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Messages - trae

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1
Main / Re: Today was a better day
« on: October 28, 2007, 07:46:20 PM »
Hi Linda - baby steps..baby steps. You're moving in the right direction.  The day will come when your daughter and family can be a comfort.  It does take awhile, but it will come.  Baby steps are a glorious thing! 

Take care and the tears will subside at some point.  It is still really early in your grief......Love to you and your daughter!

Terri

2
Main / Re: Here we go again!
« on: October 28, 2007, 07:41:15 PM »
Jazz - WOW when will this woman learn.  I agree that her new husband should get out, and somehow he can become an ally for you and your family.  How long has she been remarried?  It is a sickness for someone to want to run everyone's life, and if it doesn't go their way, everyone will pay and she will reak havoc on everyone.  Unfortunately, it sounds like no one can get through to her, so the only thing that you and your family can do is love those children and make sure her wrath doesn't come through their personalities too.  When someone is so controlling they don't see anything but them being the victim.  GOD how strong you are.  Help her husband and maybe he can help her or at least your little nephews.  At some point God will intervene, but for now be there for her husband and her kids.  Obviously, trying to be there for her isn't what she wants, but God will guide you.  Good Luck and you are loved by so many here!

Terri

3
Main / Re: Shocked about suicide
« on: October 26, 2007, 06:13:38 PM »
Thank you all.  I finally got the florist to let me know when the other two deliveries will be.  (They had no idea he was gone).  The next one is on December 7th (my 50th birthday) and the other March 15th (the day we met).  They will now go to the cancer ward at our local hospital.  They will however, mail me the cards he wrote out, but within the next couple of weeks.  Not on my birthday, and our anniversary. 

Thank you Goldie for your thoughts and the website.  I did chuckle when I read yoga because all I could see was my big ole butt up in the air trying to relax.  LOL, but I understand what you mean. 

Thanks again to all of you, and yes lauren I am very ANGRY that he did this.  Not only did he do the selfish thing of shooting himself, but to plan it so that I could not move on is not a nice thing.  As far as I know, no one else has gotten anything.  And to send them to me on HIS birthday!  I almost fainted.  But alas, I am moving on and trying so hard to get over this.  My daughter is having a real hard time letting go of the anger.  (She's 13 almost 14 and extremely emotional and dramatic anyway).  So I keep the pictures in my bedroom and my momentos there too.  She is so very angry.  Hard enough to be a teenage girl, let alone have something like this happen.  He planned so many things for us to do as a little "family" and now.......GRRRRR.  Anyway, I am having coffee with a new man on Sunday.  Slow baby steps because I don't want to replace my Joe just yet.

Wish me luck guys, and love to you all.

Terri

4
Main / Re: Husbands suicide
« on: October 26, 2007, 06:02:45 PM »
Linda:  I know EXACTLY how you feel.  But believe me it does get better and yes it is a little fresh and new for you.  My boyfriend shot himself on July26, 2007 and died July 29, 2007 and after 3 weeks I was still crying every day wondering, "when will this end?"  It was just too soon to feel better I think.  I prayed for the moment I could look at a picture, talk about him without feeling all those horrible "what if's" and the big one WHY??  I still grieve terribly, but I can actually look at his picture now, and sometimes I think of him and smile.  It will be 3 months this coming monday.  Sometimes I actually have days when I don't think about him, then I come home and feel so guilty that I didn't.  My daughter is 13 and loved my Joe like a father, and she is still extremely angry.  She doesn't understand that the person commiting suicide is thinking about nothing else but getting rid of the pain.  They don't think, "i'm gonna kill myself and then everyone will be sad and won't that be great?"  They are trying to kill the pain, and if it means killing themselves, sobeit.  I know it sounds harsh, but I have learned that through therapy and most of all here on this website.  My daughter is just getting to the point she will talk about Joe, but she will not look at his pictures or even talk about the good times, "yet".  It will come.  I think the hardest part is the "what ifs".  Nothing could have stopped it. 

I kept thinking, why didn't I stay home from work like he asked me to that day?  Why didn't I call him earlier than I did (I called him at 8:30 Thursday night, and he had already shot himself at 2:00 that afternoon).  It will get better, but it will take a while.  Yes, it is still extremely fresh and new for you, and I think individual counseling is wonderful.  My therapist does want me to join a group session, but he wants me to wait for a while.  3 months isn't that long. 

Good luck and my thoughts are with you.  It hurts I know.  Stay strong and keep coming here.  These folks are AMAZING!!

BIG HUGE HUG FROM ME - TERRI

5
Main / Re: So drained on trying!!
« on: October 19, 2007, 09:45:28 PM »
Jazz:

I thought of you today.  I have been off of this cite for a few months, and something came to me that made me wonder:  "How is Jazzgirl's family doin?"  I'm so sorry that the one child is out of your lives, but that the other is still there.  God bless you for staying so strong, and I pray for your parents.  This is a hellish thing to go through. 

Stay strong!  You're amazing!!

