Messages

1

Child Loss / Re: Signs from our Precious Children

« on: December 04, 2011, 11:49:23 AM »

I dont dream..... and lately i havent felt Josh around me....... but earlier this week i went to the gravesite and i was talking to him telling him how much i loved him and miss him, and how hard the hollidays are with out him....i asked him to sent me a sign to let me know he was still with me...I kissed his headstone and  said i love you my precious baby boy...i walk to my car and got in cranked it up and made my turn to leave as i got even with his gravesite....baby blues came on the radio....it a song that Josh would sing to me when he was 2...i cryed like a baby the whole time it was on.... I said thank you son thats just what i needed.

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Child Loss / Re: touchy subject please help

« on: October 18, 2011, 03:05:03 AM »

Terry, thanks... I havent been able to sleep at all tonight thinking about this.... I am going to go to his work today and see if he is there, and try to talk to him..... I understand the crys for help and the ones that dont..............I had a cousin kill his self and my uncle shot his self in the head when i was prego with Brittany, I remember helping my mom scrub down the walls and floor so his kids would see it (i was only 19)..and also Brittany has crohns disease and when she was 14 they had her on a high doseof steriods that she fliped out and took  bunch of pills, she paniced and came told me and after the hospital i had her committed to drug and alchol program for a week...this was a total shock to her, but i was scared and didnt know what else to do....she never tryed it again.   Theres this fine line we as parents walk and sometime we have to cross over to help other parents...I dont know this boys parents, ive never even met him, but i have been having panic attacks and unable to sleep since that night....wish me luck, I hope they understand it is all out of love and concern.

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Child Loss / Re: touchy subject please help

« on: October 17, 2011, 07:00:52 PM »

LaVonne.... I feel the same way, since she had just met him a few days before she doesnt know his last name or anything.....I know where the young man works.....should i go and try to talk to him by myself...I know he is joining the navy soon..... and i know that Rachel would be upset if i went and talked to him, so im at a loss..i dont want his parents or any other parents to go thru our hell....

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Child Loss / touchy subject please help

« on: October 17, 2011, 12:37:25 PM »

As most of you know when Josh died my youngest daughter was only 9.  She is now 14 and such a beautiful young lady.....she started highschool this year (the same one Josh went to)... were this affects me alot she said she is ok with it.   Friday two weeks ago she called me and asked if i could bring her some shoes she got something on them during gym.  I did and when i got to the office she was sitting there shaking and visual upset.  I set down while she put on her shoes and asked if she was ok, she started crying and said that her best friend in gym had told her that her brother died, she said it was suicide...he was 21..... I asked how Natasha was and she said she was ok.....(Rachel only grieved a little when Josh died and then said that she would see him again...like he was in a different state.....she told her older sister that she doesnt talk about him or like for people to talk about Josh because she didnt want to be know as the girl with the dead brother) she wanted people to know her as herself.  When she told me about her friend i asked it she told her that she had lost her brother and knew what she was going thru...she said yes, but Natasha seemed fine with it.....Rachel was so upset she couldnt stop crying, i knew that it was from supressing Josh's own death, i took her out of school and spent the day with her...that weekend she asked it she could go to the mall with Natasha, i said yes...she met on of Natasha's friends who works there he is 18...... she gave him her cell and they text as friends a few times...well Sunday night a week ago Rachel didnt feel good so she went to bed early, well at 11pm she came in my room crying and asked if i would come sit with her, I go in the livingroom where she was curled up in the chair crying and asked whats wrong?  She handed me her cell and that guy (natasha's friend) Cory had sent her a text that said "Rachel, I am sorry that i didnt get to know you that well, you seem like an awesome person and i wish things were different...but after tonight this number will no longer be good....because i am taking my own life!"  she had texted him no, why , it cant be that bad please call me, talk to me...please dont do this...she called him he said i cant talk right now and hung up on her.  All this took place before she got me up...... I sat with her as we tryed for a couple of hours to get ahold of him...I tryed to assure her that he was ok....she is hystrical....i had to give her a anixiety pill just to calm her down.... she finally fell asleep....she got up the next morning and tryed him again nothing....she went to school still very up set!  Around lunch time i texted her and asked her if she was ok and she said yes he had just texted her and said that somehow he threw up all the pills after he passed out........and he didnt want to talk about it.   My oldest said that maybe He was just trying to see if Rachel liked him.....I dont know...All i know is that she was going thru hell and refuses to talk to anyone about it... she will talk to her sister sometimes....Im not sure what to do... I hurt to see her hurting.... she is fine now that he is ok and Natasha's brothers funneral is over...but what if something like this happens again... does anyone have any advice?    Sorry about all the miss spellings

