Hi, everybody. I guess this is as good a place as any to introduce myself. I lost my brother in 1995 when he was 22 and I was 27. He was active duty in the Army and was killed in an auto accident on his way home. It was a very busy time. I was in my last semester of college, just starting a new job, then I got married, and a lot of other stuff. I was just beginning to deal with the hurt from that when my dad was killed in a very similar accident in 2000 when he was 57. They were both young, healthy, and completely innocent. It's just something that happened. It felt like a knife being plunged into the old wound. After that, I basically shut down a part of my heart. I remember it happening. It was all just too much.
What brought me here was researching what I thought was a mid-life crisis...and probably was one. I've been feeling empty for at least a year. I've made decisions that were out of character and that could be destructive to everything in my life. I felt lost. I questioned everything: job, marriage, family...and came very close to throwing my whole life away like so many do. I knew all along the problem was me. I just didn't know what it was. Then I realized the real problem.
I never grieved my brother or my dad properly!
My wife was there for both deaths. We were dating when my brother died and married when my dad did. She's been my rock for the last twenty years. I was so confused and empty feeling for the last few months that I nearly thought we'd end up divorced. Now I think I know what the real problem is, and I'm ready to start dealing with it. She agrees with me, too. I'm very glad I found this group, and I'll be reading to learn from your experiences. I'm ready to start healing the hole inside of me. Thank you for giving me a place.
Edit: I just noticed something. I was adding my brother's dates to the other thread about birthdays and angel dates. I can't remember the date he died. I notice most people know it exactly, but I never really notice that date. My mom makes a big deal about angel dates, but I never notice them. She calls every year to ask if I'm all right. I always think,"I was until you called and reminded me what day it is." I don't really pay attention to that date. I'm pretty sure it was July 8 with my brother, though. Just something odd I noticed. Most people know. I'm not sure if I do. I remember birthdays.