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Messages - JustMark

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LeeB1 I am very sorry to hear about your loos. We never really are ever sure of the reasons and some of them do everything they can to insure they they aren't showing signs or leaving clues because they know if they do someone may figure out their plans and would try to stop them. I can only imagine your daughter is devastated. Try to make sure you are taking care of yourself and also your daughter. It will ease up but it will take time and it sounds like you already understand this. There isn't much I can say that will make it go away or seem easier. What helped me after my wife died was keeping myself busy. I don't know much about the situation as this is your first post in here and there is very little information to help me understand some of the background. So in this situation I may not be a good talker or advisor but if it helps I'm most definitely a good listener. From my being a vet and being around other vets and active duty I do understand. and know what it's like for the families and friends that they leave behind.

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Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Introductions thread
« on: May 11, 2018, 02:54:18 AM »
Hi robn375, welcome to webhealing. In dealing with my loss I have found this site helpful. None of us are experts on greif but we share things that have helped with others and get advice from others as well. So don't be afraid of talking about something that bothers you. We are about as non judgemental as they come.

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Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Starting my journey
« on: May 03, 2018, 10:58:01 PM »
Hi Teres, I'm sorry about your husband. I started coming here about a year ago just after my wife passed and I have found it helpful in here. Sometimes it may seem like no one is around and other times it seems someone is giving you an answer or advice just after you finish. There is really no specific way it works. You either post something your having a problem in adjusting to the loss of a loved one or something that is on your mind and as members come and go someone that either can relate or went through something similar will post a response. Sometimes it will be advice on things that worked for them and helped them other times it's just helpful knowing you not alone with the issue. I have found it helpful in dealing with the loss of my wife just by reaching out to talk or try to help others. There is no magical answer  to a problem and none of us are experts at what we are going through. We aren't judgemental as we all know none of us are any smarter or better or have all the answers. Probably just opening up is the most important thing and a lot of us learn it's ok just to listen and being judgemental would kill that openness. None of us really keep a set schedule I typically come here once a week but this last month I've had a rash of Dr appointments and things breaking at my house.   

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Thank you Terry and Veronica, I'm not the author. It was marked author unknown. I ran across several that were nice but this one seemed to be good for Tunnie and all I did was change a very few words to indicate she instead of he and put in Tunnie's breed. With every pet that passes I search for a poem that is suited for the personality of each one and save it in a folder on my hard drive where I keep pictures and videos of them. Even Tippy my first dog that was a pup given to me when I was 10 years old. In dealing with Gina's death and what seemed like an empty home at times. Tunnie helped me the most. The nights that I would cry Tunnie would climb up in bed and ever so gently put her paw on my shoulder and give me that look like "it's going to be OK" and then sit there until I drifted off to sleep.

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Main / Re: My Mom
« on: May 03, 2018, 09:32:18 PM »
Thank you Irene, I understand. This August will mark 17 years since my father passed and there isn't a day go by I don't think of him or a memory he and I shared doing stuff together. Much like you and your mom. I came here with the passing of my wife last year and have gotten support not only with her passing but also trying to offer help to those in dealing with the passing of their parent. In doing so I have found sometimes when giving advice I receive benefit as well. You mentioned it has been a while since you were here so thank you for stopping in and sharing.It helps you remember your mom and me remembering my dad.

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Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: 10 months
« on: April 13, 2018, 06:24:56 PM »
Hi Raven, we understood any info you found out was not going to bring Jim back. Lukily they admitted they did something wrong and will try to make corrections to prevent it from happening to others. I know it isn't that comforting. Some hospitals wouldn't acknowledge that much. For me it's just a little over a year and I exactly haven't settled into a new normal either. All we can do is take it just one day at a time. I, myself sill haven't been able to get back on track with some things as far as a routine. I know sometimes it seems like we don't make any progress, but in reality we do. Sometimes it's because we are looking for accomplishing the bigger things when we should be looking for little things. Anyway I stopped in today to see how you were doing as I know it's Jim's anniversary.

