I want you all to know that I wish you peace and love and everything good to come your way in 2009. i just read "John's" post on Depression and the New Year and ways to cope and I couldn't even respond. Thank you though John for caring so much to post this.
I can't bear all of the phone calls tonight wishing me Happy New Year. I hate this time of the year and I just can't stop crying. I just want it to be over. The lights, the music, the hurtful comments.....everything, just gone!!!! JUUST GO!!!!
Why, oh why?
Every time I feel my heart has healed a little more, just a little more, these Holidays with all my kids birthdays and Jeff's 6 year coming up and all of these days before, all of this remembering. I'm so tired of remembering. So tired of the hurt. The missing. And I miss my Mother so much and what I wouldn't give to be able to crawl up in her lap right now and fel her arms around me.
There's no one here, well, my Dad, but he's really not here. He doesn't even REMEMBER MY chilkdren??!!
i'm sorry for all this. I just need to write this down and know, really know, that someone is listening.
I'm going to bed soon, sleep, my only rescue.,sleep. love