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Topics - shelly Tristans mom

Pages: [1] 2
1
Child Loss / Marianne, Alek's Mom
« on: February 02, 2008, 07:48:27 AM »
I have tears in my eyes and a smile on my face.

How wonderful this simple statement sounds to my grief stricken ears.

Thanks so much for sharing.

2
Child Loss / to Valerie Kyle's Mom
« on: May 17, 2007, 04:07:46 AM »
I haven't seen you here for a while. Please know that you and Kyle are in my thoughts and prayers. 

Love
Shelly, Tristan's Mom

3
Child Loss / Not a coincidence
« on: May 06, 2007, 05:54:43 AM »
I have been working like a madwomen for the last few weeks. At home trying to get spring cleaning and yard work done and at work doing inventory and getting ready for a visit from our corporate office.   Friday was an extremely busy day.  Running errands, paying bills, picking up my grandkids, laundry etc. then I had to go to work and it was Friday so I was super busy all evening. When I finally got to my nightly paperwork I was standing alone in the store closing out my drawer. All the lights where already shut off,  I was running late due to a last minute customer.  I tore the deposit slip from the register, without even looking at it, when I started to fill out the deposit slip for the bank I said out loud  519.83. Suddenly everything stopped.  I dropped the money and the checks on the floor.
THAT is TRISTAN'S birthday. Exactly.  5/19/83   I think he did this. He was telling me to slow down, take a powder. I think he has been with me and He knows I have been working myself into exhaustion and he is letting me know that he is watching out for me. 

That is just what I think.

Maybe I am just reading more into this than is really there but it just makes sense to me.

Anybody have an opinion on this??????? LOL

I believe my son is with me and this is his way to yell at me for not taking care of myself.

Love to all
Shelly, Tristan's Mom

4
Child Loss / Thank you for the B-day greetings
« on: April 18, 2007, 04:57:16 PM »
Thanks so much for the birthday greetings from everybody.

I am in the middle of inventory at work so I haven't had time to post but I did get the messages on Monday.


((((((((Hugs and Prayers to all))))))))))
Shelly, Tristan's Mom

5
Child Loss / Thank you Karen
« on: April 13, 2007, 08:19:28 PM »
Karen, I think they will be able to use the picture now. I shrank it down just a little and it cleared up too.

Thank you so much for your help.  It looks really good.

I am going to try to figure out how to post it on here.

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you
((((Hugs))))
Shelly,Tristan's Mom

6
Child Loss / I was just wondering
« on: April 12, 2007, 08:26:28 PM »
I am going to put a memoriam in the paper for Tristan's Birthday on the 19th of May. I was wondering if a revised version of my letter to him would be appropriate?? 

Please be honest if it isn't okay. I value everyone's opinion on this board.

(((((((((((Hugs to all))))))))))))))))))
Shelly, Tristan's Mom

My dear son,
 Not an hour goes by that I don't think of you. Not a day goes by that I don't smile a smile or shed some tears when you drift into my memory. How sad I feel when I see the signs of spring coming again, or hear a new song on the radio, or get exciting news from our loved ones. Sad because you are missing out on these pleasures. Sad because I am missing you. Sad that so much has happened in the past year and it has all been over shadowed by the deep sense of loss that overwhelms me everyday.
 I will treasure every memory of you forever. I will always be thankful to God that I had you for those 22 yrs, 10 months and 12 days. Thankful that you were healthy and happy and loved and that you loved in return. Thankful that the last words I spoke to you were "I love you"
I believe that God had a plan for you and I believe that you completed what he had laid out for you, I just wish he could have waited a while longer to take you back to heaven. I miss you son. Love Mom


7
Child Loss / Thanks to all who replied
« on: April 12, 2007, 08:13:12 PM »
Thanks to everybody that replied to my angry post from last night. 

I did email the photo to Karen and I will hope for the best.

(((((((((Hugs to All))))))))))))))
Shelly, Tristan's Mom

8
Child Loss / may 19
« on: April 12, 2007, 06:31:23 PM »
Tristan's 24th birthday

9
Child Loss / ARGGGGGHHH I am so MAD
« on: April 11, 2007, 11:05:53 PM »
I am pissed off at the world tonight. Not for any real reason but just mad. I am mad because I miss my son. Mad because he isn't here. Mad that people who I thought would never forget him seemed to have forgotten all about him.

I haven't heard from his girlfriend in over a month. Not even on his angel date.
I don't know why I should be upset over this. I know that life goes on for other people, it has only stopped for me. I just didn't think that it would happen in only a year. It seems like Tristan just left a short time ago. 

I am also mad at the people at the cemetery. I requested the foundation for Tristan's stone be poured over two weeks ago. This still has not been done. There has been plenty of nice weather I don't understand the hold up.  I am trying to get every done by his birthday, May 19th. I thought we could have a little ceremony but it just isn't going to happen.  His picture is going to be etched on the stone and the guy from the monument place said that my photo isn't clear enough and they can't edit the background so I have to have it fixed or get a different photo. I don't want a different photo.  Any ideas how to get the photo cleared up and erase the background???? I have tried everything in photo shop but nothing has worked. 
 
I feel like everything is working against me. I should be able to do these things and nothing is going like it is supposed to.

Isn't this supposed to get easier, softer, something??????

I am stressed and not sleeping again.

I am however thankful that this computer is functional again.

thanks for listening.

((((Hugs)))))
Shelly, Tristan's Mom

10
Child Loss / Easter Sunday Greetings
« on: April 08, 2007, 08:11:25 AM »
Hoping everyone has a peaceful  Easter Sunday.