Terri

6
Main / Re: healing process
« on: October 19, 2007, 09:26:08 PM »
Lost:  I have not been on here for awhile, and WOW!  You have a lot of amazing friends on here.  the poems are so thoughtful and reach so many people.  Come back over and over.  I realize now after being gone for a couple months, that I need you guys.  No one understands, but everyone here does.  Thank god for you all.

terri

7
Main / Re: Shocked about suicide
« on: October 19, 2007, 09:12:27 PM »
Well I had to come back.  I thought I was getting better, but then my Joe's 61st birthday came.  AND a bouquet of flowers were delivered to me on his birthday with a note that said "Please don't be sad, its not your fault, just know that I loved you more than you will ever know.  Remember the good times, Joe."  I immediately called the florist and they were ordered 1 week before he killed himself.  The woman said there were two other deliveries scheduled, but couldn't tell me when.  I don't know what to do.  I'm scared to get them, I cry and cry to know he knew I would be thinking of him on his birthday.  Its like he WANTS me to continue the grieving process, even though its been almost 3 months since he committed suicide.  I was finally getting to the point where I thought of him and smiled!  Now....I'm back to the pity.  What do I do? 

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Main / Re: My husbands suicide, I need someone to talk to
« on: September 18, 2007, 06:29:06 PM »
WOW Karen you did come to the right place.  My boyfriend shot himself on July 26th and died on July 30th of this year.  SOOOO many questions and absolutely no answers.  The only answers can come from him, and he's not here to answer them.  Anger, tears, love, sorrow, regret, guilt, anger, anger, anger is what I am feeling.  You are not alone, please come and post many many times.  Its almost been 2 months for me and it seems like yesterday when I said good-bye see you tonight!  I love him so and if only ........ those are words you cannot say.  IF ONLY!  He planned it and there was nothing you (I) could do.  I'm here for you and my prayers are with you and your family.

Love Terri.

9
Main / Re: Darkness......
« on: September 08, 2007, 10:12:51 PM »
I hear you Lisa, I really do.  I know the darkness, don't understand the darkness and hate the darkness.  My thoughts are with you.  You are loved!

((((((((((((LISA))))))))))))

Terri

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Main / Re: The tide comes in
« on: September 08, 2007, 10:06:56 PM »
Crushed I know exactly how you feel.  The tide coming in is a great way to express it.  Just gotta remember, it goes out just as fast.  The quiet is the hardest I think.  Even more so than the loneliness.  Because the quiet triggers the loneliness, which triggers the tears and sorrow.  But God has his way of making that tide go out just as fast as it comes in.  Praise God for your grandaughter's kiss and "I love you".  I think it was your honey putting his hand on her back and whispering "give grandma a kiss for me.  She needs one."  Bless the little children!!

My thoughts are with you always -- you always make me feel better, I hope I have made u feel a little bit better also.  Love to you - Terri

11
Main / Re: My Dad committed suicide in March
« on: September 07, 2007, 07:16:14 PM »
Dori I know what pure agony a suicide can be.  My boyfriend shot himself on July 26 and died of kidney failure on July 30.  SOOOOOOOOOOOOO many questions, and they are all unanswered.  No one is to blame, which took me a while to understand.  Its a pain within the person that is so big that they see no other way out.  His pain, as well as your dad's is gone, but ours is here.  We will heal.  And they have healed the only way they knew how.  I miss my Joe and I always will.  It has only been a little over a month for me and I can feel the healing a little.  I don't cry every time I pass his picture and sometimes I forget to light his candle.  I know exactly how your mom feels.  So many "if onlys" and "what ifs" and that three letter word "WHY"  It can consume your life!    My prayers are with you and your family.  Bless your little ones.  They will be your biggest blessing, as well as your mom's.  Lots of hugs from me.   Hug your mom real tight for me and let her know she is not alone!  None of you are, you have us on this site and of course God. 

Love,
Terri


12
Main / Re: Shocked about suicide
« on: September 07, 2007, 06:53:38 PM »
Oh Karen!  What an amazingly handsome man that little boy became.  What happened to the driver?  Just curious because such a senseless death is horrible!  Don't you just wish you could put your feet up like he has his by the fan?  Soooo cute.  Thanks for the smile, on this day.  Even though I know Joe is gone, and will never be back, I really dread the weekends because that was our time.  We went to the coast alot (I live in Oregon) and walked on the beach, gambled at a casino on the coast and just did a lot of laughing.  I miss that laugh. 

But, life does go on -- and your pictures did bring a bright smile today.  Thank you! 

Terri 

13
Recommended Grief Books / Re: Living with a suicide
« on: August 31, 2007, 06:13:08 PM »
Thank you so much TH.  I will immediately go look for it.  I cannot thank you enough.  I need it now more than ever.  Terri

14
Main / Re: Jazzgirl
« on: August 31, 2007, 06:04:41 PM »
Jazz:  Just curious how things are going?

Terri

15
Main / Re: "Call me if you need anything"
« on: August 31, 2007, 06:01:15 PM »
Yep, its the fear of your friends thinking that they are intruding.  I totally understand, and know the hurt you felt when it seemed everyone abandoned you.  You want to be alone with your grief, but then your alone, and want to be surrounded by friends.  Its a topsy turvy thing grief is.  You never know where it will take you, and you just need to ask for help.  I finally asked a friend for help in trying to understand suicide.  She was soooo happy I called her, and she told me she was afraid to call because she didn't want to intrude.  So now I call, and call, and call.   :)  And no one has called me a pest or gotten sick of hearing me talk about Joe.  Thank God for my friends, and all the people here! 

Terri

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