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Main / Re: Surviving Grief During the Holiday Season
« Last post by Tammy on July 12, 2018, 07:23:48 PM »
Our son died a few days before Memorial Day and on our 36th Wedding Anniversary we spent the day making funeral arrangements. The last time I saw him was Mother's Day. My birthday and his is approaching. So, I guess and hope with all this I'll get through the other holidays. I still keep hoping to wake up from this nightmare, but the reality is he is gone. He suffered anxiety and depression and had a bad heart. I miss him terribly, but have to be strong and go on for I am now raising his daughter. Taking it minute by minute. I worked for years in mental health and think that my training has helped me to deal with this horrible tragedy. I have accepted it and am doing my best to move forward. I don't think a parent ever heals from this type of loss, but we have to keep going for those left behind with us. I don't wish this pain on anyone. There is a piece of artwork called melancholy by an artist in Switzerland that depicts exactly how I feel and from reading what others have written that have lost a child they feel it is exactly how they feel as well. Thank you all for sharing your stories and I hope you all are doing well and can find some sort of peace and begin to move forward. Our loved one may be gone from this earth, but they live on in our hearts and memories.
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Child Loss / Re: Where is everyone from?
« Last post by crzyp1080 on July 11, 2018, 04:45:11 PM »
I'm from Springdale, AR.
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Spouse, Partner Loss / Writing a journal
« Last post by jmorm53 on July 09, 2018, 05:59:29 PM »
My wife of 43 yrs. passed May 29th of ovarian cancer. She fought hard for 2 yrs. 2 operations and a couple of rounds of chemo. One morning, 3 weeks before she passed as I was leaving for work, she asked me to stay home with her. I called my employer that morning and arranged a leave of absence. I stayed with her until she passed, I am so glad that I was able to spent that time with her til the end.
I have never hurt or cried this much in my life. I wake up in the morning thinking of her , I think of her all day, go to bed at night with her on my mind. I still can't believe that she's not there when I wake up in the morning, and she won't be there when I get home from work. 
It was 3 more weeks after she left that I went back to work.
I miss sitting holding her hand and talking about our day, so I started writing to her most every night before bed, just a page about the days events.
My life just doesn't have a lot of meaning anymore. I've read a couple of grief books, and they say most of these feelings are normal at this stage, nothing seems normal anymore, They say these feeling will lessen in time, that the pain will subside, that seems unrealistic right now.
For now I will keep writing to her in my journal and try to keep my sanity.
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Main / Re: Where is everyone from?
« Last post by JustMark on July 07, 2018, 02:01:55 PM »
HI Jmorm53, welcome to webhealing, I'm sorry for your loss. A lot of what you are experiencing and going through sounds a lot like what I went through with the loss of my wife Gina last year. I also tried to keep myself busy and it seemed no matter how much I kept myself busy she was always on my mind. Even though she was always on my mind keeping myself busy helped as working around the house like when I was planting the vegetable garden last year I would get glimpses and pause and experience a happy memory of previous years. Every year about the same time I would be doing my usual vegetable gardening and she would be doing her flower gardening. While turning the soil last year I would look over at her favorite rose bush and stop for a few minutes and remember her trimming it. Then moment later go back to dwelling on my loss. I know it's rough now Jmorm but it will change. For me last year that constant feeling of loss subsided and I found I had far more happy memories with Gina then I originally thought. Now I still have Gina on my mind quite a bit everyday I hardly ever have that feeling of loss any more, but has become more of a thankfulness that she was a big part of my life because of all the happy memories and things I learned from Gina. Don't get me wrong but I still do have moments of sadness but now they are not quite so intensive and over whelming like they were last year. Gina didn't have ovarian cancer but she did have other major medical issues in which I had to help take care of her, for her last two years. I can always tell you about that later on, if you ever want to know. Also last year I didn't read any grief books. Some people said they are helpful and recommended one or two but I looked at the library of books I have and Gina's library of all sorts of subjects the last thing I need is more books to read. Anyway I hoped some of this helped as I have to go for now. I'm going to bath the dogs this afternoon. Once again welcome to web healing. Don't be afraid to post anything you may need advice on or help with There are others that come on here that I have found helpful with my posts. Also don't be afraid to respond to others posts if you think sharing things you are going through or things that help you cope or deal with grief can help in the postings of others as well. Also if you wanted to speak to me or anyone else specifically you can click on their name and send them a private messages but for me I only messaged 2 or 3 people I knew were active. Most of my postings have been in the forum because I figured if the person I was communicating with didn't find it helpful, others that come here and read it may get help from it.
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Main / Re: Where is everyone from?
« Last post by jmorm53 on July 05, 2018, 06:10:37 PM »
I lost my wife of 43 years to Ovarian cancer on May 29, 2018 after a 2 yr. battle She was my best friend and the love of my life. I feel so empty inside, at times I can barely function. I have read several grief related books in the past weeks but so far they really haven't seemed to be of much help. The pain is always there, the tightness in the throat, the tears that never seem to stop. I try to stay busy at work or when at home in the yard, my mind never stops thinking of her.
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Main / Re: Where is everyone from?
« Last post by jmorm53 on July 05, 2018, 05:56:51 PM »
Dartmouth, Massachusetts
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Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Spouse passed away 6/23/2018
« Last post by JustMark on June 29, 2018, 01:57:04 PM »
I'm sorry for your loss Mareeeteee, not only for your husband but also your son.The first couple of weeks are always the hardest but yes people do get through it but it will take time. I know last year when I lost Gina, my wife I was absolutely lost for what seems like the first month. It could have been a little less. Sometimes things didn't seem real but they were.The grieving process is different for us all and some people seem to go through it quickly some people it takes time before we adjust. I still really haven't  fully gotten used to it yet but I'm doing a lot better then I was this time last year. At first there were times I wasn't hungry but I still had to push myself to eat something or get motivated to do something around the house. So you have to keep an eye on yourself. Also if you are not used to vitamins you may want to pick up some until your appetite gets back to normal. It doesn't seem like it will but, it will. Take your time no need to rush because you know it's going to take time. You will find a lot of the things in your house will trigger a memory or several memories both good and bad but probably mostly good. You may find rearranging some things may help after some time or changing things in your house somewhat. It's really hard to say what works and what doesn't so all I did was mention things that helped me during that first month. Also what helped me was our dogs. They come and check on me, got me motivated to take them on walks and helped gave my mind a rest from those continuous memories in the house that would flood in. I know ir's hard for you right now so for now just take it one day at a time and one step at a time.
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Main / Re: Where is everyone from?
« Last post by Mareeeteee on June 28, 2018, 05:46:06 AM »
North Versailles, PA
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Spouse, Partner Loss / Spouse passed away 6/23/2018
« Last post by Mareeeteee on June 27, 2018, 08:41:43 PM »
My husband Gary passed away on 6/23/2018 after suffering from esophageal cancer for ten months.
61 years old; only hree years older than me.
Our 38th wedding anniversary was 6/21/2018.
He is Gary Sr. ;  Our first born son who died at four months old is named Gary Jr. (a long time ago)
Too much pain is surrounding me because it is all combined again.
Haven't even had memorial service or burial for my husband yet.

Does anyone ever get through this?!!???
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Sibling Loss / Re: Information about the Sibling Loss Board
« Last post by Terry on June 25, 2018, 08:28:20 AM »
(((((CCates)))))

I'm sorry to read of the death of your precious brother.

Welcome to Webhealing.

Hugs,
Terry
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