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A Special Place for Tunnie

You have a special place Dear Lord
  that I know you'll always keep
A special place reserved for dogs
  when they quietly fall asleep
With large and airy kennels
  and a yard for hiding bones
With maybe a little babbling creek
  that chatters over stones.
With wide green fields and flowers
  for those who never knew
about running freely under
  Your sky of perfect blue.
Lord, I know You keep this Special Place
  And so to you I Pray,
For one Special Fila Mastiff
  Who quietly died today
She was full of strength & love
  and so very, very wise.
The puppy look she once had
  Had long since left her eyes.
She is dearly missed my Lord
  By a very good friend of mine.
She went to join her ancestors
  To Your land that is Devine
So, speak to Tunnie softly please
  And give her a warm hello.
She's a Special gift to you Dear Lord
  From Mark, who loved her so.

5 May 2009 2 April 2018     

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We should never underestimate the emotional, physical, spiritual and therapeutic value of a pet in helping us deal with the loss of a loved one. This thread is dedicated as a memorial to those of us that were comforted, motivated or in some other way helped us deal with our greif. Sometimes we may also forget that they too can experience grief and loss as well. For some of us they are very much an integral part of our family and others their most trusted friend. So with discussing the recent loss of one of my dogs to cancer who helped me cope with the loss of my wife with other members we felt it a good idea to have a thread to memorialize our pets. So I'll make the first post and we invite others to post about their pets as well.

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Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: How is Clapton doing Terry?
« on: April 04, 2018, 11:24:11 PM »
Thank you Mousewife and Terry, I'll start a thread after I either find a nice poem or something online or just type something eventhough it has been years since I did poetry. I'll probably start one on the main board where everyone can find it instead of searching all over the place. Terry after I start it you can always move it or pin it where you think it should go.

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Parent Loss / Re: My momma, the love of my life, my sky, gone thursday
« on: April 02, 2018, 02:03:35 PM »
Hi Maviles, I'm sorry to hear about your mom. She sounds like she was a very special woman. I understand and can relate and this is a life changing event for you and your family. You can adjust to it but it does take long time and sometimes it can be rough. You and your brother may find that this will bring both of you closer to your father. Anyway welcome to Webhealing. I have found it quite helpful. All of us here aren't experts at dealing with grief. We just come hear to both give and receive advice on what worked for us from our experience. It doesn't mean everything we have tried works for everyone. Just that what helped one person may help someone else as we have either already been where different some people are at or going to be at point in the future where someone else has been.     

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Spouse, Partner Loss / How is Clapton doing Terry?
« on: April 02, 2018, 01:17:23 PM »
This morning I was at the vet with Tunnie as it was time for her to join Gina, Sarge, Dainy and Dillinger, one of her brothers and sitting in the waiting area I remembered  you had posted it being touch and go with Clapton's arthritis so I was wondering how he was doing? I also was wondering if maybe we could start a thread or section for pets? I know for me the dogs really helped me with dealing with Gina's loss. I also realize not everyone has service dogs but I'm sure you will agree they are very therapeutic for helping with grief and loss.

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Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Death of My Spouse
« on: March 20, 2018, 07:29:56 PM »
Hi Caspercat, sorry to hear about your husband. It's hard watching someone you love deteriorate. I know from caring for my disabled wife Gina the last 2 years she was with me and what my dad went trough before he passed in 2001. Even though you know the inevitable out come, you really are still unprepared. Those waves will hit you for a while. I still have my moments and Gina has now been gone a year. Keeping your self busy does help quite a bit. Make shure you are eating and taking care of yourself. You may also find it helpful to get a hobby. When Gina and I first met I played bass in the churches music ministry. Gina asked me why I didn't play lead and I explained I never had an electric 6 string nor ever took the time to learn. So she bought me a Fender Tele for Christmas 2014. I played it during Christmas break but to protect it while I was finishing rehabbing our home  She knew I always wanted one and told me it was time to learn. The guys I hired came back after the Christmas break so I had put it away until I finished our new office in the basement and had the room to set things up. Well in April 2015 she had surgery for her knee but while she was still recuperating in the hospital, the night before she was scheduled to leave she lost the use of her arm. So when we finally got her home I was also busy caring for her as well as continuing on the house. So time went on and March of last year she passed. I regretted that she didn't get to see the house complete or me play the guitar after I had put it up. So April of last year I couldn't get motivated to work on the house but I did dig out that guitar and signed up for classes. Other then a two to three month break for surgery on my back I've been taking care of the house and continuing to practice and relearn guitar. It has helped me quite a bit as there are times when I am playing it I sort of sense she stops in to listen and check on me.  So if you did any hobbies years ago now would be a good time to get back into them.