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Child Loss / hi everyone

« on: October 16, 2011, 01:51:46 PM »

I  havent been on here in a while i read some of your post from my phone but never post because my phone is kinda screwy.. I just want to say happy anniversary to all that ive missed, happy heavenly birthday and happy birthday....everyone on here holds a very special place in my heart and i just wanted to say that....

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Child Loss / Re: Sunday cave dwellers

« on: October 16, 2011, 01:48:38 PM »

I would like to join the cave, looking for a safe place to hide from the holidays...lol....just tell me what i need to do, I read alot from my phone but i dont post much, just trying to cope and it seems to be harder and harder each year....

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Child Loss / Re: Josh's Angel Date ((((( Virgie )))))

« on: May 29, 2011, 04:54:58 PM »

Terry.................. Thanks, this year has been really hard........it seems like it never ends...

hugs and love

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Child Loss / Re: 11 years today...

« on: May 22, 2011, 01:11:14 PM »

Pat my heart goest out to you..... it seems like this journey never gets any easier.... my prayers are with you and John.

((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))

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Child Loss / Re: What do you do on your childs Angelversary?

« on: May 22, 2011, 01:07:58 PM »

Paula, our storys sound so simular as many other do on here..... I am sorry to hear that you all so are approching the 5 th year, for some reason this on seem so much harder!!  As you i will be at the cementary on that day, but i also find my self at the accident site, sitting beside the road crying or afew times ive gone in to the yard and sat by the tree where his truck stoped at..and i find myself crying as i search the grass for any signs, ive found broken cds and several things left behind from the emts... but this year will be dirrerent, the cut down the tree.  so im at a lost!  My heart is with you as you approach your 5 year.

Wendy what courage it must take for you to do all this planning.... Im sorry about the art wall, i know that was hard.....I had a wooden cross made up for the accident site last year ( it was beautiful)  we cemented in the ground near the accident on the 26 of may and i came back by on the 27 and some one had already demolished it... and no one would say what happen to it, i was so broked.... keeping you in my heart as you make plans for Keiths angelersary.

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Child Loss / Heavenly Birthdays and Angelversarys

« on: May 18, 2011, 06:45:21 PM »

I havent been on here in a while and i have missed alot of birthdays and angelversarys...... I just wanted to tell you all even though i havent been on here you all have been on my mind and in my heart!!  Much love to you all as we muddle threw another year.

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Child Loss / What do you do on your childs Angelversary?

« on: May 18, 2011, 06:38:45 PM »

May 26, will be 5 years since my son passed..... at first on his angelversary i would invite his friends and family out the the gravesite and i would bring fresh flowers and we would sit around and tell storys and cry.........as the year has passed so has family and friends, I find my self alone at the gravesite crying and telling him how much i miss and love him....

What do you all do on that day?

