busy with work and coaching and life in general (I have a 14 year old). But lately I feel like I struggle more and more and can't seem to "be happy".  I have moments of happiness ( my boyfriend of 5 months is wonderful and I love him and his two kids.) but I have an overall general sense of "unhappiness".
I have taken on my parents' farm which includes 9 chickens, 1 large, needy dog, and 3 cats (5 total, 2 were mine).  I am in the process of moving from my home in a small community a block from the school I work at, into my childhood home on the farm.  It was a choice I made to do so, as I felt it was the right thing to do and I do love it out there and it made more sense to take over the animals, etc there, then to try to sell it all and get rid of my parents (and mine) beloved home.  But I second-guess myself constantly.  When my dad passed, I was engaged and in a 2+ year relationship.  He started "talking to someone" behind my back and we broke up about a week before my Mom's 1 year anniversary death.  So that was difficult as well and left me alone (with my daughter) in the country in an old farmhouse with a lot of work that needs to be done all over the place.  Every time I turn around, I feel like something is breaking down or needs to be done or I can't go anywhere like I used to because of the dog, etc, etc.  So I feel anger about it as well as I feel like everyone else got to go back to their "lives" and mine was turned upside down.  I'm surrounded by memories of my folks on a daily basis and am tasked with the job of going through their things to make room for mine. I have an older sister that lives an hour away.  She is not very helpful and seemed content to let me deal with ALL the paperwork and business end of everything since my dad passed. She has helped go through things maybe 3 times for a couple hours at a time.  But there is 50+ years of stuff to go through and unfortunately my dad was quite a pack rat. (Which I do sometimes find some humor in at the weird stuff he has saved.) 
I still have not figured out a "new normal".  I'm not sure what that is.  I'm tired of feeling like this.  Most nights I have trouble getting to sleep as I need someone to talk to and everyone else in the world is asleep.  My boyfriend (who didn't have the pleasure of getting a chance to meet my folks) has been there for me, but we don't always get to see each other due to work obligations, kids, and he lives an hour away.  So he doesn't stay by me every other week when he has his kids.  So that is also hard for me. 
As I read this, I feel like a whiny baby and that is not really who I am (most people would describe me as "upbeat, fun, strong, etc).  But I guess I just don't know where to turn.  I'm not getting better at this and feel like I am having even MORE of a difficult time than I was before.
I hope that by being on this forum and getting a chance to talk about my feelings will help me.
Thanks for listening to my "life story".

lewisfamily23

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Re: Introductions
« Reply #96 on: October 16, 2018, 08:03:31 PM »
Hi,

I'm Kristina and I just lost my best friend in the whole world, my dad.  He passed away on the 10th of this month and I honestly don't know what to do half the time.  I am being strong for my mother and I just don't know how much longer I can stay strong for her and my children.  I keep blaming myself for not seeing the signs that he wasn't doing good on that day.  I just need help or someone else that understands.  I get tired of hearing, sorry for your loss, and everything.  To me they are just words and I'm wishing they would just let me be and everything.  What even more sucks is my birthday is the end of this week and I don't even want anything besides for having my daddy back.  I am not sure how I can handle all these's firsts that is coming up.  Ugh.. sorry for rambling, but this is all I can come up with and I am hoping this online group will help me

mtrujil3

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Re: Introductions
« Reply #97 on: October 22, 2018, 08:34:50 PM »
Hi,

My name is Marissa. I am 22 years old. My mother passed away on February 21, 2018; just over 8 months ago. She was only 48 years old. She had the autoimmune disease scleroderma and it was so bad. She was in so much pain and yet she still had a smile on her face everyday. I don't know how she did it. Ever since she passed away it feels like my life isn't real. Time passes by so fast and all I do is wish she was here. I am graduating from college this year and I can't believe she's not going to be here. I know for a fact I have not fully processed her death, even though I was with her. I still think maybe, just maybe it's not real. I have been searching for support groups but I cannot find any with people who are my age or who have experienced something similar. I have a younger sister too. My parents had just hit their 25th year of marriage. The love my dad gave to her...is indescribable. I am so thankful for him. I miss her everyday more and more and I have gotten to the point where I cannot focus. I am very good at hiding the way I truly feel and I don't talk about my sadness, not even to my family. I am hoping this forum helps me. God bless you mommy. I hope heaven is treating you well...

