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1  Crisis, Grief, and Healing / Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Doyle's Birthday (((John))) on: June 23, 2014, 04:59:52 PM
((((((( JOHN ))))))))

Always wishing beautiful memories fill your heart  engel2


2  Crisis, Grief, and Healing / Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: DIMES FROM HEAVEN on: June 16, 2014, 04:45:54 PM
I haven't posted on this thread for awhile.

I have been still finding dimes. 

My nephew graduated high school last week.  I always talk to Lou and told him I wish he was with us but I know he will be there in spirit. Michael loves his Uncle Lou and misses him so.  We were getting ready to leave my sisters house and I walked back in to get something.  I looked down and there it was a DIME  engel2

I miss Lou every second  tearyeyed


3  Crisis, Grief, and Healing / Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Dave & Judy's Anniversary on: June 16, 2014, 04:40:53 PM
(((((( DAVE )))))))

Hoping today your heart is filled with beautiful memories.


4  Crisis, Grief, and Healing / Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Mary and Bhutan on: June 16, 2014, 04:39:32 PM
((((((((( KEVIN )))))))))))

Holding you close ..... I really don't know where the time goes ......... I hear you missing Mary more than ever.

Thank you for sharing that beautiful picture of your Mary and Bhutan  engel2



5  Crisis, Grief, and Healing / Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: lost and drowning on: June 06, 2014, 04:58:27 PM
((((( Mother ))))))

Take everything you are going through at your own pace.....

We are here for you !!


6  Crisis, Grief, and Healing / Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: lost and drowning on: June 03, 2014, 05:54:09 PM
((( Mother )))

Greif follows us no matter how far away we think we are.  We can't hide from it. Some people don't deal with it until later in life and I think that would be so hard.  We have to go through it to get through it.  Some people journal, go to grief groups or a therapist. You may want to try them.  I know there are grief groups in all states.  You would have to google it in your area.  

I felt guilt after Lou passed.  I told him I think he's having signs of a heart attack.  He assured me it wasn't.  Well, 3 hours later I got that horrible call at work.  I blamed myself for 5-6 months.  I thought I should've made him go to the hospital.  You have to try to let that go and don't blame yourself.  He got behind that wheel there was nothing you could've done.

Do you still have pain ? Sure you do it's normal.

I am just making some suggestions to occupy your time. Can you get a part time job or volunteer somewhere ?  When you are busy your mind stays busy.

Please don't feel worthless you are WORTHY !!

Here is an article for forgiveness. If you want to try it.

Just remember grief takes time .....

Why Learning to Forgive is Crucial for Your Heart and Health

About You, Being Single, Important Questions About You, Mind, Body And Spirit


Did you know that unforgiveness causes you stress and can affect your health? Every time we think of those who have transgressed against us, our body responds. Blood pressure and heart rates go up. Facial muscles tense and stress hormones rise. Chronic stress may also affect the immune and cardiovascular systems.

On the other hand, forgiveness reduces stress by replacing negative emotions with positive ones. Some research suggests that when married partners donít forgive each other for past hurts, they are less able to manage conflict in the present. Apparently adults who canít forgive their parents for mistakes may unconsciously transfer their anger to their spouses!

Scientific studies link the act of and benefits from forgiveness with reduced blood pressure and stress hormone levels, less pain, reduced depression and anger, relief in sufferers of chronic back pain, fewer relapses in women in substance abuse programs, as well as fewer symptoms of depression and stress.

Although forgiveness is an act that will help you heal, have you ever said, ďIíll forgive, but I wonít forget!Ē Would you rather carry around grudges, unwilling to write them off until you have the love, apology, caring, or approval you think is owed to you? When you act this way, you hurt your emotional health by constantly reminding yourself of how others have failed you and what they owe you. I used to feel at a loss as to what to say that would help my clients learn how to forgive until I read Dr. Gerald Jampolskyís advice. This renowned psychiatrist suggested:

ďForgiveness is letting go of all hopes for a better past.Ē

The past is past, yet you may be driving yourself into despair and anger because you canít undo what was done ďback thenĒ. You keep those wounds open because it validates your feelings when others notice how you martyr yourself. Try to become aware of how much energy it takes to keep your anger going, and how it depletes you. Think about how good and how light you will feel when you release the other person from your frustration.

If you arenít sure that you are ready to let go of your unforgiveness, try this simple acupressure mindfulness method. Sit in a comfortable chair or lie down. Place one hand over your forehead. Cup the back of your head just above the neck (called the occipital area) with your other hand. Put light pressure on these two areas. Focus on one of these thoughts at a time:

I am not sure that I want to forgive _________ (name of person) for __________ (his/her transgression).

Perhaps I am not ready to forgive because I get something out of continuing to hold on to my ________ (anger, hurt, depression).

Relax and let go as you think. Remain in this position until you feel finished. Some people experience a sense of total let-go, a kind of shift of your energy. Others start to have thoughts or memories about the situation. If that happens, flow with it and watch it until you reach a place of understanding and acceptance that, indeed, it is over and time for you to get on with your life. You may feel completion after one minute, five minutes, or more. Each of us processes at our own rate, so donít push yourself. Relax and observe the process.

Once you are ready to forgive, make a list of people in your life, past and present, who have not lived up to your expectations, or those you are still angry with. For each name, write the specific deed or situation that you have not forgotten or forgiven. When you are ready to let go of the old grudges, choose one name at a time and practice the mindfulness approach. As you feel finished with your grudge against each one, put both hands over your heart and say one of the following affirmative statements followed by three deep breaths. Once you feel at peace, move on to the next one on your list.

