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Messages - RobbieR

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Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Facing some of the biggest challenges
« on: January 24, 2014, 06:28:18 PM »
Your story is very uplifting Diane. I have never been much of a "negotiator" so I have never really enjoyed buying cars for the family. Lucky for me , Anne was pretty good at it. Ha, she even won a new Nissan Murano back in 2005 in a drawing by the bank she worked for. She was good with handling all sorts of financial matters. Now I'm having to "re learn" so much. I enjoy reading your stories and I am glad you all have good safe vehicles to drive. Now you have me wanting to dust off my "Frampton Comes Alive" album and listen to "Do you Feel Like We Do".

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Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Hello 2014
« on: January 20, 2014, 08:32:38 AM »
Hi Arthur, It has been real quiet on this forum lately. I am sorry to hear that you still have a lot of pain with your shoulder. I guess something like that does take a long time to heal. I have always heard that shoulders were difficult. It is great that you are still dating your lady friend. I think that one day that will be good for me because I hate being alone so much. I have my daughter around a lot and it is great but not the same. I know about certain events that remind us of good times with our spouses. I see the valentines day stuff in the stores now and I just want to avoid it. Happy people on facebook talking about valentines day as well. I still have a lot of good support at church. When they ask me how I am, I am honest with them. They may be avoiding me soon. Today is rough for me for some reason. I am coming up on 3 months this week and it still hurts really bad sometimes. Probably always will.  God Bless   Robbie

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Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: just quite
« on: January 08, 2014, 09:10:16 PM »
Hello, I had a nice Christmas especially being the first one without Anne. Having a lot of family around helped a lot. It didn't hit me til New Year's Day. I went for a short motorcycle ride with my neighbor which brought me down because Anne loved to ride and I missed my riding partner. When I got home my daughter was loading up her car headed to her home. She had been here most of the holiday week with me. I never felt so lonely in my life! And to think I used to complain to Anne because the house seemed so empty when company would leave. Little did I know...

Rough start to the year but it's only been 11 weeks today. Still hanging in there though. I hope you find the new you jbryant. God Bless.

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Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Wishes for you all
« on: December 23, 2013, 07:18:00 AM »
Terry, I wish the same for you. I have already been disappointed once on Saturday. We went to the annual Christmas get together by Anne's dad's side of the family. I was hoping for some healing but the absence of her name being mentioned seemed wrong to me. Christmas Eve we are having the other gang to our house. Anne's mom and stepdad, 2 sisters and brother and their families, along with our kids and spouses. My daughter and I decided we wanted to continue this tradition in honor of Anne. I hope it goes well.

Merry Christmas
Robbie

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Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: My best friend's daughter wrote me a song
« on: December 23, 2013, 07:06:13 AM »
Thank you for sharing this song Diane. Sitting here by my Christmas tree and getting a tear in my eye.
That's a beautiful gift.

Robbie

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Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: MY GIRLFRIEND'S MOM
« on: December 22, 2013, 11:25:12 AM »
Lisa, I think it is so nice for you to show support for your friend and her family in their time of great loss. You can be a source of strength for others with the experiences you have been through yourself. It is obvious they were appreciative of you with all the hugs.

I have always avoided funerals every way I could. Anything other than family I would have an excuse. I hope that through my loss of Anne that maybe I can become a source of strength for others too.

Thanks for sharing
Robbie

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Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: THREATEN ME WITH HEAVEN BY VINCE GILL
« on: December 18, 2013, 10:23:21 PM »
Hi Lisa, I watched this video and the song touched me in a way that brought a (Robbie Smile, as Anne would call it) to my face. Anne and I have been big Vince Gill fans since the 90's. We had front row seats to a concert of his here in Jackson MS. I had never heard this song before. I even have downloaded the studio version to the Iphone. Anyway I just wanted to thank you for sharing it. It truly made my day.

Lots of hugs to you (((((Lisa)))))

Robbie

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Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Cruel Irony
« on: December 16, 2013, 02:16:13 PM »
Thanks for sharing that Mark. It has only been 8 weeks since my wife Anne passed away. I hope that over time I will become more like what you have described. I was 21 when we were married and for 35 years she made me a better person. I tell people sometimes that when I grow up I want to be just like Anne!

Hope you have a great Christmas and New years too.

Robbie

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Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Oh I miss My Lou
« on: December 14, 2013, 03:27:09 PM »
Lisa
I hope your day has gotten much better. I have had a lousy 2 or 3 days myself. I can't get Anne out of my mind. I keep thinking of her precious heart and the silly fun things we did for each other. As my son likes to say, we were living the dream. I think it's so good we have the memories. Even though it hurts, it shows how much love is still there. As you said, we have them with us.

(((((Lisa)))))

Robbie.

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Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: New Member. Getting Lonely
« on: December 12, 2013, 09:58:47 PM »
Debbie, I am sorry for your loss. It is so good to be able to say things to others that understand how it feels to be in this position. No matter how good my day goes, I still have nothing to look forward to. Today I stopped by the gym for the first time in a while. It felt good and kind of normal. Then leaving I had to pass by the bank where Anne worked and all I could see was her bright smile coming out the door for one of our occasional lunch dates. My heart broke again. Then on to the house. It wasn't too bad. My daughter was staying the night so she could make Christmas candy. Nice to have her here. She makes candy like her mom!

