Topics

16

Parent Loss / Uncle's angel date and mother's birthday

« on: January 22, 2015, 11:12:07 PM »

The next two days are going to be very hard.  Tomorrow is my uncle's angel date. I am missing him more than ever this year as Saturday is my mother's birthday and I wish he was still here so I could talk to him about my mother.  My only comfort right now is that my mother is with her brother now as I know how much it hurt her when he passed away. 

I am going to go visit her grave Saturday. It is going to be harder to go than the other times I have been but I feel I need to go. I ask for your prayers for strength to get through the day and the visit to her grave.  I really hurting right now and need strength to get through the next two days.

17

Parent Loss / Hurting and in shock

« on: November 03, 2014, 12:33:56 AM »

I am in such pain and shock right now and I really need some help in dealing with something that was said to me.  My mother has not been gone a year yet and someone asked me why I wasn't over the loss of her yet.  How could anyone ask such a thing so soon after a loss of a dear loved one?  I have no idea how to deal with this question.  I am in such pain and shock over it.  I am not handling it very well as I am so numb.  I really need some advice on how to deal with this.  It just really hurts so much.  Has anybody else been asked this and if so how did you deal with it?  I really need some help with this

18

Main / Am missing my grandmother

« on: October 31, 2014, 03:01:49 PM »

16 years ago today I had to say goodbye to my grandmother.  We were very close.  For about 15 years I would go to her house every Saturday morning and stay all day and all night with her.  During the Summers I would get to stay more with her.  We would play cards and dominoes while we listened to music.  Our favorite singer was Ricky Skaggs.

She also made the best fried chicken in the world.  That is what she would fix on Saturdays.  I would give anything to eat a piece of her fried chicken again and play another game of cards and dominoes with her.  We would also go on walks together.  I will always cherish those memories but at the same time it hurts so much that she is gone.   

19

Main / Missing my grandpa

« on: October 26, 2014, 12:43:35 AM »

Today is the anniversary of my grandpa's passing and I am missing him so very much.  He was SO VERY VERY special to me.  He was such a loving and kind man.  I will never forget, when I would crawl up in his lap or into bed with him when I was little and he would put his arms around me, how amazing the feeling was.  I would give anything to feel his arms around me again.  I remember going to the viewing and seeing him in he casket but it didn't really hit me that he was really gone until after his funeral while we were still at the cemetery.  When it hit me it really hit me hard as I totally lost it. I just want my grandpa back so badly. I loved him SO much. I have tried to live like he did so that he would be proud of me. It gets harder each year instead of easier and I wonder if maybe there is something really wrong with me.     

20

Sibling Loss / EXTREMELY hard time of the month

« on: October 16, 2014, 03:22:59 PM »

I am EXTREMELY numb with pain right now.  This is a very hard time of the month of October anyway as it is the anniversary of my sister's last days leading up to the anniversary of her passing which will be Monday.  But it is even harder this year as everything is TO THE DAY.  It is the first time that the anniversary of her passing has fell on the same day of the week that she actually passed away on.  So with it all being to the day I feel like it is happening all over again.

I got the call to get to her bedside at 5:30am on the 15th.  Yesterday was the 15th and I woke up at 4:30am and couldn't get back to sleep for 2 hours because the memory of 6 years ago was just spinning through my head.  I hurt so much yesterday with the memory playing over and over in my head of how she looked when I got to her bedside (so very weak and pale), which I got to just as soon as I could after I got the call and remembering the first words that she said to me which were, "I am so glad you are here."  I stayed at her bedside day and night until her passing at 3:15am the following Monday morning.

It just hurts SO much having her last days just play over and over in my mind.  I wish I could stop it because I feel like I am going to lose it and not be able to regain control.  The pain is almost unbearable.  I just really need my mother right now.  I feel so alone.

21

Parent Loss / An EXTREMELY hard time

« on: September 25, 2014, 03:40:20 PM »

Yesterday was VERY hard as it was my mom and dad's anniversary.  It would have been their 55th.  I missed my mother SO VERY much yesterday.  I went to her grave and cried.  I still can't believe she is gone.  I want her back so bad.

And on top of yesterday I am fixing to have to face the month of October with out the support of my mother.  Losing a sister, 2 grandparents and a cousin all in the same month makes the month SO VERY hard to face.  And to have to do it without the support of my mother makes it even harder.  Plus, October 1st is my birthday and it will be my first one without my mother.  She ALWAYS baked me a cake and fixed me a special dinner for my birthday so I am really going to miss that.

I would like to ask for your prayers as this is a VERY difficult and hard time for me.  I am hurting so very much right now and am really struggling about facing the month of October.  Sometimes I am not sure I a strong enough to make it through the pain of the coming days and I need prayers for strength to make it through.  Thank You.

22

Parent Loss / 6 months today

« on: August 11, 2014, 03:02:17 PM »

6 months ago today I had to say good bye to my dear precious mother.  Today has been really hard.  I miss her so terribly much.  I want her back in the worst way possible.  I don't know why she had to die.  I have been told that it does get easier but everything I read says it doesn't. Right now it feels like it never will get any easier. I have to force myself to get out of bed every morning and get through the day as I hate facing each day without her.  I am so scared that it never will get easier and that I won't be able to bear the pain.  My heart just hurts so much. 