Even though I have not been able to forgive you for ____________, what happened is over and I canít go back in time and relive it the way I wish it had happened. I am choosing to let it be history and get on with my life.

Even though I have not been able to forgive you for ____________, what happened is over and I canít go back in time and relive it the way I wish it had happened. It is over and I am ready to allow a scar to form over that memory. So although I remember it, I feel no pain or anger about it.

Hereís an example of the power of forgiveness: after Jill released her former husband because he hadnít paid child support for five years, she felt renewed. A week later, he called and told her that conditions were suddenly improving in his life. She explained that she had just let go of her anger toward him. He said, ďYour hold on me was very great!Ē He also began to pay child support.

Your final task is for you to forgive yourself. Write down all your misdemeanors. What are your major faults or sins? Have you ever noticed that in our society, even murderers can get out of prison on parole after serving their sentence? Yet you may believe that you have committed such awful crimes against others you deserve lifelong purgatory! Look at your list of offenses toward yourself and others.

Think of the person you love most in the world. If this were his or her list, could you forgive him or her? Make a special time for your personal forgiveness ceremony. Use the two methods you have just learned to go through your list. For each item say:

Even though ___________(name) is unwilling to forgive me for ___________ and I donít blame him or her for holding a grudge against me, I am ready to apologize and to forgive myself for my behavior.

After you have addressed each of your wrongdoings, read each item on your list and announce out loud that you forgive yourself. In the following days you may notice that you feel less stress and more at peace.



7  Crisis, Grief, and Healing / Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Hey Lisa... on: June 01, 2014, 04:32:24 AM
((((((((((((( ALL ))))))))))))

Thank you for always being there , the kind words and support


8  Crisis, Grief, and Healing / Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Hey Lisa... on: May 31, 2014, 08:41:16 AM
Hi Arthur,

Thank you for your kind words as always  icon_flower


Well, I am just going to post here.  I had my procedure on Thursday, had to have two biopsies.  I have been very scared and on edge.  Friday the doctor called and they both came back BENIGN.  I am so HAPPY  icon_mrgreen I will be sore and bruised for awhile but that's OK.  I will deal with it.

I am so lucky to have family , friends and my family here for their love and always their support.

So thank you (((( everyone )))) !!



9  Crisis, Grief, and Healing / Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: lost and drowning on: May 31, 2014, 08:08:08 AM
((((( Mother )))))

I am so sorry for the loss of your fiancee'. Of course all of the other bad that you had in your life.  

You had come to the right place.  We are family here and don't judge.  I am glad that you have your children back in your life.  

We all wish we could go back but we somehow need to move forward.  We all grieve differently. We have good days and bad.  It's been 3 1/2 years now for me.  I do have bad days still.  I know Lou wants me to move forward and is always with me. I talk to him all the time and will always love and miss him.  

We all have this new life that we didn't ask for.  If we don't move forward we will be stuck forever and that will not be healthy for us.  Our spouses wouldn't want that for us either.

I wish I had the answer for you of what to do.  I am still trying to figure my life out too.  Don't be so hard on yourself.

We are here for you if you want to vent, yell , cry.  If you like tell us more about your fiancee' and children.

Sending, love, peace, hope and light



10  Crisis, Grief, and Healing / Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Hey Lisa... on: May 27, 2014, 12:11:10 PM
(((((( John ))))))

Ahh but maybe Doyle decided it was time for a change  icon_flower

I think I will be OK. At least the doctor says. I go in Thursday for a procedure once the results come back I will be better.  Well, as long as it is good results , lol

I went to NY this weekend , went to see the Air show at Jones beach, went out to a tikki bar, and hung out.  I just got in about an hour ago.  I needed some fun  icon_flower

Sending love to you my friend too ..............


11  Crisis, Grief, and Healing / Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: my anniversary on: May 27, 2014, 12:05:46 PM
((((((( Mouse )))))))

Thank you for sharing your special date with us .....

Even though I know there are still bad days..... I hope beautiful memories filled your heart of you and Jeffrey


12  Crisis, Grief, and Healing / Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: happy weekend everyone on: May 27, 2014, 12:03:44 PM
((((((( John )))))))

Everything you posted is so very true.......

Thank you for posting this post


13  Crisis, Grief, and Healing / Spouse, Partner Loss / HAPPY HEAVENLY BIRTHDAY MARY ( ZYLEN/KEVIN) on: May 15, 2014, 03:25:27 AM
((((((((( KEVIN ))))))))))

HAPPY HEAVENLY BIRTHDAY TO YOUR MARY  engel2 ............. I am wishing that you had beautiful memeories that filled your heart  love9

I am sorry I had missed posting this yesterday 5/14 ....................

Sending you , love , peace , hope and light


14  Crisis, Grief, and Healing / Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Hey Lisa... on: May 12, 2014, 02:10:23 PM
Hi Terry,

Lou is still sending me dimes but not as often ..... I actually found two of them on my Birthday icon_mrgreen

As you know I talk to Lou everyday since he went to Heaven ...... I am going through something personal I am very scared.  I've been telling Lou how scared I am and I know he is with me but I want him physcially here. Anyway, I did wash earlier and nothing was in the washer.  I was taking my clothes out and there it was a DIME !!!   love4



15  Crisis, Grief, and Healing / Spouse, Partner Loss / SHE CRIES on: May 10, 2014, 05:30:58 PM
Hi Everyone,

Just wanted to share this song. I came across and it hits home especially in the dark days.

This is for us whether widow or widower.

"She Cries" original country song
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