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Kaly
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« on: May 11, 2009, 05:03:00 PM »

Hi...my 22 year old son lives about one hour away from us...he couldn't get a job in his profession in our province Ontario--went to get licensed in Alberta (36 hours of driving away) and is moving out there in 2 weeks.

I am so sad and broken.  My brain knows it is the right thing, but my heart doesn't.  He is going with his fiance that is also in the same profession and they were both hired  with full time positions  which is a true miracle...but I still can't be happy in my heart.

I have read some of the blogs and know that I am not alone, but I do feel so alone.  If someone mentions it, I cry...I am trying to keep it together but not doing a great job at all for my other son and my husband.

When does the pain stop?  How do you move through this--it is such a happy event that we are so proud about...but I feel so sad.
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sevenofwands
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« Reply #1 on: May 12, 2009, 09:28:42 AM »

Hello Kaly:

A parting always holds a measure of sadness, regardless of the circumstances (happy circumstances in this case).  It is wonderful that both your son and his fiancée have jobs in these recessionary times, and opportunities ahead of them.  I suppose it is something that he has not had to go abroad to work, and is in the same country.  I am sure you will visit him, and he will visit you.  With time it is even possible that as things improve he will again find work closer to home.  Life does seem to be a kaleidoscope of partings and meetings, doesn't it?

All the best
Seven
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pondering
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« Reply #2 on: June 02, 2009, 04:52:48 AM »

If he left the home for doing any job then its not bad. I understand a mothers feeling. You can proud to your son because he going to fight their life challenges their own. I hope when he settled in his job, he will definitely back to you.
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scampi
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« Reply #3 on: June 03, 2009, 05:54:35 PM »

I have mentioned this on other posts - but will post it again for you.  my daughter has moved to the other side of the world and no matter what people say keeping in touch is very hard because of the time dfference.

You do have the internet and phone as well meaning friends say, but try to find someone who is in the same postion as you .  Friends whose children and grandchildren live close to them really do not understand - you need to find someone to talk to who is in the same postiion.

i wish you all the best - please try to find an appropriate person to chat and cry to
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deb112958
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« Reply #4 on: June 09, 2009, 07:54:19 AM »

My 22 year old son is moving to South Korea to teach English for a year. He is leaving on Sunday and I'm having a really hard time dealing with it. The hardest part is knowing I won't see him for a whole year and him being in a strange place where he doesn't know anyone or speak the language.

How to handle this....I don't know. I can't talk to my husband about it because he has dementia and doesn't get it. My daughter just thinks I'm being crazy. No one seems to understand
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aprilflowers
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« Reply #5 on: June 09, 2009, 09:08:10 PM »

I have such sympathy for you; I am in the same boat with my daughter moving away in a few weeks. It's like you can't face the reality, but it's always there like some kind of ache. I have been trying to figure out exactly what things makes me the saddest to get some new skills to deal with it. I think part of it is that it's a transition for you too, and you fear you won't have the same relationship with your son after he leaves. Or you'll be less close.  I am sorry it's just so hard.
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rita-grammy
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« Reply #6 on: June 23, 2009, 12:00:31 PM »

I'm so sorry...I know how you feel ...my son also will be leaving home soon and my two grandchildren who are spending the summer with me will be going home next month...my daughter passed away almost a year ago and now I tell myself ...i have no one I'll be alone again..its the most horrible feeling...my husband says well, you have me...my husband ignores everyone including me ...I may as well be alone...I understand the sadness I have two other children one lives five hours away I only see him maybe twice a year..he is busy working has three kids...my other daughter has six kids always busy she lives one hour away...I feel alone and lost...I keep telling myself I really need to get a life...If you do find the answers please let me know ...

Rita
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sevenofwands
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« Reply #7 on: June 24, 2009, 08:13:03 AM »

This is very sad, Rita.  What you say about your husband.  Perhaps now that both of you will be alone together it might be an idea to try to open the lines of communication, and simply ask him why he ignores you (does this mean he never speaks to you, or pretends you are not there?).  What do you think happened to produce this "ignoring" on his part? 
You have probably been married for many years, and surely there must be some common ground, or I suppose you would not have married him.

I hope you can work something out.
All the best
Seven
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rita-grammy
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« Reply #8 on: June 26, 2009, 08:14:07 AM »

Seven
I think he has mother issues....she always ignored him or when he did say anything she put him down for it...I'm just guessing...he just lets me talk and cry and says nothing....he does'nt agree he does'nt argue..nothing....anything said is pretty basic like good morning...sleep well..and yes..at one time he did talk to me ...but, to be honest with you I feel he acts just like his mother and sister...they don't have to work at relationships they should be loved just because they exist ....hes a good man ...he just does'nt get it......my kids ..my youngest just turned 28 and without my grandkids I would be alone...I feel so like Kaley what am I going to do all alone?Huh? I wish I knew because sometimes my thoughts scare me.....

Rita

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I'll love you for always
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my baby you'll be
lespinoza0315
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« Reply #9 on: August 03, 2009, 05:25:23 PM »

My son is also moving away.  Going to LA to pursue a career in film.  I ache so much.  My older son moved away 10 years ago and still lives out of town.  We are still really close, talking almost every day.  I took it hard when he left, but with this son....I don't know....it hurts so much more.  Probably because he is my baby and the last one to leave.  I want to be excited for him and strong, but I just cry all the time.  I never let him see me sad so I am really strong when he is around.  I am afraid for his safety and his emotional well-being.  I am afraid that he won't care for himself properly.  All these fears are probably just terrible sadness because he is a very responsible person.  I just can't get rid of the ache......my heart is breaking..
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Luvinmike
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« Reply #10 on: August 05, 2009, 09:07:24 PM »

Dear lespinoza0315;
     I hope you will eventually feel more comfortable with your son's ambitious move- and I hope he has an excellent experience. He will miss you and his love for you will grow in the missing, so you will have that extra love to look forward to from him. I have not experienced a child moving away- so I wish you strength in adapting to this major change. I hope you take good care of you.
terri
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lespinoza0315
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« Reply #11 on: August 07, 2009, 11:37:49 AM »

Terri, thank you so much for your kind words.  The day is nearing when he will be moving.  I don't know how I am going to be able to cope.  It like this, you have them, spend all your life caring for them and loving them, being Mom....then they leave and now, Who Am I?  What Am I?  I have a loving husband who is very supportive (not their dad) I am also very good friends with their dad.......and my Older son (who also lives out of town) just told me that him and his wife are expecting.  They think that the new addition will be a distraction.  Lovely for them to think that way...but not true....Just feeling a bit blue..thank you for your support.  And I will look forward to the extra love from him.  thank you..........
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