U r crying out for help and the problem is that this is just a computer, we are people behind the screen but are not able to be there in the flesh for you. Your last post sounded so desperate so my suggestion is that if you feel as badly as you write, you get yourself to a hospital and get admitted for immediate psyciatric help. Life is bleak without our children but we all somehow, survive or there would be no parents left behind to remember our beautiful children. Paula said it well, something doesn't sound right...I too cannot imagine a therapist suggesting suicide, but I can well understand someone hearing something completely different than that which was said. If you have not been taking meds that are perscribed for you then your whole mental state is out of wack. We all are grieving but those with additional mental issues cannot see clearly because of them. We will write to you, we will keep in touch with you, but the bottom line is that we are fingers across keyboards and the real help is with a therapist or in a hospital. If you take my advice, and once meds, etc. are stabilized, you will see everything in a different way.
Please consider other avenues.
Rebecca Jason's Mom