Author Topic: Introductions thread  (Read 53993 times)

Terry

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Re: Introductions thread
« Reply #150 on: October 20, 2017, 06:55:16 AM »
((((Randi))))

I'm so sorry for your great loss. Welcome to our Webhealing family.

Tell us about your love.

We're here for you.

Hugs,
Terry

JustMark

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Re: Introductions thread
« Reply #151 on: October 20, 2017, 10:57:55 AM »
Randij you have my sincere condolences about your boyfriend. You may find this group helpful. I know I have with loosing my wife in March. You are also not the only one that comes here thinking they aren't good at expressing their feelings. I was too but I did learn to open up and coming her quite helpful. Everyone that comes here either is going through or has been through dealing with the grief of loosing a loved one. Some of us more then one. We are quite familiar with most of the classic issue and all sorts of problems that that we encounter in dealing with our losses. We each share our insights or experiences of what works and sometimes our setbacks to help develop and learn skills to help us deal with a new life with loss because loosing a loved one is very much a life changing event for us. I'm not sure how new to you, your loss is but I know for me the first thing I had to relearn to do was make sure I took care of myself like getting motivated to cook for myself with me being the only one at home now. There is nothing wrong with my cooking and I made most of the meals while my wife Gina was alive but I still struggle with motivation to do it for myself. I'm a disabled vet and I have also restarted rehabbing my home. I had started in 2014 and continued to work on it up til Gina couldn't take care of herself in April of 2015. She already had disabilities and was doing ok but in April of 2015 she had knee replacement surgery and loss the use of her right arm. So I put the house on hold and took care of her. One problem I am encountering now is back in 2014 Gina picked a whole lot of things that I bought to install during the rehabbing and just now putting in like bathroom fixtures, shower units, ceiling fans and lamps the whole 9 yards. She even bought us new desks to use in what will become the new offices I will soon finish in the basement but Gina isn't here to see when things get finished. Plus we had planned on reopening our charity after Gina regained the use of her arm, to help disabled people with with a few new toys that cost around $15,000 for mechanical, electrical, software engineering and other items for small scale manufacturing on top of what I had already from an engineering company I closed before I met Gina, here in our home. That is what we planned on doing so that is what I will be doing when the house is finished. Because I'll reopen the company in honor of Gina.  So I guess you could say I also learned if I keep myself busy I don't dwell too much and stay out of trouble.

mare0202

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Re: Introductions thread
« Reply #152 on: November 12, 2017, 09:51:26 AM »
Hi All,

My name is Mary Rose, and I lost my husband of 33 years 3 weeks ago today, after a long battle with cancer.  To complicate matters, I lost my Mom on 5/22/17, and my Aunt Shorti (my second Mom), on 10/17/17, five days before my husband.  To say my family is reeling from all this loss would be an understatement.  I realize grieving great love and loss is a process, but OMG it hurts, hurts, hurts too bad

Looking forward to getting to know you all,
Mary Rose

desertrose

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Introductions thread
« Reply #153 on: November 30, 2017, 10:44:31 PM »
Hello, I'm not sure this is the right site for me, but I'm giving it a shot.  My name is Maria.  My husband died unexpectedly 14 months ago.  We had 17, not so happy years.  When I got the news, it was almost like a relief.  I've been doing okay.  At least I give the appearance that I am. I've been functioning normally, but when I let my guard down and talk about him or in private I can't help but feel all kinds of emotions.  I know that its okay to allow myself to feel them, and I have.  Mostly my heart aches.  I do have a strong support base of family, friends, and faith.  I'm not looking for sympathy, just guidance and hopefully the right path towards healing and forgiveness. 

Terry

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Re: Introductions thread
« Reply #154 on: December 01, 2017, 08:53:14 AM »
Hi All,

My name is Mary Rose, and I lost my husband of 33 years 3 weeks ago today, after a long battle with cancer.  To complicate matters, I lost my Mom on 5/22/17, and my Aunt Shorti (my second Mom), on 10/17/17, five days before my husband.  To say my family is reeling from all this loss would be an understatement.  I realize grieving great love and loss is a process, but OMG it hurts, hurts, hurts too bad

Looking forward to getting to know you all,
Mary Rose

Mary Rose,

I'm so sorry to read of all of your great losses. This is a difficult time of year so reach out and know that we're here for you whenever you post.

Sending hugs & understanding,
Terry

Terry

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Re: Introductions thread
« Reply #155 on: December 01, 2017, 08:58:44 AM »
Hello, I'm not sure this is the right site for me, but I'm giving it a shot.  My name is Maria.  My husband died unexpectedly 14 months ago.  We had 17, not so happy years.  When I got the news, it was almost like a relief.  I've been doing okay.  At least I give the appearance that I am. I've been functioning normally, but when I let my guard down and talk about him or in private I can't help but feel all kinds of emotions.  I know that its okay to allow myself to feel them, and I have.  Mostly my heart aches.  I do have a strong support base of family, friends, and faith.  I'm not looking for sympathy, just guidance and hopefully the right path towards healing and forgiveness.

