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Author Topic: Sadness due to daughter moving out of state  (Read 19760 times)
NurseMom2009
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« on: February 09, 2009, 06:19:33 PM »

My daughter is 23 and recently married. I was used to her having her own apartment, but now she and her husband (he's in the Air Force) are moving to Texas and I'm in Ohio. It's a 14 -15 hr drive from Ohio! I am having such a hard time accepting that soon she'll be farther away from me then she's ever been. I can hardly talk about it or think about it without crying. He enlisted for 6 years and may even make it a career. All I can think about is how many months will it be before I can actually see my daughter again? What if they have kids and I hardly ever get to see them? I wasn't prepared to feel this overwhelmed with sadness. It's like I'm also grieving for her childhood which is gone. I'm sure I'm being a normal Mom, but the pain feels so much worse then I even anticipated.  It's bothering me so much I can hardly sleep. Thanks for listening. If anyone has suggestions on how you coped, or how long it takes before you get adjusted to their being away I'd like to hear from you. Thanks.
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sevenofwands
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« Reply #1 on: February 10, 2009, 04:17:23 AM »

Hello Nursemom:

I expect your daughter will be missing you too, as she starts out on a new life as a married woman.  She herself will be making many adjustments. No doubt you will both be keeping in touch with each other, and visiting when you can. In the scheme of things it is likely they will have children, and I am sure you, their grandmother, will become an important part of their lives.  Nothing is forever, and life takes many twists and turns.  Your daughter and her family could well move closer to where you are, in the future. 

It is a time of re-adjustment for you too.  I can remember I moved to another country when I was 20, and I am sure my mother and father missed me, and I suppose at the time I did not even think of how much they might be missing me.   

All the best
Seven

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NurseMom2009
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« Reply #2 on: February 11, 2009, 07:42:13 AM »

 Seven, I keep trying to see the bright side of this, and I'm sure I'll eventually adjust. Right now, though it feels bad because we're so close and she's my friend as well as my daughter. It's funny what you said about moving away. I moved to another state for several years in my early twenties when my then husband was in the Army and I know I never really thought about how my parents felt about it! I think until you have kids of your own you just don't realize things like that.  I hope you're right about them moving closer to me in the future, I'll keep my finger crossed on that one! Thanks, Susan
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Luvinmike
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« Reply #3 on: February 12, 2009, 05:49:47 AM »

Dear Susan; I do not know any military info. but maybe there is a link you can make with the military to communicate with other parents feeling so far from their children. This is very hard! It hurts to be so far away. Keep posting here and use technology- email, webcam- to keep very good communication with your daughter. Prayers go out to you as you conitnue with this adjustment. And remember to be so proud of your Son-in-law and daughter for serving. They are heroes to so many. Thinking of you and welcome to this site. Terri
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NurseMom2009
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« Reply #4 on: February 12, 2009, 07:28:37 AM »

Terri, thank you for the prayers! I am hoping to use webcam and cell phone calls to stay connected to my daughter. I never thought about finding other military parents to connect with, thank you for that suggestions. I'll google and see what I can find out. My daughter moves in a week and then for 6 years they'll be moving all around. I feel so sad now I don't know how I'll feel when she's gone and I haven't been able to see her for weeks. I hate change! I never did like it and now I really don't like it. I've been trying to not show my daughter how upset I feel because it upsets her then too. It really helps to write here and get it out some. Thanks for all your responses. Susan
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sevenofwands
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« Reply #5 on: February 12, 2009, 08:27:30 AM »

Hello Susan:

Change is indeed inevitable, and surprisingly, it can be fun!

You might like these:

What can we take on trust
in this uncertain life? Happiness, greatness,
pride - nothing is secure, nothing keeps.
~Euripides, Hecuba


They must often change, who would be constant in happiness or wisdom.  ~Confucius


Change always comes bearing gifts.  ~Price Pritchett

If nothing ever changed, there'd be no butterflies.  ~Author Unknown
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NurseMom2009
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« Reply #6 on: February 14, 2009, 07:57:01 PM »

I guess I'll find out what the butterflies are eventually. But, right now I don't see any of them. I want to spend like every second with her before she leaves (in 3 days now) but of course, she is being a 23 year old and is on the cell with friends and leaving for a going away party. Tomorrow night I have to work, so I have precious little time left before she goes. I hate the way I feel. I know it'll get better eventually, I've lived long enough to know that things do pass and improve. I have 2 boys and they have called me more lately then they did previously and I think they know it's because old Mom is having a hard time letting the baby girl go. So if my boys start calling more and coming over more, that will be one butterfly thing. I'd like it if she learns to appreciate family more, and home more and maybe her hometown won't seem so plain anymore. Those would be butterfly things too. Eventually, I hope that she'll come back home to live or at least live close by. I need to learn to live my own life, I guess, but I've always wanted all my kids close around.  I'll try to keep looking for butterflies.   Susan
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sevenofwands
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« Reply #7 on: February 15, 2009, 05:45:51 AM »

Hello Susan:

Yes, it is a wrench when the young ones fly the nest.  I hope your daughter will be very happy and successful in her new life.  She will have much to do, getting settled into married life. That in itself is a challenge, requiring much adjustment, and no doubt she will have children of her own soon. 
I am sure, Susan, that she appreciates her family and home, but she must now move into the task, or adventure, of setting up her own home with her husband, and it will take her a little time to get her breath so to speak.

