I lost my sister on April 2nd, so obviously still very new to the grief. I have a close friend who sent me this passage just last week:
Everyone can master grief but he that has it. William Shakespeare
We are usually our own best judge of what we need to be doing as grievers. To be sure, we could often use a nudge from friends-if we're being too reclusive, for instance. Or maybe we need professional counsel, if we know we're just not doing well.
But we don't need to take seriously the comments of probably well-meaning but ignorant folk who imply that we are being indulgent or weak in not "getting over it by now"- whether "now" is six months or six years after the loss has occurred. Every grief has its own timetable, which only the griever knows. And usually the journey through grief is slow and often delayed.
Someone once said it takes seven years to adjust to the lsos of someone close. So there's no need to apologize if after many months we are still finding grief a major pre-occupation. And there is nothing to be ashamed of if a particularly poignant moment reduces us to tears a very long time after our loved one has died.
I don't know if that helps you, but I found some solace in it. I also am so sorry for your loss, I too was very close to my sister and I still think about calling and writing her.