Well I didn't think I'd ever make it to today if you would've asked me a year ago!
Today at 11:00 is when I received the horrible phone call from a witness to my parents motorcycle accident! I was getting ready to go outside & play w/the kids when the phone rang. I didn't know the name on the caller ID but I answered anyways & she said "Is Kelly there"? I said "this is" & she said "You need to sit down, honey; your parents have been in a motorcycle accident". I can hear it so clearly---like it was yesterday! This witness (I think she was an angel) called me at least 3 times telling me what was going on w/my parents. At first she thought the other couple in the accident was my parents & they were fine just going to a local hospital.
The next call is "oh honey I'm so sorry; your parents are injured and being life flighted". My life shattered! I arranged a sitter for my kids & got a hold of my sister in law & husband & we went to the hospital an 1hr away. I got there about 1:15. They said "your parents are fine; they're lucky". They were getting them into their rooms in ICU & I was escorted up by pastoral care.
The first room was my dad's. He was in a neck brace & nurses were all around his bed but I could hear him talking! Whew I thought he's ok. They told me to go see my mom first; they were done w/her & she was resting! My poor mom! I thought she was more serious than my dad at the time. She was out of it. Her face cut up, her head shaved on 1 side w/a huge C shaped cut full of staples! After visiting her a couple minutes, they said I could go see my dad. He was AWAKE, ALERT & ORIENTED!!! I held his hand. We talked. He told me what happened & he asked how mom was. At the time I didn't want to tell him how badly she was hurt. I was relieved that they were ok! The day was a mess for me. I was 36 years old, the baby of the family, already lost a brother (but he died instantly) to a motorcycle accident & I had to take all this responsibility of caring for my parents. I was a physical, emotional wreck!!!! I ran back & forth from room to room all day not knowing who to be with!
I made several phone calls all day getting ahold of friends & family, all of my dad's biker friends, his work, mom's work......Then about 6:00 surgeons tell me dad needs immediate surgery on his broken legs; dad kept telling me the bandages are on too tight (here it was his leg swelling from an arterial cut in the broken leg) but I said they were going to fix it for him. I had to watch him sign his name for surgery consent as a witness----needless to say I didn't think this would be the last time I'd ever see him awake!
I walked beside him to surgery, kissed him & said "I love you Dad" & he said "I love you too". The nurse said "Oh this is harder on your family than it is for you, you're just going to take a nice nap"----what a nap! He never woke up again to talk. I sat & waited with my parents friends who came to sit w/me & my husband.
It was 11:00 at night & he was out of surgery & getting ready to go to radiology to see how blood flow was since surgery! I kissed him good-bye (he was on a respiratory now) & they said go home we'll call you if anything comes up.
Last night as I was laying in bed, I could see visions of his face laying on that stretcher going to surgery! He was scared! He didn't say it but I now can see it. I should've hugged him harder but I didn't want to hurt him. I should've talked to him more. The next day after surgery he was going to be put in a medical coma for pain per the hospital, I remember saying I'm going to see mom dad & he pushed my hand away! This causes me so much pain. I should've stayed by his side. But I had no reason to believe he was going to die!!
I was in denial the whole 18 days of this traumatic journey! Why should I think he was going to die? No one said he was so critical! He was alert & oriented; he was fine! There were many moments of ups & downs for 18 days. We stayed at a place right next to the hospital so we didn't have to drive back & forth. We were zombies. We'd walk over during visiting hours, stay & talk; we'd go eat; we'd go to our room; we'd go back for visit etc......For 18 days I believed he was coming out of this, I held his hand EVERY day & talked to him about everything. I wanted to be there when he woke up! The nurses told me to write a journal so he could read it when he woke up---I started one but when he died, I threw it away!
So now it has been 1 year. I miss him dearly. My faith is questionable in this whole ordeal I admit. There were so many prayers for my dad, & they weren't answered! Why? It's so not fair. To this day, I have so many unanswered questions, why?, how?, but I have to let it go! I'm angry & I pray to get over this! I want my mom, my sister & me to move on but it's hard.
Well today I have to go to my son's baseball vs. parents end of season game so I will try to put on a happy face and hide the pain in my gut. I know that last year around this time my dad was here physically watching this game so I'll do it for him. He has to be watching from Heaven.
I've got to get through this day!