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Messages - Terry

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Child Loss / Re: Guilt
« on: November 19, 2008, 12:32:56 AM »
Marianne, I understand. Guilt for what we think we should have done or just guilt because we felt the need to protect them from all harm and at all times.

So many conflicting emotions while riding this roller coaster of grief. I often think, ask myself, where was my motherly instinct when my boy was in danger?
Honestly,  losing my son was never even a fleeting thought.

We were good Mom's, Aunt's and Grandmoms and I believe all of our babies believe that, too.

Holding you in my thoughts through this difficult time, and sending Love.


Child Loss / Re: Hello To All
« on: November 19, 2008, 12:09:38 AM »
"This is all so very hard and its something that I never thought I would be dealing with."


Child Loss / Re: Just an Update
« on: November 19, 2008, 12:05:15 AM »
Melissa, my thoughts and prayers are for you to have a beautiful and healthy baby!

Such a gift of Love!

Big Hug,

Child Loss / Re: This AWFUL PAIN
« on: November 19, 2008, 12:00:12 AM »
I don't believe the aching will ever go away or the intense 'missing'.

Thank You Martha and for sharing your precious Candi. I'm so sorry.


Child Loss / Re: Back from vacation
« on: November 18, 2008, 11:50:54 PM »
Rebecca, I'm happy for you that you could laugh and smile and knowing all the while, Jason was smiling with you. He is always with you. How awesome!


Child Loss / Re: Charlies Bday
« on: November 18, 2008, 11:46:07 PM »
Happy Birthday, Charlie!!

Thinking of you ((((((((Melissa)))))))) and sending Love.


Child Loss / Re: This AWFUL PAIN
« on: November 18, 2008, 11:09:57 PM »
Annette, I appreciate your taking the time, as so many have, to respond. And you weren't rambling at all.

I, too feel love and care knowing I'm just a keystroke away from being heard, being understood.
Connected we are, yes.

The healing comes when our deepest feelings are shared and a caring heart, understands.

Thanks so much. You were 'very' helpful.


Child Loss / Re: This AWFUL PAIN
« on: November 18, 2008, 11:02:27 PM »
Thank You Marianne for sharing, for understanding. Yes, we do what we need to.

Love & Hugs,

Child Loss / Re: This AWFUL PAIN
« on: November 18, 2008, 10:57:13 PM »
Thank You Rita, I really appreciate your caring and I truly wish that 'No One' else, understood this pain. I wish I had a magic wand.

Love & Hugs...Terry

Child Loss / Re: Dena and Terry where are you
« on: November 18, 2008, 09:46:38 PM »

Oh Jackie, I wish you could feel my arms around you and know, that you are not alone, although it sure does feel that way at times.

"I will keep posting as I have noone in person to be a friend and care about me. I haven't since this nightmare began. I am completly alone in my grief and that makes it that much worse."

I can relate to your feelings Jackie. Even in a room full of people, there were times I felt like I was going to disappear. It's the pain.

There's nothing wrong with reaching out further for help, especially if you feel like you want to hurt yourself in anyway. Please know that there are people out there that do care. At times we have to take that extra step, hard as it may be because you 'do' deserve to feel cared for...we all do.

I can still remember my first post, almost 6 years ago, and speaking, as you are, of this gut-wrenching pain and feeling alone. But, I wasn't. I quickly realized that.

What has always helped me is writing down my feelings. Sharing my feelings. Taking each day as it came and just doing the best I could with what I had to work with.
I wasn't looking for a 'cure' as I knew from past losses that this is something I have to live with and I searched out every available resource, used a few from the past,  and continued on the path that has brought me to where I am today. I'm a Mom that has buried her children. And I feel pain.

I read the responses to your post and you've received very caring and wise words to hold onto. And that's all we can do Jackie, is hold on as tightly as we can and know, even through the darkness, a light 'will' shine. Maybe just enough to allow you to view the moments, hours ahead. But, it is there.
And then there will be a time when that 'dim' light, shines a little brighter and for awhile longer.
It is these moments that light our way on this journey that we must travel.

One second, one day at a time.

And remember, there are good and decent people that are qualified to help you. They really are out there. Please reach out if you are feeling overwhelmed. There is no shame in that.

And know that you are 'not' any of your feelings.

Holding you tightly and sending my Love....Terry

Child Loss / Re: LaVonne and Jason
« on: November 15, 2008, 01:45:46 AM »
Lavonne, I'm sorry your son is having to suffer from his injuries. Friends of mine had a similar problem with not being able to prove a MRI was medically necessary. They went to Shands, which is a teaching hospital. Saw a Dr., was diagnosed and the test was ordered. They are paying 25.00 a month. Any teaching hospitals in your area or 'not' in your area? Might be worth a try.
And, at this point, with his symptoms being as they are, him going to the ER would be his best chance for having the test performed. And right away!