Hi Maria,

I'm sorry to read about the death of your husband. I understand having mixed emotions on many different levels. This is your time to take all the time you need to sort out all of those feelings. You're way ahead already....you're very honest.

We're here for you. Post any time.

Hugs,
Terry

mousewife

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Re: Introductions thread
« Reply #156 on: February 11, 2018, 01:46:03 PM »
Hi All,
I haven't been here for a few years.  I am not actively grieving.  It's been almost 11 years since I lost my husband.  I just need a place to share my frustration and disappointment with not being able to make male friendships, or create any serious dating relationships. For the past five years I have engaged in, and hosted many singles meetup activities, volunteer in many and varied programs, and tried online dating.  All with no success. Most of the men I meet are 10-17 years younger, or they are older than me.  In other words, I don't view them as an appropriate age for me to be more than friends, but even friendships are naturally limited when we are not from the same generation.  Also, men my age are seeking women 10-30 years younger. I'm 63. I feel like I will likely live another 30 years. Even with my strong faith, it is a constant painful struggle to keep doing life alone. 

I know many of you here are not at a point where this is of any interest to you,  but I am in great pain.  I survived the pain of loss, healed enough to be ready to try again, only to discover the reality of the probability that I will never find anyone I want, who wants me. This is making me long for what I know I can't have again, so, I guess in a way I am grieving again.

Thanks for listening.

Peace and Healing,
mousewife

JustMark

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Re: Introductions thread
« Reply #157 on: February 13, 2018, 01:13:50 PM »
Hi mousewife, not sure if I should chime in here or not as my Gina's passing is still fairly fresh to me to be worried about dating at this time. I don't know enough about you or your situation to give advice or not. So I can only go by what I see written but I think you may be putting too much emphasis on age to rule prospective candidates out. Most of the guys I have ran across that are my age, which is 56 that are widowed or single aren't really worried that much about age or finding a woman more then 10 years younger then they are because they don't want to be emotionally taken advantage of. I don't know what area of the country you live in so maybe it's your area or perhaps your just perceiving it that way.

mousewife

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Re: Introductions thread
« Reply #158 on: February 19, 2018, 07:11:34 PM »
Hi JustMark,

First, let me say I am very sorry that you have lost your wife.  I know it is so hard.  I still miss my husband, but, it is much easier than it was.  In March it will be 11 years for me. I used to post here a lot, mostly to try and encourage others, but also reading other's posts helped me a lot.  It took me about five years before I could even think about the possibility of someone else.  It's not a guilt thing.  He wanted me to find someone else if I could.  But I waited a long time for God to bring the two of us together, so I think he knew it would not be easy for me to find the right person. I'm quite sure however, that he never would have thought  it would be for the reason that it is.

I appreciate the fact that you offered a comment. Though this is not like the pain of grieving, it is painful to find that you are not valued by your male cohorts.

I live in Illinois, but, this is a widespread issue both in the U.S. and in other countries from everything I have read. Online most of the men specify that they are looking for women 10-30 years younger.

I have only recently met a man who is 60, what I consider an appropriate age for me, though I am 63.  But even he as expressed an interest in 40 somethings. That really hurts.  None of my female friends are having any success either.  One friend is 57 and she is dating a 67 year old because he pursued her and he was pretty much her only option.  She does care for him, but she would have preferred someone her own age.

This is just the way it is.  I don't understand why.  Especially when a guy is a Christian.  I thought that men of faith would see value in us the way God does.  But I have found this not to be so.

I'm sure there are still some men who would prefer to date someone within five years either way, but I have never encountered one. 

It is very hard for me to live this life, and think of a future devoid of any male perspective or interaction.  I had such a great relationship with my husband.  He was my soulmate and my best friend. I would love to be loved again, and have someone to grow old with, but even a good friend would be great.

Anyway, thanks for taking the time to post.  That was a kindness.  I hope your days free of sorrow and heartache will become more frequent as you continue on this journey.

Peace and Healing,
mousewife

KIM61

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Re: Introductions thread
« Reply #159 on: February 22, 2018, 11:23:37 AM »
Hi. My name is Kim. My husband passed away on Dec 4 2017. 
I am doing ok. Just get overwhelmed from time to time.  Taking it day to day. Keeping busy
With work and hobbies. Nice to know there is a place to go and
Chat if needed. I am a better listener than a talker.  Thank you for being here.

mousewife

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Re: Introductions thread
« Reply #160 on: February 23, 2018, 12:51:31 PM »
Hi Kim,

I am so sorry for the loss of your husband, and especially that it was so close to Christmas.  This would have made it much harder for me.

I am glad that you have some things that keep your mind occupied for at least some of the time.  Yes, it is good to take things a day, or even a minute at a time.  Express yourself here whenever you need to.  It is a good and safe place to do that.  Reading other's posts is also helpful.

