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Author Topic: She says she needs time to find herself and that she still loves and wants me  (Read 15362 times)
eric
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« on: June 17, 2008, 11:13:03 AM »

 I hope that you can help me. I am divorced and have been for 2 years. I am dating a woman with 3 children and she is recently divorced we starting dating just before the divorce was final. She had a tough marriage there was abuse. Her and her husband actually brought up the idea of a threesome with another woman and to make a long story short it didn't happen but she ended up in a relationship with the woman for 1 year. That ended 9 months ago and she tried to make it work with the marriage with no luck. Since she left her husband and he moved out she has been with two other men for a total of 6 in her life. One of them lasted only 10 days and it was a sexual relationship but he chose to go back with another GF that he was having problems with. My GF and him are still very close friends and do things often. There have been a couple of arguments in regards to the time spent with this guy alone or out having drinks and she states that they are only good friends nothing more and I believe her. Recently she told me that she needed some time to find herself with everything going on with the divorce the bi sexual exp and our relationship she has not had time to be free and she says she loves me and wants me with her but needs to figure some things out and that she will return. I told her I would be okay with her taking time to get things right in her mind and she says that there is noone else. I love this woman with all my heart and I am not sure what to do. Please give me your advice or your opinion.  Please help!
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Autumn Leaves
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« Reply #1 on: June 17, 2008, 11:40:23 AM »

I think this woman has a LOT of stuff going on in her life and she needs to resolve some issues before the two of you can have a chance at a life together. The only thing I can say is to let her have the time she needs to get things straight but be there as her friend.
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RJ
laurenE
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« Reply #2 on: June 17, 2008, 06:21:11 PM »

You can't have a committed, solid healthy relationship when there are old bf,  old gf, and the desire for a 3some going on.     Do not waste your time waiting on a women who can not decide which of these things she wants.   She will always doubt and wonder,  and so will you.     You deserve to be in a healthy relationship where you know for sure that she loves you and only you.  Do not settle for anything less than this.   If you do,  you will be settling for a lifetime of pain, doubt  and betrayal.

Broken hearts are painful.  We all have experienced them in our lives and have moved on.   You need to as well.    The pain you go thru now,  will bring you peace in the long run, when you make healthier choices.    Its worth it.  You'll see
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Irene
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« Reply #3 on: June 18, 2008, 11:38:15 AM »

Hi Eric,
   Your girlfriend sounds confused right now. I think that she is on the right path, wanting to take some time to have freedom, and decide what she wants.  It shows that you care about her, to give her this time now.
  I don't know that it would be fair for you to wait around till she comes back. She may
love you, but she needs to take the time to find herself right now, and that may or may not include meeting/dating others.
  That old phrase, if you love someone then set it free, applies. I hope that you will be open to dating others too. I agree with the others who have written. Ending relationships can be extremely painful, but to continue in this one right now, would be only leading to more pain.
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Sarah49
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« Reply #4 on: June 21, 2008, 07:31:14 PM »

I am sorry you are in this situation, but for your own well being - RUN!  This is your opportunity to get out of a relationship that is not healthy for you and in the long run will only cause you more pain.  Figure out what you are looking for in a relationship and settle for nothing less than you deserve.  This may seem painful at the moment, but it sounds like a golden opportunity to escape something that will only cause you pain.  I wish you health, happiness and someone to stand by your side for all of life's seasons. 
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Barb fletcher
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« Reply #5 on: August 16, 2008, 12:38:57 AM »

I am getting over a broken heart and it is one of the hardest things I have ever done. The pain is so hurtful and I am a older woman , have been through the death of a husband so I do know grieving and this pain is just as severe. Like the others have told you this girlfriend has too much baggage so best to move on ,just as it is with me. Shall be difficult but take one step at a time and you shall be better off for it-------caring ------barbwire
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jes_a_bee06
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« Reply #6 on: August 16, 2008, 12:31:15 PM »

Eric,
Wow this is a hard situation to deal with... It sounds like she has what I like to call a lot of "baggage" and I am glad she told you she needs to sort it out... I think its important to get it sorted, I know its not easy but maybe you should take the time to see how you really feel about the situation, this isn't an easy thing to deal with... I see this was posted awhile ago... let us know how its going....
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