Welcome to our board. I am so sorry for your pain and the loss of your father.
Isnt it wonderful to have the unconditional love of your parents? Gods love is like that too. The hardest part is forgiving ourselves for our wrongs, even though everyone else around us has fogiven us long ago. Staying stuck in the guilt will only keep you stuck in your pain. Please let it go so that you can move forward. Someone wise once said that if we've learned from our mistakes, then they really arent mistakes at all. The best lessons in life are learned through mistakes and hard times, unfortunately.
I noticed that you have locked your post so that no one can answer it. Did you do that on purpose?? Only the moderators are able to answer you, so maybe this is why you have not receieved any responses. Please post again on the MAIN board and see what happens. Be careful not to block anyone from answering you.
Welcome to our board. I hope you find comfort here.