Recent Posts

Long days at work, I don't always get a chance to read here.

Happy birthday to your sweet son, Jason.  Rebecca, I hope you were able to dwell on beautiful memories of his smile, the smell of him as you hugged his shoulders, little jokes just you and he shared.  These will never leave you.

Wendy, Keith's mom

Happy birthday wishes to Chad.  Happy memories of your son to you, Debh.

Wendy, Keith's mom

Sean,

Thanks for the reply. It is comforting to know that there are others out there that can relate to the types of feelings I have and the emotional turmoil that I experience daily. Hope all is well with you ( or at least as good as it can be). Dont know about you, but I am dreading the holidays that are coming,

Bradley 

Hi Debra,

I'm so sorry for the loss of your precious Mom. So recent, too. Heartbreaking.

I came across your post, also while reading one of Lillian's responses. Please start a "New Topic" and introduce yourself so others can get to know you and your mom and offer you the support you will need.

Welcome to Webhealing where you will find a lot of love and support from others who have also lost someone so dear to them, and some like yourself, so very recent.

This board has been a life line for me as was journaling and I hope you will find the same love, comfort and understanding that I have over the years.

Take care of yourself, eating well and drinking plenty of fluids. Our bodies talk back to us when our hearts have been battered by a trauma. Stress can and does play havoc with our fragile selves at this early time in our grief. And, more than anything, know you are not alone. We are here to listen and we care, very much.

come back and tell us more about your Momma as you are able. Someone is always here to listen.

(((((((((((((((((Debra))))))))))))))))

My love,
Terry

Hi sadiemae,

I'm so sorry for the recent death of your precious Mom and I'm glad you found us here. Welcome to Webhealing! I can relate as I too, lost my Momma when she was 48. I was 27 and she was my best friend. My everything. I understand.

I felt very alone without her. Knowing I would have to go through life without my confidant, my greatest support.

Crying is healthy. You are in pain and your heart is broken in two right now. Do whatever you need to do for you and please take good care of yourself. Grief zaps us and can weaken our immune systems. So, try and get sleep and if you can't sleep, try to rest when you are able. Drink plenty of fluids and eat balanced meals. Snacking was what I found easier to do in the beginning of every loss as a big meal was out of the question.

That 'numb' feeling is shock and it's Ok. It protects us in the beginning from feeling the pain and the flood of emotions that come when the realization hits that they are really gone.

Our minds may understand it but our hearts have a hard time catching up.

I'm sorry, too regarding the stress that is on you atop trying to deal with your Mom's death, from your siblings. But, you're right. You know what is important and it sounds like your focus is in the right place.

When you find the time, start a "New Topic" so that others will know who you are and who you lost. I came across your post while reading one of Lillian's responses. This way others can support you!

Come back as you are able and tell us more about your precious Mom and how 'you' are doing.

Again, I am so deeply sorry for your great loss and know we are here for you.

((((((((((((((((sadiemae)))))))))))))))))

My love,
Terry

Jennifer,

It was 8yrs ago last month that I was writing these very same words.   I was 35 when my mother died suddenly.   My father died when I was 12 so mom and little sister and I were it.  Then due to circumstances beyond my control ( due to a perverted family member) I was disowned from the entire family, including sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.

 So when mom died,   at age 59,  I had no one to grieve with or  ask childhood questions to,  or laugh about mom's silly southern ways with.   In fact I didnt have and still dont have anyone in my life who knew my mother.    I remember feeling so alone in this world and remember the day I said "I belong to no one",  meaning I had no parents and no one in my biological family to call my own.    The holidays were horribly painful as my heart and mind went back to childhood memories,  and I had no one to remember them with.  My husband is a wonderful man,  but I just wanted  and needed  my biological family who was a part of my mom.  

It is 8 yrs later and I can honestly say that I have healed from my grief and loss.  I think it took me longer due to the fact that I had no family to grieve with.   I remember finally getting over the major hurdle of grief after I passed the 2yr anniversary of her death but that certainly was not the stopping point of my grief and healing.

My faith helped me survive and move forward in my healing.  My husband was supportive and kept life going even when all I could do is come home from work and crash.    And this place.  This place gave me the freedom to write out my feelings,  sobbing out my pain as I typed those painful words.  No one judged me and No one told me to get over it,  like so many tend to do in our real life.   I could come here and pour out my heart, day and night... when I couldnt sleep.  or when I was at work and couldnt concentrate.  This place and the people that were here for me at the time,  were God sends (thank you ceegee and Irene!).   Grief counseling also helped give me a safe place to pour out my hurts,  questions, anger,  and confusion.