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Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Hi Mark
« on: March 16, 2018, 10:39:42 PM »
Thank you Mousewife and Raven, as far as my health the Gabapentin and PT are really doing the trick. I haven't experienced any more pain this last month and I been doing the PT exercises at home now. Tunnie is a different story though she is starting to slack off on eating. Skipping meals and when she does eat it's only about half of what she eat and Sox and Two Toez takes turns laying on the floor by her bed to alert me. Two Toes offered her his favorite chewy. So there isn't much more I can do for her so I'll finalize the arrangements with the vet for the beginning half of next week. I have picked up my guitar and gotten back into daily practice. I also got another guitar. A hollow body so I can learn some styles of blues and jazz. I didn't practice today though. My heart wasn't in it as it's Gina's anniversary. It's now been a year. As I look back one minute it seems like I've done a lot and the next I wonder if I did anything at all last year.You wonder where the time went and then realize how many times it seemed to drag on. I still feel a sense at times that things are going to be ok. I catch Tunnie looking off like she sees, hears or senses something. She will suddenly lift her head and look up in the direction of the hallway or the other side of the room and once in a while she will howl like we all used to do when Gina and Sarge were still here.

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Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: 10 months
« on: March 16, 2018, 09:55:00 PM »
Hi Raven, I'm hoping with you getting results I hope it answers some questions and perhaps bring you some closure. It would have driven me nuts if I had questions of what happened with Gina on my mind. It was like that for me and my brothers with my dad when he died. We never got any answers. We had suggested it but my mom didn't want it investigated. I'm not sure why maybe she felt my dad had suffered and poked and prodded enough his last couple years. Maybe like you had mentioned my mom didn't want to relive my dad's episode either. My mom had rode in the ambulance with dad to the er. I was the first one mom called after dad died. So maybe she didn't want to relive it. Anyway I'm on standby if you need someone to talk to and I'll pray for God's help you tonight.

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Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Introductions thread
« on: March 07, 2018, 10:33:10 AM »
Hi Kim61,

I know those treatments that Richard went through were rough and I'm sure he was thankful to have someone like you to be by his side as he went through them. Gina and I are both disabled but when we first met we weren't aware I had anything more then depression and on back on my way to living a normal life. Gina had suffered years with a ventral hernia that 10 surgical attempts at repair were unsuccessful when we met in December of 2006. We got married in 2009 after my physical disabilities developed from past injuries I suffered while in the Army and later from working around industrial machinery. From when we had met and even after we got married we lost count of the number of er visits for the problems with her stomach. In spring of 2015 Gina had a successful knee replacement surgery and somehow or other while she was still recuperating the night they before they were going to release her she ended up with brachial plexis and lost the use of her right arm. so I cared for her for the remainder of her life for almost two years. Just after we lost Sarge our first Service dog and father of a special litter of pups we had, Gina started going down hill fast for her last 6 months. Then in March last year she died of heart attach.

For both of us it was our 2nd marriage and from the time we dated and after we married we were together just a little more then 10 years. We were inseparable from the beginning and we each treasured the time we had together. We always understood she would most likely go first and the last two years we had a lot of those heart to heart talks.

So even though we prepare for the inevitable as in your case and mine. It still hurts like hell when they go. It's been almost a year but there are still times a lot of memories flood my head and I get lost in thought. It's ok when it does happen as a vast majority of them are happy and pleasurable. The house is still filled with a lot of things that were Gina's that I don't use or have a need for as I haven't had it in me yet to get them to places they could be used. The only things I have gotten out of the house that belonged to Gina were her cloths and shoes. I sort of been holding off until I had more healing under my belt. It wasn't until just this last month I took of my wedding band and placed it in her jewelry box with hers.

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