This is kind of caterpillar time.....but the butterflies are out there!

All the best
Seven





 

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sj1211
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« Reply #8 on: February 15, 2009, 08:42:09 AM »

Hi Susan, I was in similar 'shoes' nearly three years ago. My daughter married on July 29th and moved 1200 miles from me on July 31st. She had never lived more than two and a half hours driving from me in her entire life. She still lives that  1200 miles away, but with luck she and her husband will be back within three hours driving from me sometime in the late summer this year. I actually managed to get through that move fairly well.  She was going away to a school that she wanted to to obtain her masters degree. I've gone to visit at least once each year, and she's been home at least once each year, it's expensive, but I just put it 'high' on my priority list. I had never flown much, but have learned to manage that too because of my desire to see her.
  I lost my only son (age 16 years) to a motor vehicle accident three months ago yesterday, and now realize that while her move was difficult for both she and I, it's not the 'worse thing that could happen'. However at the time, I was a mixed bag of emotions, happy for her to be accepted to the school she wanted most, and sad for me to not have her close to me. She has always been close in my heart and we comunicate well, so I know she's missed me too. We've just tried very hard to make the best of it, and know in our hearts that someday we'd be close again. I hope that you will also be able to maintain a close relationship with your sweet daughter, in spite of the miles between you. I'll be thinking of you Susan and praying for strength for both you AND your daughter.
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NurseMom2009
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« Reply #9 on: February 16, 2009, 07:19:49 AM »

Seven I agree, this is the caterpillar part, it'll take time to see what butterflies come. Patience has never been my virtue, but I work on it!
Thank you too sj1211 for sharing your story. I'm so sorry to hear about your son. I know that you're right, that in the large scheme of life my daughter being married and moving to be with her husband is certainly not the "worst" as you said. I don't know why I'm the type to always look at the bad side of things instead of the good. I've never flown much either, but I'll be doing much more of it too, I'm sure.  I definitely share that "mixed bag of emotions" as one day I think I'm doing okay with it and the next I'm tearful often thinking about how I'll feel when she's gone. She leave in 3 days now, so it's coming up fast. I know she and I will adjust and it'll work out. She and I both want to make seeing each other and keeping in touch (cell phone, instant messaging etc) a priority. I am happy that she's happy, so I keep that in mind! Thank you all for talking to me about all this. It does make me feel a little less alone!  Susan
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Mom
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« Reply #10 on: April 06, 2009, 07:15:58 PM »

Hello Susan and anyone else that might understand, I was on here looking for something to help me deal with My Daughter that too has lived near me within an hour or so all her life, she is 28 and got married to a man from Texas last Oct 2008, He has lived here about 10 years and his dad got sick and he went to help him, I understand this part and fully expect them to help out, But they too are leaving to stay there lock stock and barrel, I am so painful and sad, I know it is not the worst thing and I try not to let my feelings show in front of My Daughter as I would never want my kids to hurt like this! I do wish her well and would not want to stand in the way of any experiences for her, I just dont know how to make myself feel better, she is leaving at the end of May. She too is not only my Daighter but best friend, I feel so sad and feel like there is a huge heavy weight on my shoulders pushing me down, I read your psot on Your Daughter leaving to Texas and also being from Ohio, I wondered with a few months passed now , How are you and what did you do to help get through this? I too like always want my kids near me, I have a son and Grandson near me and am Grateful for that to be sure. Please let me know what I can do to help myself and not let me Daughter feel bad about leaving, Thanks and Hope your well Cathy
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lizzie1961
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« Reply #11 on: October 16, 2009, 07:29:04 AM »

Dear Nursemom

Your story sure matches mine, and I feel exactly the same way. My daughter had moved out on her own but she was living in the same city so we could plan outings with time together. This summer she moved to another province, I feel as if my heart has been ripped out of my chest. Its hard to talk about, I was shocked when I realized how it made me feel and I didn't know how to handle it but I keep in touch and pray that I will stay well and live for the visits that we will have together.
thats about all you can do.  take care.
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Linda527
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« Reply #12 on: October 29, 2009, 01:19:12 PM »

My daughter who is by far the best friend I have ever had is too moving away this coming December.  Her new husband is in the Air Force and she will be moving 5 hours away for her first time ever.  Even though she will be a Nurse and he is a pilot and they will have a great life I am just devasted over her leaving.  She has never been away from me for any extended time.  I went to visit where she will be joining her husband last weekend and the reality of what is coming in December hit me hard.  I have cried everyday since then.  She knows I support her but she also knows how upset I am.  I have two other children, two grandchildren and a grandchild on the way.  She is still the closet to me.  My husband is only a step father and even though she is like a daughter to him he doesn't feel the same sadness that I am feeling.  Some people have said to me "Just get over it".  Sure they have children that live away from them but they are within driving distance and always will be.  I on the other hand could end up not financially being able to see my daughter for long periods of time and like I said she means the world to me.  I hope all will pray for military families!
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Sad4mom
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« Reply #13 on: November 24, 2009, 12:22:54 PM »

Hi Nursemom,

I am Sad4 mom who posted my problem yesterday (11/23).  My mother is also having a very hard time dealing with the fact that my sister moved away. Might you have time for a new friend, perhaps? Maybe you and my mom could correspond and help to support each other, since you are both dealing with a similar issue. What do you think??
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