23

Sibling Loss / My sister's birthday

« on: July 08, 2014, 03:36:48 PM »

Tomorrow is my sister's birthday and I am so dreading the day.  If she were still alive we would be together.  I would either be going to be treating her to an all-day celebration on the town or be giving her her gift in some fun way.  An example of how I gave her her gift one year was I put her gift in the bottom of a shirt box.  I then placed layers of tissue paper on top of it.  On top of each layer of tissue paper I placed a card with a trivia question on it.  She would have to answer a question before she could take off each layer of tissue paper.  She loved it and we both had so much fun.  As far as a celebration on the town, one year I treated her to a movie, lunch, shopping and a treat of her choice (she chose a snow cone).  She had fun enjoying her day of being treated, I had fun treating her and we both had fun spending time together.  I would give ANYTHING to be able to do something like that tomorrow.  From one birthday to the next neither of us knew how the other was going to give us our gift.  This may seem like something small to all of you but to us it was great fun and something we really enjoyed and looked forward to each year.  I just miss her SOOOOO much and tomorrow is going to be so hard without my mother's support to get through the day.

24

Parent Loss / Going to be a hard month

« on: July 02, 2014, 03:37:23 PM »

July is going to be a VERY hard month to get through.  It is my sister's birth month and I don't have my mother this year to give me support to get through the month.  I don't know how I am going to make it through the month alone.  It was hard enough when I did have my mother's support but now without her it is going to be next to impossible to make it through.  To be honest, I am really scared about facing the month alone.  It just hurts so much and sometimes the hurt is almost more than I can stand. I really don't know if I can do this.

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Parent Loss / 4th of July

« on: June 20, 2014, 03:24:20 PM »

I am REALLY dreading the 4th of July as my mother and I had a tradition that we did then every year.  We would go to the parade together that morning enjoying visiting with each other while waiting for it to start.  That night we would take Allsups burritos and cherry cokes with us to eat and drink while we watched the fireworks.  To be honest, I am not sure how I am going to be able to make it through the day on the 4th.  It is going to be SO VERY hard. I am going to miss doing those things with her SOOOOO much.  I just don't know why she had to die.  I want her back more than anything.  It hurts SOOOOO MUCH.

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Parent Loss / Scared and confused

« on: June 04, 2014, 03:35:59 PM »

I am so very scared and confused right now.  I have been having a very hard time coping with the loss the last few days.  This morning I didn't get to sleep until 4:00 and yesterday morning it was 6:00.  I have been reading books on the loss of a mother and so many say that it will never get an easier.  That really scares me as I don't know if I can bear the pain if it doesn't ever get any easier because it is so overwhelming. 

I am also having a very hard time coming to terms with a decision that I had to make which ended her life.  I was the one who had to tell them to stop pumping air into her that was keeping her heart going. How do you accept having to make a decision like that?  I know it was what she wanted but it was still the hardest decision I have ever had to make in my life.

27

Main / In such shock

« on: May 24, 2014, 11:49:54 PM »

I have been in a state of shock since losing my mother in February and now I am even more in shock.  A childhood friend who I have been friends with since kindergarten passed away very suddenly. We played together MANY hours of MANY days when we were kids.  After he moved away we didn't get to see each other very often but we did get to see each other last year.  I am so very thankful for that.  I just can't believe he is gone.  I am just in total shock and this on top of losing my mother is just really really hard to take.  How does one keep going in such pain? I am not sure I know how or even can.  It is all I can do to breath anymore the pain is just so overwhelming. 

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Parent Loss / Having an EXTREMELY hard tine with the loss of my mother

« on: May 23, 2014, 03:18:43 PM »

I am so very numb with such excruciatingly overwhelming pain right now.  I miss my mother SOOOOO much.  Mother's Day was VERY hard.  I went to her grave that day and put some roses there.  I just want her back more than anything in this world.  Sometimes I am not sure I am going to be able to take another step forward to get through this.  I am having to force myself more than I have ever had to before in my life.  It just HURTS HURTS HURTS.  Sometimes I feel like I am not going to make it through this.  The pain is almost so unbearable at times.  Sometimes I am scared I am not going to make it through this  because the pain is so bad.  Sometimes I just sit and ask over and over WHY DID GOD HAVE TO LET HER DIE.

29

Parent Loss / Hurting and scared

« on: April 02, 2014, 03:02:53 PM »

Sometimes the pain is so bad I am not sure I am going to make it through the day.  It is all I can do to move.  Some mornings I can hardly make myself get out of bed as facing the day without my mother is so hard.  To be honest, I don't want to live without my mother.  I hate life without her.  It hurts so bad.   Taking one step at a time is such a struggle. Sometimes I don't know if I am going to make it from one step to the next.  It just REALLY REALLY hurts.  I miss her SOOOOOOOOOOO much.

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Parent Loss / This is SOOOOO hard

« on: March 17, 2014, 03:41:55 PM »

I am hurting so very much. The pain is just so heavy that I can't breath.   How long does the pain stay so heavy? I can't enjoy anything anymore.  I am SLOWLY being able to look forward to a concert that I had bought tickets to just 3 days before I lost my mother.  When she passed away I was just going to forget about going to the concert but then I thought that she would want me to go and have fun so one of my cousins is going with me. This cousin has been of great support to me.  She has been by my side ever since she found out that my mother was in the hospital.  She has been there when I needed to talk and she is helping me with some to the things that need to be done with someone passes away.  There is just so much to do and I am very lucky to have her.