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Author Topic: What to do now? (Break up)  (Read 4364 times)
Daystars
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« on: May 01, 2009, 02:57:23 PM »

Before I tell you what is going on you should know she is 19 and I am 30. We also have a 6 mo old son right now. We have been living together for over 1 year now.

I have been with my ex-fiance for right around 2 years. This year at our birthday parties she just started acting very strangely. And I thought she was unfaithful one night. Since the next day she told me she wanted to leave me. Everything was fine then she wanted to be break up, just bam out of the blue. She said she needed time to think and she wanted to date another man that we both knew. Well before the end of the week he told her he was not interested. So she came home to work on the situation.  She acted like everything was fine for about 2 weeks. Then on thursday last week she told me she was going out with friends. Well I didn't have a problem with that. Until I called her friends to find out what she wanted for dinner and she told me she was in another state.

After that I found out she went back to him.  Since she uses my computers and stuff in the house. It was captured in one of the chat logs that they had planned on having sex then she was going to come home.  I wanted to honestly believe she had not slept with him but it has been since my birthday on the 4th of this month.  Yes, love is blind. Since then it has been just a constant war around my home, since we have to deal with each other almost daily for our son.  He told her he was just using her and would have kept having sex with her up until she left me. Because now she is too much drama, but she thinks she is in love with him. She tells me she doesn't love me or want to work things out. But she also says she needs more time. What is she really saying? Also she has sent our son away to her mothers.


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Daystars
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« Reply #1 on: May 01, 2009, 03:21:38 PM »

 In addition I need to add the truth finally came out from the man taking advantage of her. There are a few things that hurt me a lot here and almost beyond finding my sanity. First she left me for someone who can not care and does not. She knows this but doesn't care.  Plus she is pregnant again and does not know who the father is. A choice needs to be desperately made.  I want to take her back but with out the proper space can't make that distance. How come she keeps trying to be my friend and keep that door open? Is it wrong to feel emotionally cold and just want to scream and tell her these are her problems go away? Even though I want to take her back.
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Luvinmike
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« Reply #2 on: May 01, 2009, 03:38:53 PM »

I can appreciate that you are trying to work on this challenging situation, but it is a tough one. I personally believe this very young woman is getting emotionally serious and having sex and children without an awareness of the very long term consequences. Why is the baby with the Mother in law, what about you- people support their children and work, maybe an arrangement can be made to successfully include your very important parenting of this child.

 Sounds like the girlfirend needs to be ALONE- then get paternity test, then stay ALONE for a long time until she matures a big amount. I know I sound harsh, but this is a very young woman and older men can certainly make decisions regarding sex and birth control that may be effective. I hope you will communicate as well with her and her family as you have here in your post regarding your child (children?) so the kids have the support they need. You sound really capable here.
 And I am very sorry for the emotional pain that you went through with this relationship. Let us know how your situation  unfolds, I hope you are able to work these issues out for the best. terri
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Daystars
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« Reply #3 on: May 01, 2009, 05:52:07 PM »

Let me try to answer questions in order.

"Why is the baby with the Mother in law, what about you?"

1) In Nevada I am not entitled to visitation until it is established by a court. Which it has not, and unfortunately I do not have the income to employ a lawyer at this time.  So on the matter of our son. Due to not preparing for this outcome being a possibility. I seem to have left my self and our son in dire straights.

 Unfortunately in regards to her right now my communication is lacking. This break up and the hurtful information keeps coming in waves. Yesterday it was informing me of when everything started. Today it was she was taking my son away from me.  Before that it was just lies and lies and lies. Once he fessed up everything else came out from her. Granted she was angry because he does not want her. But to be blunt Topher is my age he is 30 and he "DEFINITELY" knew what he was doing.

I landed on the forum because I am genuinely at a lack while being emotionally numb at the moment and overly stressed. I genuinely do care about Aadin and Her with my entire heart. I know she needs time alone but I want to know if there is any way I can support her through this. Especially since she asks me to be friend. Though I think that is for security reasons on her part.
« Last Edit: May 01, 2009, 06:24:21 PM by Daystars » Logged
Daystars
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« Reply #4 on: May 02, 2009, 12:32:50 PM »

 So now my son has left and there was nothing that coule be done and huge house feels all alone. Depression is an interesting concept and it is very hard not to just walk over to the bar and order drinks until the pain goes away.  The reality of this situation is no here, my family is gone.
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Luvinmike
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« Reply #5 on: May 02, 2009, 03:31:42 PM »

Day star, I am so sorry. The pain and grief will get better with time and as you resolve these issues- you are a caring person, and you can do this. Be good to yourself during this hard time, remember the things that you are good at and put your energy to that. Keep posting, and we will wish the very best for your little boy right now. Sending you strength. terri
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Daystars
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« Reply #6 on: May 04, 2009, 02:19:16 PM »

 I do apologize for the delay in my response.  I ended up spending the day with some very close friends of mine and finally embraced with open arms a higher power.  For better or worse these things did happen and nothing can change that. All anyone can hope for is a better future and to be loved equally by those they choose to let into their heart. In forgiving her and myself I find that the pain is lessening daily. There are moments when I still do cry with out reason.  The seperation from my son is almost unbearable at time. But so long as I know he is being taken care of and he will be back in the future. Then I can do what I need to do for me.

In regards to Meggie whom I am still very much in love with. She needs to take time to discover who she is and to grow as a person. In all of this and in my pain I lost sight that she lost something much more important than her loved ones. She lost her dignity and self-respect, and while I wish with my entire heart. That I could help her with her trials and tribulations, that is no longer my place. It was her that made the choice to leave me not vice versa.

 A word for everyone who chooses to read this thread. It is a hard thing to do but forgive your self and love your self. Also remember Love even human love and that of not a divine nature. Is freely given and does not expect to be repaid. Wishing the best for those that hurt you and loving them. Can help you heal the wounds that are caused. And the most perfect heart in this world is the one that is built with the love of others and love that is freely given to others.


-Robert
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Luvinmike
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« Reply #7 on: May 19, 2009, 05:04:07 AM »

Dear Robert,
That was a kind post. How are you doing? Are things okay for you these days? It seems it is never a smooth walk but we have to face one obstacle after the next. Your comments about forgiveness are so true and wise. Wish you a peaceful day. Terri
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pondering
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« Reply #8 on: June 02, 2009, 04:46:20 AM »

I know it is so painful to you. I think she fall in love for him. If she force you for leaving her then you can do it because she don't love you more. I know its very difficult. Your child would lonely without her.
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