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Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Hugs to all for the coming holiday
« on: December 11, 2013, 01:05:11 PM »
Hey Diane, I read your blog and I thought it was very nice. I really understand what you mean about not having your husband to complain to. Talking to the dog and cat about my bad day at work is not helping. This is my very first Thanksgiving and Christmas without Anne. We went to the beach for Thanksgiving which is what we always did. It was very bittersweet. Christmas decorations are up just the way she would have done it. Thanks to my sweet daughter. I can feel her warmth. I say bring Christmas on too!

Here's a hug from me as well   (((((((Diane)))))))

Robbie

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Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: Missing Judy..
« on: December 11, 2013, 10:42:42 AM »
Hey Dave, I haven't been going through my journey as long as you but I know what you mean already. Pretty much everyone that I know has their significant PERSON in their life still. This is just the 7th week anniversary for me. I will be happy when I can lose track of weeks and just focus on months. Right now its just to soon. I don't guess there are any good answers for the lack of conversation. Anyone that has not been through the loss of a spouse will NEVER understand even if they try. Our loved ones were so much more than a wife/husband. Now you have a new friend with me and I will converse anytime you want.


Robbie

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Spouse, Partner Loss / Re: New Member. Getting Lonely
« on: December 11, 2013, 10:29:05 AM »
Thank you all for your heartfelt reply's. One thing that seems to help me the most is to talk about Anne to others. Some of her close friends allow me to do that because they seem to like talking about her. I also enjoy reading the stories of others. It makes me feel not so alone to know there are so many going through the same process. This place gives me both. I started a journal the day she passed away and have kept it going every day since. That has helped me in a big way. Its kinda like talking to someone about my feelings at the time.

Dave- Our stories are similar. 52 seems so young these days. I am 55 and still enjoy physical activities I have done for years such as tennis and backpacking. I hope I feel like doing them again one day. Right now its just going through the motions like you said one day at a time.

Terry- I have tried going to the gym a few times and it helps. I want to take care of myself. At first I just didn't care

Mousewife- This is a very hard time of year because Anne loved it so much. I feel as though I should push through it with as many Robbie Smiles as I can because thats what she wants from me. Her stocking is up too with me and the kids. I am sorry you had to deal with cancer like me. I was always one of the ones that thought that happened to "the other guy"  You can pray for me anytime. I welcome all prayers.

Browneyedgirl-I see where you lost Tony at such a young age. Thank you for being there for me.

Diane- I see your husband was 52 as well. I thank you for the strength and hugs. I do cry some everyday. It really helps. I don't see how anyone could hold it in and make it.

Lisa- Wow, another 52 year old. It sounds like your Lou IS very special.I know Anne is with me everyday. I see unique cloud formations and think of her. She loved that. I feel her warmth in our home too. So far it has been a real up and down ride and I don't expect it will change. I am fortunate to have such a special family around me. My wife thought my daughter was like me. I'm not the strongest person when it comes to tough times. She has come through in an amazing way. She even looks like her mom. I know Anne will always be with me, and hearing that after time I will see some light makes me happy. Thank you for the peace, hope, faith and love.

I too am sorry for the loss that each of you has had to endure. Maybe soon I will be able to write something for some of you that will make your day better like you have mine.

To a better tomorrow
Robbie



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Spouse, Partner Loss / New Member. Getting Lonely
« on: December 09, 2013, 09:37:37 PM »
Hello, I have been reading some of the posts here for a few days and finally decided to join. About 7 weeks ago I lost the love of my life (Anne) to colon cancer. She was 52. We were married in June 1979. She was 17 and I was 21. We practically raised each other. We have a son (Bobby) age 32 and daughter (Erin) age 30. Also a 2 year old grandson (Davis). My wife worked at a local bank as a loan assistant.

Anne was the bravest person I have ever known. For 16 months she fought the disease with an amazing positive attitude. Through 2 surgeries, months of chemo and 2 rounds if radiation, she never gave up because of her love for her family. She worked up until 5 weeks before she passed away. She wanted to live our lives as normal as possible. For over 34 years of marriage I could not have been happier. She wanted to get better so we could take Davis hiking in the mountains one day.

After almost 7 weeks have passed and I guess I have been doing about as well as I possibly could considering everything. I think that is due to my faith in God and a lot of good friends that text me and call often. Unfortunately, a lot of my support team may be moving on without me. I am not mad at anyone because they just don't get it. I used to be like that myself. When I wake up I am sad and the tears come when I pass by the bank. I can't even go in there. Coming home to an empty house after work is bad too. I leave lights on so it is not dark. No more hot meals on the table and no more " how was your day sweetie". I'm just so lonely right now. Today I was having a bad day at work ( they don't get it either). I wanted to call Anne for advice. She was my biggest fan. I believe I can make it through this pain eventually but I need reinforcements. That's why I am here.    Robbie

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