Will be thinking of you and your son, and that he will be diagnosed very soon.


Child Loss / Re: LaVonne and Jason
« on: November 15, 2008, 01:32:13 AM »
Oh Lavonne, I'm holding you tight, hoping and praying that your sweet Jason will let you know how close he is.
I just went outside, raised my hands up and shouted out JASON!

Love You

Child Loss / Re: This AWFUL PAIN
« on: November 15, 2008, 12:58:22 AM »
Hi Lavonne! It's so good to hear from you and to see your beautiful Jason.

"The If onlys will destroy us because we cannot change it."

No, we cannot change the awful truth that our children have died. And you know, because I've probably shared it a thousand times, that I "Live by the Serenity Prayer" and the knowledge in it's meaning that has always kept me grounded.
During this journey, I have grown to accept that I have and always will-have, much to learn. It is truly a never-ending process. Almost like a book that someone has started writing, well, it will never be finished, never an ending because none of us know what the ending will be. We can just continue to write of our experiences. The ending will ultimately...write itself.

As you also know, I too have a Granddaughter. My Jeff's beautiful daughter. The more time that passes, the more my thinking has changed from her being my 'reason for staying here because she needs me' to...I love her dearly but I don't 'live' for her. Because when all is said and done, I will be alone with 'me' and what I've personally accomplished and dealt with and if I can feel complete by the choices I've made, lived with...the goals I've set, the dreams I've dreamed and hopefully, lived to fulfill. At the same time I don't want to imagine life without her...sounds conflicting, I know, but I think you understand where I'm coming from.
This has taken me on another journey of soul-searching and of discovery.
I'm sorry to hear of the trials you've had to bear recently and I do hope that you're taking good care of yourself and that very soon, you'll be on the mend!
And I think that you're 'very good' with words Lavonne, as you have always expressed your heart-felt feelings in a way that has always touched my heart. And I thank you for your honesty, and always...your concern.

Thank You for just being here. It really does mean so much.

And thank you, I 'have' enjoyed the sunshine, was hot in Florida today.:)
It does come in the other form, but lately very dark clouds are hovering. I must admit that I'm running on my reserve right now. (Happy that I've kept it full)

Thinking of you and Jason and sending you a Big Hug and Lots of Love!!


Child Loss / Re: Had to put our dog down today.
« on: November 12, 2008, 08:40:42 PM »
"Now just one more link to my precious boy is gone."

I'm sorry Melissa. It's just so hard. Our pets are an extension of a greater love and since they become family members too, we're having to say Good-Bye all over again. It takes us right back to the beginning.

Your 'Charlie' is a doll baby. Awesome picture.  I'm so very sorry.

Keeping you in my thoughts.


Child Loss / Re: Hello to all from Kyle's mom-please read and post
« on: November 12, 2008, 05:10:18 PM »
"Thanks for listening as usual and I hope to sometime find out how to actuallly introduce myself and tell KYle's story on this site. Can anyone tell me how. If one more outside person tells me how strong I am or how lucky I am to have my other son I am going to spit. Yes, I do love Zachy but he does not replace my Kyle."

Jackie, I think you're doing a wonderful job sharing about Kyle and Zachy. I couldn't think of a better way to introduce yourself besides exactly how you're doing it!

Taking care of my health has always been a priority, because when I falter physically, my emotional state suffers. I try to eat good, sleep good and get plenty of exercise. It has always seemed to help me. Easy? At times it has been difficult, but I've seen the price I have to pay when I have neglected my health in the past. It's too steep.

These dates, it seems, are here for you and they can be very difficult, to say the least. I understand that pain you speak of, where your body aches.
Coming here and sharing of your pain, your trials is so important. There are very supportive people on this Board, and a safe place for you to come without hearing such cruel remarks such as the ones you mentioned.

Some people Jackie, are just unaware of how devestating it is to lose a child, and at times, and for lack of something better/kinder to say....they sometimes blurt out very hurtful comments.
I have friends who love me and at times they have said things that I know they don't realize at the time how much pain their words cause, but nevertheless, it continues....with friends, family, etc.
I've learned to set boundries with those around me as to what I 'will' and 'will-not' accept. And although they can't/don't understand it at the time, by being very specific with them has helped tremendously.

I'm sorry you're in so much pain right now and I wish that none of us understood it and that none of us had even a need for this place. But I'm thankful it is here. And I thank you too, for being here and sharing through all of your pain.

Please take care of yourself as this time of the year can be so physically draining and rob us of our much-needed resources that enable us to find something in each day that is beautiful.
I do understand that there are times that it is difficult to see anything through this pain.

I'd love to hear more about your Kyle when you're ready.

I'll be thinking about you Jackie and 'Know I Care'!


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