(Hugs)
Shelly, Tristan's Mom

11
Child Loss / Dear Tristan
« on: April 07, 2007, 07:47:17 AM »
My dear son. Not an hour goes by that I don't think of you. Not a day goes by that I don't smile a smile or shed some tears when you drift into my memory. How sad I feel when I see the signs of spring coming again, hear a new song on the radio, or get some new and exciting news from our loved ones. Sad because you are missing out on these pleasures. Sad because I am missing you. Sad that so much has happened in the past year and it has all been over shadowed by the deep sense of loss that overwhelms me everyday.
 I will treasure every memory of you forever. I will always be thankful to God that I had you for those 22 yrs, 10 months and 12 days. Thankful that you were healthy and happy and loved and that you loved in return. Thankful that the last words that I spoke to you were "I love you"
I believe that God had a plan for you and I believe that you completed what he wanted you to do, I just wish he could have waited a while longer to take you back to heaven. I miss you son. Love Mom

 



12
Child Loss / Parenting Tristan's Memory
« on: March 14, 2007, 07:23:54 AM »
Yesterday was such a tough day. My job is requiring alot of my time and attention right now and I really truly welcome the distraction, but....  the drive home last night was awful.  Screaming and crying I had to pull over on a county road and  get myself together.  To much stuff jumbled up in my head. I had the strongest urge to go to the cemetary I don't know what kept me from doing it. (it is against the law here to be in there after dark)  I just wanted to be near his earthly remains.  I just wanted to be there. 

Tomorrow is clean up day at the cemetary. Today I have to go there and clean off all of the things that my family and (mostly his )friends  have left on his spot over the last 11 months and 15 days.  Flowers, angels, bracelets, urns, plaques, poems and everything else that was left for him. I hate this!!!!!

Taking care of his spot is how I can still " parent"  my child.  Keeping his memory alive is the only thing I have left now. That is my job as his parent.

(Parenting his memory) (somebody on this board said it and it stuck with me)
                                                 Thank you!!!!

My husband, Tristan's Dad, is having a really hard time. He hardly talks anymore. He stays out in the garage almost every moment he is home.  I can't help him , for heavens sake I can't help myself. Richard doesn't even say Tristan's name anymore. He just says " He" whenever he mentions Tristan.  If I am not following he gives me "the look"  and I  just know. 

This is a tough row to hoe and I don't think we are handling it very well.

Thank you to everybody who responded to my post yesterday. I want you all to know that you all give me hope and stength to go on from day to day. (Even if I can't post I read as often as possible)
Thank you.

Shelly, Tristan's Mom (brokenhearted at best)





13
Child Loss / Almost a whole year. What now???
« on: March 13, 2007, 08:18:47 AM »

I am having problems with my computer.  Sometimes it works sometimes not. My BIN is going to work on it this week so I am hoping for the best.  I have been able to read occasionally but unable to post. The screen to post won't load.

The 27th is Tristan's 1st Angel Date. I really need my computer and all of the people  (friends) on this board these next days and weeks. 

It is very weird because every day when I think about something that I was doing this time last year it always goes back to Tristan. How is it that everything is now is equated with before and after Tristan died????
 
 I really didn't think I would make it to this anniversary.  One year since I have touched, smelled, heard, seen, or hugged my son. Unbelievable!!!!!

I miss him desparately and I think about him all of the time. I usually keep myself tightly controlled and the last couple of weeks I have broken down at work,several times,  the kind of break down where I had to go hide to get myself under control.

I am angry!!!!! I have this overwhelming urge to hit something or somebody. I feel out of control sometimes.

Help!!!!







14
Child Loss / Scary Day (warning triggers) long
« on: February 13, 2007, 11:02:21 PM »
Hello All,

I had a really scary day today.  I live in Central Indiana and have been under a blizzard warning all day today. 
 
I was calling around to various family members checking on everyone early this afternoon when the somebody beeped in on my cell. It was my next oldest son letting me know that my oldest son was in the hospital because he had been hit by a truck.
Adam, (oldest son)  had stopped on his way to work to help a woman who was stuck in the snow.  As he was walking around the vehicle a black truck slid by and the fish tail of the bed hit him and knocked him back about 12 feet. The women somehow loaded my 6' 2" 200 lbs son into his car and drove him to the hospital.

He is going to be okay. He has a few broken ribs and some cuts and bruises, also a contusion on his hip (honestly I am not sure what a contusion is), and a whiplash.   

They finally released him from the hospital this evening.

When DJ called me and told me about Adam I totally freaked out. My husband had gone down the road to help our neighbor who was stuck in the snow.  I called the hospital and they said they were sorry but they couldn't tell me anything. (this is what happened when Tristan died only it was the EMT'S) 

I was home alone with 3 little kids and no way to leave and couldn't find out anything about my son.  I just freaked out. 
Finally after about 30 minutes Adam called me and said that they had told him to call me and put my mind at ease.  (I had called the hospital 4 times)
 
It was horrible. Like reliving the day that Tristan left.  I suppose that that's why I am still awake at 1:00 am knowing that I am supposed to work in the morning.
(oh well we are still under a blizzard warning maybe I won't have to work) 

I can't handle these things like I used to. I just don't have it in me now to be the "stong one" 

I felt so bad for the kids that where here with me today. They didn't know what to do and I just couldn't get myself under control. I know that they are used to seeing me cry but they are not used to seeing me completely freaking out.

I hope I haven't traumatized them more than they already are.

Hopefully, tomorrow will bring a better day than today has been.

(((((((((Hugs to all ))))))))))))
Shelly, Tristan's Mom




15
Child Loss / to Johanna
« on: January 26, 2007, 07:07:15 AM »
"Who, then, can so softly bind up the wound of another as he,
who has felt the same wound himself?"
                                    Thomas Jefferson

This is absolutely one of the most beautiful things I have ever read.
Thank you so much for sharing this quote.

(((((Hugs)))))
Shelly, Tristan's Mom

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