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Topics - Gail08

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Main / Uncle Phinios's birthday
« on: June 28, 2017, 11:39:56 PM »
Yesterday was hard as it was my uncle's birthday.  He was very special to me and I so desperately need one of his awesome hugs.  My heart aches missing him so much.  He was a very Godly person.  I will never forget him dying with his head in my hands and feeling his last heartbeat.  It hurts so much. :love9:      :tearyeyed:        :crybaby2:

Main / Needing my uncle
« on: January 24, 2017, 03:24:47 AM »
Yesterday was my Uncle Phinios' angel date.  I am missing him so much right now.  I REALLY need a hug from him right now.  I wish I could sit and talk to him about my mother.  He was the absolute best uncle.  I am so thankful that I have some very special memories of him and I will always cherish them.  I loved him so much.

Parent Loss / My Mother's birthday
« on: January 24, 2017, 03:14:33 AM »
Today is my mother's birthday.  I am trying to stay strong but it is so hard because the pain is so bad.  I miss her more than words can ever say.  She was my rock and I just feel so lost.  I am still not sure how to live without her.  It just hurts so much. Why did she have to die?   :love9:   :tearyeyed:

Main / My grandfather's birthday
« on: December 09, 2016, 07:39:13 PM »
Monday is my grandfather's birthday and I am really struggling.  Seeing him laying in his casket keeps playing over and over in my mind.  I remember touching his hand and wanting him to just sit up and take me in his arms. I need him so much right now. It hurts so bad.  I wish the pain would go away.  I need to feel his arms around me again.  He was the most gentle and loving person I have ever known I loved being with him.  I miss him SOOOOO much the pain is so unbearable.   

Suicide Loss / Does the question WHY ever go away?
« on: October 27, 2016, 03:32:46 PM »
Do you ever stop asking "Why?"  It has been a few years since my friend hung himself  and I still ask WHY?.  I can't help but wonder if I missed the signs that something was wrong.  He seemed fine.  In fact, the last time I saw him which was just hours before he ended his life, we were laughing and having fun.  He seemed very happy when we said goodby to each other.  But then just hours later he was gone.  When I found out the next morning my heart was completely broken in two. 

He helped me in ways he never realized.  He took it upon himself to help me without being asked and that meant so much.  He got me through a very difficult time and now I will never get to say Thank You to him. That is something I still struggle with.  How do you accept not being able to do something that you want to do so badly?   

Main / Today my grandfather and the 31st my grandmother
« on: October 26, 2016, 10:58:13 PM »
Today was my grandfather's angel date and the 31st will be my grandmother's. I adored my grandfather so much and I really need him right now.  I wish he was here so I could talk to him about my mother and sister.  I wish I could feel is arms around me with his comforting hugs. 

My grandmother and I were so close.  I will never forget when she moved to the same town where I lived.  I was so excited to have her so close.  When she got moved Saturdays became our day together.  I would spend the day and night at her house every Saturday and she would cook fried chicken and we would play cards and dominoes. During the summer I got to spend more days with her as well.  It was so hard to say goodby to her when she passed away.

Sibling Loss / Hurting so bad
« on: October 06, 2016, 04:25:25 PM »
October is here again and so is the extreme pain.  It will be 8 years on the 20th since I had to say goodbye to my precious sister.  It is not getting any easier.  My heart is in so much pain right now.  I am so numb.  I want her back SO BAD. 

The 26th and 31st are the angel dates of my grandpa and grandmother.  I wish my grandpa was here so I could be in his arms again.  I always felt so safe and comforted in his arms. 

I HATE this pain.  It hurts so much I just want to scream. 

Main / A hard day
« on: June 28, 2016, 09:46:30 PM »
Today was a bit hard as it is my Uncle Phinios' birthday. I just keep thinking back to the last time we sat and visited and the last hug I got from him and while I cherish those memories so much it makes me miss him so very much. I try to take comfort in knowing that he is celebrating with my mother ( his sister) and is having a great day. They were close and had a very special relationship. I would just give anything to have one more hug from him. He never said hello or goodbye without a hug. And he gave the biggest hugs. My heart is hurting so much.

Child Loss / (((((TERRY)))))
« on: January 12, 2016, 12:42:13 AM »
Am thinking of you today and keeping you close in heart and thought. May your heart find some peace in special memories of your precious son and that you make it through the day with those memories bringing comfort to your heart.  :love4:

You are in my prayers daily.


Love, Gail

Parent Loss / So much To face at once
« on: January 11, 2016, 12:37:57 AM »
Am really struggling right now as I am facing so much pain at once. My uncle's angel date is coming up and then my mother's birthday is the next day. Next month is my mother's angel date. I feel like I am going to suffocate in the pain. How do you keep breathing when when you feel like everything is closing in on you? I just miss my mother and uncle so much and would give anything to have them back. I find myself asking over and over, "Why did they have to die?"

Main / My Grandfather
« on: December 12, 2015, 10:57:44 PM »
Missing my grandfather so much today as it is his birthday. I loved him so much but am trying to find peace that he is with my mother now. She was very special to him and he to her so I know they are both happy and at peace now.He was a very special person and I miss him so very much.  Just wish it didn't hurt so much but it does. I wish the pain would stop.

Main / Missing my grandfather
« on: October 26, 2015, 01:22:28 PM »
Am missing my grandfather so much today. He was such an amazing man. He was the most gentle person. I will never forget how it felt to be in his arms. I would give anything to be able to feel his arms around me again. I loved him so very much. Why does it have to hurt so much? My only comfort is that my mother is with him now. I just want to see him again so badly. I just wish the pain would go away.

Sibling Loss / Jolene's birthday
« on: July 08, 2015, 10:41:21 PM »
Am needing prayers for strength to get through this month and extra prayers to get through the 9th which is Jolene's birthday. I would give anything to be able to get her a special gift or treat her to a day on the town again. We had so much fun surprising and treating each other for our birthdays.

The loss still hurts so much. I wish the pain would go away. I hate this pain. My heart hurts so much that it is so numb. I still wonder if there was something I could have done or said to get her to get help. I came so close one time and I ask over and over what did I do or not do that kept her from getting help. Will the guilt ever go away?

Sibling Loss / National Sibling Day
« on: April 10, 2015, 03:45:49 PM »
Am missing Jolene so much today as it is National Sibling Day.  I was so blessed to have had her for a sibling.  I always told her that she was the best sister in the world and she always told me the same thing.  The time we had together is so very precious to me.  I will forever cherish every second of it. I would give anything to have one more day with her.     

Main / My grandmother's birthday
« on: April 09, 2015, 03:28:48 PM »
Sunday is my grandmother's birthday.  I am missing her so much right now and hurting so badly.  I would give anything to have one more Saturday with her to do what we used to do.  For 15 years I would go to her house on Saturday morning to spend the day and the night with her.  We would fry chicken together for lunch and then we would play games while we listened to music.  Those are memories that I will always cherish.

When we knew she was going to the nursing home I stayed with her the last five days and nights that she was at her home.  I will never forget how we seemed to have extra fun those five days. It was during those 5 days that she told me that she wanted me to have a doll of hers that she was so proud of and loved so much.  She had other granddaughters that she could have given it to but she chose me and I will always be so proud of that doll. 

It just hurts so much to know that we will never get to spend another Saturday together. She will have been gone 17 years come October and it still hurts so bad.  Sometimes I wonder if the pain will ever lessen.

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