None of you have ever heard from me before, as I have never posted here. I am familiar with this board, though. I am Chadís father and Deb Hís husband. This morning we were talking about guidelines for the board Ö I believe there was a request for input.
As I mentioned, I am quite familiar with this board, as Deb and I often talk about it and the people with whom she converses, and I feel I even know some of you through her. I know the board has been a source of comfort for her over the years, but I also know it has at times been a source frustration, and sometimes, hurt and anger. And it seems to me that a forum designed for the specific purpose of offering and giving some measure of comfort and understanding to people who have suffered the loss of someone very dear to us should never be the source of frustration, hurt, or other negative feelings. So I asked her if she minded if I say my piece Ö so for what itís worth, here you go.
Itís a difficult thing to do Ö trying to bring a group of people together for the purpose of providing comfort and understanding when the very people who seek and provide that comfort here are so different. We all share the one thing we wish we did not share Ö having lost a precious person in our lives. It is the one thing (and probably the only thing in most cases) that we do have in common. Death touches everyone. It has no prejudice and no favoritism. Black or white, rich or poor, old or young Ö it doesnít matter. We all feel the pain of the same kind of loss. But beyond that, we are all different. We each have our own feelings, beliefs, opinions, and ideas. The differences can go very deep when we consider spiritual differences and views on what is moral and what is not. Yet, each of us has a right to the feelings and ideas and beliefs that make us who we are. None are right and none are wrong. And we DO have the right to share and express them without reprisal or criticism. However, we DO NOT have the right to impose our views, beliefs, etc. onto anyone else.
It seems to me that if we keep the very purpose for this board at the forefront of our minds and hearts whenever we come here, the rest should fall into place quite easily. If we take ownership of our own feelings, beliefs, etc. and allow everyone else to do the same, we can be a loving help to each other while not allowing our differences to get in the way. If we think carefully about what it is we want to share, and choose our words carefully, we can each freely express ourselves while being sensitive to the differences between us. I have always felt that many times, how we say something is just as important (maybe even more important) as what we say.
So, thatís my two cents Ö plain and simple. Nothing magical. Itís known by some as the ĎGolden Ruleí Ö treat others as you want to be treated yourself.
I hope each of you enjoys the holidays coming up and that you can share them with family and friends. I know these times can also be difficult Ö because itís at these times we usually miss them the most Ö the ones who arenít here. Still, maybe thatís how it is supposed to be. We have to feel pain to know what itís like to not have pain. We have to experience sadness in order to know the joy of happiness. I guess itís how we know that we love, and are loved in return.
This is Debh now and I would like to thank my hubby for joining us today and I at this time have nothing to add, he sums up very nicely how I feel.
I will take time to think through words that are painful to me and post more later, Racial remarks, alcohol and drugs I am sensitive with, blood curdling and hang are painful words both pertaining to the deaths of my boys.
Special thanks to Tom and Dena again for doing all they do for us at this board.
Hope your holidays are peaceful and you feel the love of your children, family and friends close to you.
Love to our children and loved ones who are not with us today and forever missed.