Christopher - 5 years (sensitive)

[Karen Paul]

Today is 5yrs since that terrible night. When Amy found Chris on the side of the road less than 1/10 mile from home. Struck by a hit and run driver, with no thoughts for Chris, but only himself. Flashes of memory hit me like bricks.. Brian calling me from the hospital.. the rush to get there, praying the whole way... so many sad memories of that night flood my brain. The terrible pronouncement by the doctor, severe brain stem injuries, not much hope.. what do you mean?! He's only 16! NOOOO!

Tomorrow is Chris' 5th angel date. And though things have "softened" over time.. the memories do not go away and on days like this, they are very fresh. I have not had many words lately.. been at a loss.. but try to describe my feelings at this time.

Why is my nephew not here? Why is he not turning 22 on Dec. 1? Because of the selfish actions of one man, who gets to spend his holidays with his family again this year and all years after. I'm more angry than sad this year, or maybe it is a true mixture. I'm rambling now.. so I'm going to stop and just share my thoughts with all of you, who have been like family to me the past 4 yrs.


5 YEARS.

What does it feel like?
5 years without you.

Silence has taken up residence
Where your laughter used to be

And though I try to see you
Grown and mature at almost 22
Yet you remain ever 16 (almost 17)
In my mind’s eye

This is the loss,
Both greater and deeper
Than any words
Can convey

5 years.

Photos remain unchanged
Upon our mantle
Year upon year

And the silence continues.

Your blue eyes and quick smile
Remain in my mind
Ready at a moment’s notice

But the voice I used to hear has faded
Oh how I miss it.

We gather on special days
To talk to you and remember you
All your family, but we separate.

And the silence continues.

We take comfort in signs
That come our way
Your breaking of the silence
On some special days

Butterflies and Dragonflies
And warm feelings of love
Come unexpectedly
From high above

At this 5 year mark
As we struggle through
Signs are so needed
From sweet, special you

You held all our hopes
And dreams
You were our future
And still are, it seems

So we think of you today
And feel you near
Living on deep in our hearts
You are always here


Thinking of you, Chris, on your 5th angel date
November 12, 2008
Luv, aunt Karen


 

[Brenda Taylors Mom]

((( Karen)))) It is so hard to imagine it's been 5 years since Chris has been gone.. I know he was the center of your family's world,, and it shows on his face, he was a happy content boy.. Thank you Karen over these years for letting us get to know Chris, and I feel like I do through you.. You and your family and especially Chris are in my heart on these so very very sad days..  Love, Brenda
What you wrote is so beautiful for Christopher....

[Kathy]

Dear Karen,

It is hard to believe that I've read about Chris for four years now, since I first came to this board.His memory is kept alive by your post. You are a very special aunt. I am holding you and your family close to my heart tonight and tomorrow.

Love,
Kathy, Don's Mom

[MelissaCharliesMom]

Thinking of your family and your precious Chris during these oh so very hard days. Know I am sending every ounce of strength I can muster and am keeping you close in thought. So sorry this is the way things have to be. Sending strength and peace.

[Jeanneb]

(((((((KAREN)))))))

My heart hurts for you and your family.  I know you shake your head just as I do... how the hell can it possibly be 5 years?  So much time seems to have passed yet it seems like yesterday.

I can understand your anger towards this man but don't give him your power he doesn't deserve any of your precious energy.  You are one special woman and just looking at Christopher's pictures the love he was filled with from his family shines through.

May you find a peaceful day and a beautiful sign from your special Christopher.

Keeping you, your brother, Amy and the family in my thoughts and prayers.

Love,
Jeanne
Philip's mom forever

[tsoley]

I am so sorry. I will be thinking of you, Chris, and your family. Please know that I care....

[Gill]

Karen,

Your words moved me to tears they are so sad and a beautiful tribute to your Chris.   We just went through our five year anniversary of Joanne's death in September and your words express my feelings exactly.

Thinking of you and your family and sharing the pain and loss.
-Gill

[WendyRN]

Beautiful, hauntingly sad words that echo your heart.  I will remember them.  And the wonder of the time your family had Chris in their lives.  I'm so sorry for your family's loss.  The hopes, the dreams.  Now a million tears.  I'm just so sorry.

Wendy, Keith's mom

[JenKellisMom]

Karen,

You provide so much support for everyone here, I hope by remembering Chris and keeping him in all of our hearts we can somehow return the favor.

Chris is a beautiful soul and I hope you felt his presence when remembering him on this saddest of days.

Blessings to you and your family.

[Terry]

I'm so very sorry Karen for your great pain and I'm so very sorry that you're having to live without Chris. And I can only imagine how difficult it is for you knowing the one who robbed you of Chris is allowed to live his life while Chris is not. This is not fair!!! Our 'injustice system' is something many of us have had to deal with, live through and will continue to, due to their inability to produce justice.

"The Sounds of Silence". (They can be deafening.) How beautifully expressed, Karen. Thanks for sharing it.
I imagine you write often. Just curious....do you have a collection of poetry since your precious Chris has left us?

Sending you a big hug (((((((((Karen))))))))) and holding you close in my thoughts.

Love,
Terry

[Karen Paul]

Thank you all so so much for all your words and kind thoughts.. you all mean so much to me and to give me this place to come and always be able to share Chris and my remembrances of him is so precious to me. And to have you share all of your children is a gift..

Terry - you are so kind about my writing. I do (and other family) have poems we've written over the years on Chris' memorial website under "writings" - http://home.nycap.rr.com/chrismemory.. it has been an outlet for me over the years to write when i feel I need to express something about Chris. They are no masterpieces of poetry, but they offer me a way to express myself..

Sending you all the biggest hugs and sincere thanks for your friendship and love.. that radiates through this site.

luv Karen
Chris' aunt

[Dena]

((((Karen & Christopher))))))

I have been  thinking of you & Chris. It is hard to believe that it has been 5 years, but I know just how hard each of them are.

Thank you for sharing Chris's Memorial Website with us.

Love,
Dena, Josh's Mom

[LaVonne]

I have not had a computer for awhile. My husband had some faster internet service put on and messed it up so I could not get on line at all.
 I have been thinking of Chris and will hold your family in my thoughts and prayers and close to my heart. Sending hugs. Jason will be gone 10yrs sat and would be 37yrs old. It is sure hard to imagine.  Hope Chris sends a sign and God Bless.  Lavonne

[Wadesmom]

Karen,

My thoughts are with you and Chris.

Holding you close to my heart
hugs,

Wadesmom

[MARTHA(CANDI'S AUNT)]

karen,
  it doesn't seem like CHRISTOPHER has been gone 5 yrs.
CANDI  has been gone 3 1/2 & that doesn't seem possible either. i haven't been on here in a while. i posted a long post just a few min. ago explaing.
the pic. at the bottom is my grand-daughter karlie at 7 mo.

she's 8 mo. now. learning something new each day. when i have her she keeps my mind very busy. although when i cry now & she see's me karlie laugh's & smile's at me.
then i smile & laugh back. it's like she's saying"what's wrong "nannie".. it's so strange.

martha