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Child Loss / Re: Lingering or delayed reactions

« on: April 05, 2011, 10:21:14 AM »

I think we all lose those coping skills, i know i have......... I have always been the over protective mom........if i had it my way i would lock my kids up and never let them out of my sight.  Knowing that i cant always protect them just drives me crazy!!  I dont go to stores, or crowded restraunts because i cant controll the panic attacks that sends me into a whirlwind of emotions.... my girls understand, my husband thinks i should be better... He gets upset when i get uneasy feelings about a school trip or outing and hesitate about letting my youngest go.  I feel that its unfair when we have family get togethers, its like i'm cheating my son out of these things so we  haven't them.....  Not until now, the 17 of this month my husbands son and wife and 3 beautiful grandbabies are coming down form ohio and as much as i want to see them i feel so guilty...  my son loved his step brother but they never really spent much time together..... i find myself stressing over the visit, we are staying at the beach house which i love and find so very peaceful, but i feel like i shouldnt be there.....  before i would of embraced the moment and planned a big party, why do we loose coping skills...........  I find myself wanting to just stay in bed and not get up until its over...

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Child Loss / Re: My 17 year-old son died in accident hours ago.

« on: April 05, 2011, 09:56:29 AM »

Gary, my heart goes out to you and your wife!  I am so sorry you have to go thur the pain and unwanted journey of loosing Joe!  I know you have so many unanswered questions....this is normal. You will find there are no easy answers....The numbness and shock will eventually wear off and you will become angry, all this is normal, but please know that there was nothing you could have done to prevent this.  I lost my 18yr son in a single car accident almost five years ago, I wanted to know everything and see what happeded....(not smart) i still beat myself up about his death knowing that there was nothing i could do....  Our storys are alike in so many ways but also so different.  There is no greater pain than loosing and child!!  We are here for you and your wife.....Make sure you both are getting  rest and are eating when you can.........Keeping your strenght up and comfort each other is so very important.  My prayers are with you and your wife....

14

Child Loss / Sunday Night

« on: March 30, 2011, 08:13:23 PM »

Sunday Night my two girls, son in law and grandson was going to eat dinner, As i round the curve of hwy330 their was a man laying in the right lane of the hwy.  Their was blood everywhere....my oldest daughter covered her sons eyes and said "DONT LOOK DONT LOOK  OH MY GOD DONT LOOK"   I passed him and pulled off about 200 ft away............my oldest then started crying and asking me if he was dead............ I jump out of my truck and ran across the hwy his motorcycle was in the grass.... I called 911 and went to where the guy was...........People had stopped real close the him and was standing their....... (My son in-law was with the girls and he started say please don't go please do go..........Britt asked him what and he said your mom is going the man.....she don't need to see that!  Then Britt who was still crying told Rachel please don't ever look at Josh's  accident pics that mom has, well Rachel starting crying hysterical.....and say mom don't go down there please don't go down there...........When i got to the man there was no pulse, even though this man said he seen him move...........there was no pulse!  He was really messed up, but in my mind i was thinking i had to help him I had to do something! and then i started thinking about Josh did anybody help him?  It was like if i helped this man than i was helping my son and he would be ok....but there was nothing i could do!!!!  The police got there and the officer walked up to the man and said he you alive, he buddy you alive..........I watched as he put his foot on his back and wiggled it to see he would responded...... Is this how they did Josh?  The officer than said if you didn't see what happened the you can leave.........I made my way back to the car to find the girls hysterical, they asked if he was dead and i said no.......i couldn't tell them yes!  We all were to sick at our stomachs to eat...........We drove around a bit and them came home when we passed by again the ambulance and fire was still there with the road shut down.  That night i was sitting in the livingroom when Britt came in and said i cant get that image out of my head!  The next morning she got on line and read about it and found out he had died at the scene..........  I cant shake the image and wonder is that how my son was treated?  This happed less than a mile from Josh's accident site.

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Child Loss / Re: New,,, Please Help Me

« on: March 18, 2011, 08:56:11 AM »

I am so sorry to hear about Garrett!! I am almost 5 years in this journey and my pain and anger is as raw as it was on day 1... I'm glad u found this site, it is good to have someone who knows your pain!  Family and friends can only pretend to know the pain but until they travel this journey it is only pretend with them!!  I have lost my sisters over my Pain, they say I am to depressed to hang around so they don't... I hope you can find some comfort in knowing you are not alone!