Justrambling

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Re: Introductions
« Reply #98 on: November 18, 2018, 05:48:53 PM »
Hi All,
I am  Justrambling, and I am a mom to 2 adult "boys" both in their early 20's, a wife and a furbaby mom.  I work as a Special Education Paraprofessional.  I have lost several people that I was close to.  First was my father-in-law in June 2009.  We were at the house when it happened.  Next, was my dad, who I always said was my "kindred spirit", in March 2010.  I was devastated, but as a mom, I had to pick myself up and get on with life.  I grieved, and it took several years before I could get through the anniversary without crying.  Next in Feb. 2013 was my beloved boxer dog who had cancer and finally got so sick she had to be put to sleep.  In some ways, that was harder than losing my dad.  Because she was an everyday part of my life.  My dad lived on the other side of the country, so I didn't see him every day.  A year later, I had to put my sweet kitty to sleep. Then, in Jan. 2016 my brother-in-law (husbands brother) who we were very close to, died from cancer, although he was fighting cancer, we did not expect him to pass away as he did.  He was only 52 and left behind his wife and his daughter.  His daughter was completely devastated and has been in therapy ever since.  Then Sept. 2016 my cousin, who was my best friend, passed away from cancer.  Since her passing, I can't even talk about her without crying, I have been really struggling to get over her death, she was only 55yrs. old. My grandpa passed away that same weekend.  Anyway, after him, a very good friend suddenly died in her sleep in Dec. 2016.  In Oct. 2017 my sister-in-law, also only 52 (husbands sister) who was a year younger than me, suddenly passed away, she was the caretaker for my mother-in-law, so we all had to step up and take turns taking care of her, which was extremely stressful.  Then, in June 2018 I had to put my last kitty to sleep, right before I was having hip replacement surgery.  We've also had some longtime friends pass away recently as well.  I am not saying all this for sympathy, but to explain maybe that I've had so many hits that I haven't had an opportunity to process and grieve, so I feel like I'm not myself anymore.  I don't have joy, I can laugh, but it is just momentary, and lately, I've been struggling with having any sort of feelings.  When my friend passed away suddenly, I didn't even cry, not even at the memorial service, and that is TOTALLY not like me, I'm an easy crier.  Lately, I don't know if numb is the right word for how I feel, but I feel like I have one feeling....and no strong feelings one way or another for anything.  I used to be really social and loved going out and doing things with friends.  Now, I much prefer staying home.  I have anxiety attacks sometimes, I've had to call in sick some days because I was feeling overly anxious.  The thought of having to make a phone call to some office or anything makes me panic and not be able to do it.  The thought of going to a gathering of more than 2 or 3 friends, makes me DREAD even going, so therefore, I tend to turn down the invitation.  I realized last week that maybe I need grief counseling to help me process all these things.  I'm having anxiety about calling the office about getting an appointment.  I talked to my sister-in-law about it, who then told my niece that I was anxious about it.  She is so sweet, she told me that she would go with me to my appointment if I wanted her to.  So I think I may take her up on that offer, otherwise, I think I would keep putting off calling for an appointment.  Sorry for all the rambling.  There's a reason I chose my username to be Justrambling....I am hoping that this will be a good place for me to go to help me get through this, so I can be back to my regular self.     

libbyc019714

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Re: Introductions
« Reply #99 on: December 04, 2018, 06:21:57 PM »
Hi, my name is Libby and I just lost my dad on September 26th this year. He only saw me one time as a baby but him and I got back in contact in September of last year. He was my best friend and I love him and miss him so much. I was devastated when I got the call that he died. It’s caused me much stress and anxiety and I wish I could have him back. I’m angry at God for taking my daddy from me, and also at my mother for not letting him see me more than once, my mother passed in 2006. I have an older brother on my dad’s side too and my family has been having a very rough time with it. I’m going into counseling to get some help too and I know this forum will also help me. God bless you, Dad. Fly High my angel... I know you are in a better place.