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Topics - Niss

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Main / really missing her
« on: August 23, 2008, 08:25:29 AM »
I am really missing my mom this week. She was, despite all the negative, my best friend. I have lost the one person I could talk to and be open and honest with about everything.
We found out that there is like a 90% chance that my husband is going to be out of a job come january 1st. And more than likely we will lose our house because we cannot maintain all of our bills with unemployment. :(
And on top of this, one of my mom's cousins committed suicide this week.
I just feel like i am in a tailspin. Emotionally, I am doing ok, but not sure for how much longer.....

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Main / Thought I was doing ok....
« on: June 23, 2008, 02:04:10 PM »
So, as many of you know, I lost my mom the end of last July, and found out I was pregnant about three months later. I am a week away from my induction date (I have gestational diabetes, so they are inducing me) and it's all hitting me. I am realizing that my mom will not be there physically at least for the birth of my daughter, and that she will not get to see her or hold her. I have cried myself to sleep every night since finding out the date of my induction. With my first daughter, I was so excited and ready at this point, and with this one I feel like i have no energy and nothing is ready....I don't have the baby's room ready or the house. I feel like I have very little for the baby (partly due to my husband being laid off  off and on for the last four months). And then I find out my dad will probably not be there for the birth either....he is a physician and is scheduled to work at an urgent care that day...I feel like no one in my family will be there...I had been doing so good with mom's passing for the last few months....I made it through so many firsts and was okay, I thought the worst was over....not that I don't miss her terribly, but I was coming to terms with her not being here for holiday's and birthdays....but this is a once in a life time thing!!!!

Sorry to write a novel on here, but I feel like I am all alone right now....I am scared to go through this without my mom there! It feels better just getting this all out...my poor husband thinks I am a wreck because all I do is cry at night...I am so worried about bills and his job and everything right now. I was doing ok when he got called back to work, but he only went back for 3 weeks and is laid back off for a month and come september, might not have a job at all. I have prayed so hard for a light at the end of the tunnel, but that tunnel seems to grow longer every day.

Anissa

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Main / I should be happy....
« on: November 03, 2007, 07:22:11 PM »
Okay, so I got the greatest news in the world today....I found out I am finally pregnant! (we have been trying for almost a year) But all I could do was cry. My mom would have been one of the people I called tonight, and I can't call and tell her. My birthday is Tuesday and her three month angel date was the 28th. My hubby had surgery on the 29th. I am a wreck right now for so many reasons. I just want my mom! She was supposted to be here for the birth of my children. She was here for my daughter's birth, and I really want her here for this one too. I know she is with me in spirit, but it's just not the same. She really wanted me to have another child. She knew about our problems with getting pregnant the whole time she was in the hospital and nursing home. I just miss her so much. Especially with thanksgiving and christmas around the corner. :'(

Sorry if I seem like I am rambling....I just feel like I don't know which way to turn! ???

Anissa

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Main / Loss of my mother
« on: September 11, 2007, 04:13:24 PM »
Hello to everyone. I am new to this board, but am very glad to find a place with people who can relate to what I am feeling. My mother passed away July 28, 2007 at the age of 48. I am 26 with a husband and a 3 year old.
My mom had been an alcoholic for 18+ years. She was taken to the ER in march and put in ICU within a few days of being admitted. She suffered from cirosis (not sure if I spelled it right) of the liver and was given 5-6 months to live. She recovered enough that she was sent to a nursing home where she lived her final month or so. I just feel so lost and confused. Everything happened so quickly. I guess in a sense I was lucky that I was able to tell her goodbye and to let her know how much I would always love her and miss her. But, it was also really hard to see her like that....and the fear that when I left, she might not survive until my next visit. I live about an hour away from where she was hospitalized and her nursing home.

I lose my temper very easily now and tend to snap at my husband for no good reason. I also have a very short temper with my daughter. I just feel so alone in the world right now. I have cried so much and have had pain like i have never experienced before. I have lost other members of my family, but never experienced the pain like this. I know that my mother was not the best mother she could or should have been, but she was still my mother. And I miss her horribly. My daughter started dance classes this week and I wanted to call my mom and tell her how cute she looked in her little leotard and tights. There have been too many times where I have picked up the phone to call only to realize she is no longer here with me. I have so much anger with her for basically killing herself. We used to fight something horribly about her drinking. The bottle mattered more to her than anything else. She brought her bottle with her to my wedding. She showed up to the delivery room drunk when I was having my daughter. I want my mother back. The one who I used to know....before she began drinking.

I know this is kinda rambling...but it really helped just to get it all out....

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