I also found comfort in the books  "Motherless Daughters"  and "Remembering Mother, finding myself".     And in music.   The song  by Mercy Me brought tremendous comfort to me at the time .  It is called  "Homesick"  and I will include the lyrics at the end of this post.

You are not alone in this journey.  I am so sorry you lost your momma.  I always said losing mom made me feel like such a child.  I used to sob "I want my momma" like a 2yr old cries for his/her mom.  And here I was 35!  I hated that feeling of feeling so childish,  but there is a tremendous connection that is severed when a daughter looses her mom.  I never thought it would be true for me,  but it sure fooled me and kicked my butt!

Keep coming here and writing out your feelings.  You too will get through this...day by day... sometimes hour by hour.... and then holiday by holiday.  

Sisterly hug,
lauren

Homesick
by MercyMe

You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times
And at least a thousand times I've rejoiced for you
But the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry
Is how long must I wait to be with you

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

Help me Lord cause I don't understand your ways
The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know
But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same
Cause I'm still here so far away from home

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

In Christ, there are no goodbye
And in Christ, there is no end
So I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have
To see you again
To see you again

And I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

I've never been more homesick than now

Hello! This is my first time talking/writing about my mom passing on 5-30-10. I'm so sorry about your mom. It hurts so deeply words can not express. Sounds like you and your mom were close. Mine was my best friend. I thought I was the only one that felt scared since my mom. But that's how I feel. Scared and alone. I can not have children, I took care of my mom and now I feel like I have nothing left.

My brothers are stealing all of her valueables, CD's, household items and checking. I didn't imagine this would happen neither did my mom. So I've lost her and now both brothers. I have very little of my mom's items because to me, that is not what it is all about. But for them to treat me like this (don't want to bother you with it all) is unbelievable.

Anyway, main thing is mom. I cry as deeply today as I did 5-30-10. Will it every stop?  My heart is totally broken into pieces. I feel like a zombie...numb.  Well, thanks for listening.

Will there be a new tomorrow without tears or deep pain?

Hi Jennifer,

I'm sorry to hear you're struggling so but can certainly understand it. I don't believe in the "stages" of grief because we bounce around so much, according to our other life stressors at any given time and also the reason for the very painful, delayed grief. As Pam shared and I agree, we are all unique in how we grieve. Our stories may be similar but our journey while grieving, never is. Denial can push through at any time..."Did this really happen?" Suppressing these emotions can cause unimaginable pain. We all have our own way of coping with a painful loss. You are doing what 'you' need to do for you and that's why it is 'right.' It takes a lot of courage dealing with any unresolved issue and this is a good thing!

There are times when we can feel as if we are right back at the beginning and this is usually around any date marking their memory.

As Scott shared, "While friends and family do the best that they can, it is here that you will find people who can really 'relate'."

And, this is so important as we can feel alone in our grief because our world comes to an abrupt halt while others continue as usual. I found this board, coming here talking about all of my feelings to be life saving.

Dealing with the unresolved issues with your Mom is also very difficult but important if we're ever going to continue to move forward.

Feeling the loneliness that you do at this time due to remaining family being so distant and feeling alone, simply and as you shared because you are devoid of having someone relate to your feelings, is another form of grief. Adding a heavier burden than you were already carrying around.

Please know you are not alone. We are here for you whenever you feel the need to share about anything. And, the reason we also find other resources to fill the time that was occupied by those who are no longer here with us. The routine we have with anyone while alive can cause us to feel alienated and unsure of ourselves when losing it. Any routine you can begin, at this point would be very healthy/grounding. Small steps. Just a little change once a week to alter your schedule may be very helpful for you and give you something to look forward to, also.

Take good care of 'you', Jennifer and know we are here whenever you need to share. Tell us more about your Mom as you are able to.

((((((((((((((Jennifer)))))))))))))

You have my love and understanding,
Terry

I need an update, please!!!!

Stop by, my friend!

Love, Terry

It's been awhile seen I've heard from you and would like to know how you are doing. When you find the time, please let me know.

Always thinking of you.

Love,
Terry