Peace and Healing,
mousewife

KIM61

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Re: Introductions thread
« Reply #161 on: February 25, 2018, 07:11:39 AM »
Hi mousewife
Thanks for your response. Nice to hear from you.
I believe all is well and I must embrace change. No one likes change lol.
But I also believe you find happiness from yourself. Time will tell since it's only been 4 months.
One day at a time

JustMark

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Re: Introductions thread
« Reply #162 on: March 03, 2018, 08:11:40 AM »
Hi KIM61, welcome to the group. I'm sorry to hear about your husband. Taking it one day at a time is all we can do when we loose our spouse and staying busy does help but there is still that time during the day where it can seem over whelming but it does ease with time.  I stop in here from time to time as I have gotten a lot of good advice and I been told I do ok at rendering advice here and there as I can. All of us in here are in different stages of grief and help each other trying to be supportive. In about 2 weeks it will be the one year anniversary of my wife passing. Hobbies do help quite a bit. Just after I planted a vegetable garden last year. I had a guitar Gina had given me for Christmas in 2014 and had placed in storage so it would be safe while I rehabbed the house and got the new office in the basement for me and Gina. Anyway she passed before I got the office in but I said the heck with it and dug it our early. I don't think Gina would mind and the office still isn't finished yet even though I have worked on it. I'm also disabled so I can only work here and there as I can. I have both good and bad days. Gina got me the guitar because I'm an old pro bass player from years ago before I had kids. I played a little bit of classical guitar back then too. When Gina and I first met I was getting back into playing bass for our church and she loved to hear me play. She asked me one time why I never played lead and I explained I never owned an electric 6 string or took the time to learn. That was in early 2007 Then in 2014 when I finally started getting VA disability and social security for Christmas there was a brand new Fender Telecaster with a note it was time for me to learn. I don't think she could have picked a better guitar for me. Anyway as far as hobbies I'm learning lead guitar and every now and then I get a sense Gina is watching.

JustMark

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Re: Introductions thread
« Reply #163 on: March 03, 2018, 11:35:14 PM »
Well mousewife,
You said a mouthful but I'm more then happy to give my point of view on some of what you wrote. I'm not anyone that is special or have anymore insight into things then anybody else. I'm just very down to earth. Not afraid to say what's on my mind. I wear my heart on my sleeve or not afraid to say things from my heart to others, honest and sincere and occasionally have all the subtlety and charm of a hand grenade in the middle of the night. In other words I'm not always soft spoken and I am a Christian.

Any man that seeks someone 30 to 40 years younger then they are I would question if they are Christian. They are not looking for companionship, they are looking for eye candy because they want to appease their ego or foolish pride, lust of the flesh and be a show off. In order for them to do that they would need to put up a facade instead of letting people see who they really are. The sad news is for guys like that sooner or later that facade comes off.

In my case someone 40 years younger then me the girl, yes I said girl, not woman is just completing high school and doesn't know much about life yet. One 30 years younger then me puts her in her 20's, either went to college and is on the starting end of a career and maybe she is not going to let anything interfere with the career development, Perhaps they didn't go to college and is a wild child, maybe already has a failed marriage under their belt with young kids or passably some other baggage like maybe a father figure for themselves and not a companion. If that is what the guys are looking for to help fill their foolish pride or relive their youth again? More power to them. I can give dozens of reasons why a man looking for a companion and not someone as young as their children or grand children. Guys like that it doesn't bring them happiness because they begin thinking they have to keep themselves looking young and the more they peruse trying to keep themselves young while aging keeps pushing it further away and harder to hide it. 

I'm the type that should I start dating again or looking for companionship I'm in the group with those other guys looking for plus or minus 5 years of my own age. Maybe 10 at the youngest. If I need input on things from life I haven't experienced they are more apt to be able to speak from experience. More apt to appreciate similar things we grew up with like music, yes the dreaded 70's disco or dances, like I really could do the bump or hustle with out causing body damage now days. We also can't forget mood rings and pet rocks. It's ok to laugh about it. People closer to our own age are more apt to more in common then those that are two or 3 decades apart. Well I have to check on my dog Tunnie. She is due her meds and also will need to go out.



KIM61

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Re: Introductions thread
« Reply #164 on: March 05, 2018, 07:36:08 AM »
Hi JustMark
Thank you for your reply. I agree there are certain times of the day that are over whelming. Little triggers that cause a wave of thoughts and feelings. Things are very different now. Richard had lung cancer so we had a year of treatment before his passing. During that year we did a lot of talking and learned a lot about each other even though we were together for 34 years. Some surprises! lol but the time was well spent. I think that year was the hardest just knowing the outcome no matter what. But even though our lives were consumed with cancer and treatments and side effects it did give us time unlike a sudden death.
I am sorry about the loss of your wife. I think guitar is very good way to keep busy and sort feelings. Glad you have that. And I am sure Gina is watching and very happy you are leaning!
One day at a time and a lot of prayers!