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Messages - Dena

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1
Child Loss / Hi Everyone!
« on: June 10, 2015, 03:03:11 PM »
Hi everyone!  It saddens me to see so many new names here.  I haven't been on in a while as my life has been filled with changes lately. I changed jobs and I now work in a factory.  I also decided that my weight was slowly doing me in, so I joined Weight Watchers and dropped 98 lbs in a year (yes, I feel much better and still have a little way to go), and I just registered to return to college (my employer pays towards it) to finish up my Bachelors degree and prepare for a Masters in Social Work. I was actively in college at the time Josh died, going for a degree in Psychology.  When he died, I said to myself "If I can't help myself  - how would I be able to help others?" So I dropped out. know that one day, I would return and finish what I had started.  My desire to to be able to help families who have lost a child and I know Josh would be my biggest supporter in that.  Ironically, I am doing my degree online this time with the help of a professor/mentor.  It turns out he was a grief therapist for Hospice AND when I mentioned Tom's name to him, his eyes lit right up and he named his books and said he is fantastic! So I let him know that I used to Admin this site and found that talking and posting here was very helpful. I signed up for Child Development first, knowing that eventually, I will face Death and Dying and Grief courses.  It concerns me a bit, but I know I will get through them and hopefully, I will be in a position to tell a grieving parent one day "I know what you are going through - I too, have lost a child".  That is the one thing I noticed quickly about our crisis counselor.  She had no idea of what we were feeling because she had never experienced that loss. 

If there is one thing I can say to all of the new parents here, it would be to take time for YOU.  Your grief is unique and will require every ounce of you.  Walk slowly and don't let anyone give you a timeline. In time, your grief will "soften". This is a new journey you are on and there are no maps to guide you.  Lean on each other and know that you are never alone.  On August 7th of this year, it will be 16 years since I last heard my son's voice or his laughter, yet in my heart, I hear him everyday.

Much love to all of you,
Dena, Josh's Mom

2
Child Loss / Josh's Angel Day
« on: August 07, 2013, 07:06:09 AM »
Hi Everyone - I have not been on in a long time. Today is Josh's 14th Angel Day -he has been gone the same amount of years he lived.  It has been a very bittersweet day for us so far.  Since I haven't been here, I have been on a personal journey to regain my health.  When Josh died, I began eating food for comfort and I finally stopped last year when I realized that if I kept going, I probably would not survive it.  One year from that point, I am a member of Weight Watchers and a member of a gym.  Now instead of eating frustration and sadness, I work it out. In the early 90's, Josh was my biggest cheerleader the first time I lost all my weight.  Now I think he is once again, as he watches over me from above.

I hope everyone is well (as well as you can be) and I am so sorry for all of your losses. 

Love,
Dena, Josh's Mom

3
Child Loss / Re: Our Don has died
« on: August 07, 2013, 07:02:26 AM »
I just logged back on this morning after a long time "off" and needless to say, I am so saddened to hear that Don is gone.  He was always such a kind person and I know how much he missed his beloved wife and son. 

Dena, Josh's Mom

4
Child Loss / Re: Happy Heavenly Birthday, Joshua ((((( Dena )))))
« on: August 20, 2011, 07:33:32 AM »
Thank you Terry - It is SO hard to imagine Josh at 27....

Love,
Dena, Josh's Mom

5
Child Loss / Re: Misti Rose ((((( Dena )))))
« on: August 15, 2011, 12:57:10 AM »
Thank you (((((Nancy))))


Love,
Dena, Josh's Mom

6
Child Loss / Re: Joshua's Angel Date ((((( Dena )))))
« on: August 07, 2011, 09:53:52 AM »
(((Paula)))

While it "softens" with time, Angel Days and Birthdays and all those special occasions bring it right back to the present.  I can remember a time when my year began & ended on August 7th. 

Love,
Dena, Josh's Mom

7
Child Loss / Re: Joshua's Angel Date ((((( Dena )))))
« on: August 07, 2011, 04:31:46 AM »
Thank you.  It is hard to believe that it has been 12 years, but some days, it feels like no time has passed at all and today is one of them.

Love,
Dena, Josh's Mom

8
Child Loss / Re: Misti Rose ((((( Dena )))))
« on: August 06, 2011, 06:43:10 PM »
Thank you everyone for thinking of us.  July and August are by far the hardest months of the year.

Love,
Dena, Josh's Mom

9
Child Loss / Hi Everyone!
« on: February 18, 2011, 07:20:28 PM »
To those new to this journey - I am so sorry that you have to be here.  I have been away for a little while, a much needed break to settle into a new job, deal with an empty nest, and help my husband through some health issues.  Tonight, I found myself blind sided and tongue tied.  A friend of mine has lost a very dear friend to suicide.  I gave her the link to the board in hopes that she might find some support.  It is times like these that I wish so badly that I could find the right words to help comfort her and at the same time, knowing that there are no right words right now.

The death of my son changed me in so many ways.  I became very sensitive to the feelings and pain of others who also walk this journey in one way or another. 

During my break, we came to terms with the loss of my 31 year old niece to breast cancer, the near loss of my childhood friends 30 year old due to a tumor near her pituitary gland and the loss of 2 of my Aunts to lung cancer.  I ask myself "does it ever end?"  Of course it doesn't. 

In August, it will be 12 years since I last heard my son's laughter and saw his smile.  He was 14 then - 13 days short of his 15th birthday when we woke up to a police detective and coroner banging on our door to tell us that our son had been killed in a boating accident.  Our lives changed forever in an instant.  As my friend Judy would say  - in time, it will soften, but it is always there -  and it is forever there.

I am facing some health issues of my own these days - a scare is what you can call it and it has forced me to take a look and re-focus on what I hope to achieve and learn and do with my life. 

I am sorry for the birthdays and Angel days that I have missed, but I have never forgotten your beautiful children. I remember their names & faces in my thoughts every single day.

Love,
Dena, Josh's Mom

10
Child Loss / Re: Where is everyone from?
« on: February 18, 2011, 07:07:12 PM »
Tonawanda, NY - just north of Buffalo.  As Josh would say - home of the Buffalo Bills & the Buffalo Sabres and the worlds best chicken wings and roast beef on weck!

Love,
Dena, Josh's Mom

11
Child Loss / Re: (((Terry))) Jeff's Birthday
« on: February 18, 2011, 07:04:37 PM »
(((Terry)))

I wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you & remembering your Jeff on his birthday.

Love,
Dena, Josh's Mom

12
Child Loss / Holiday Wishes
« on: December 25, 2010, 06:20:34 AM »
Wishing everyone here a peaceful holiday, filled with warm & loving memories of our precious Angels.  For those new to our journey, I hope your day is calm and your Angels send you a sign to let you know that they are always with us. Hold tight to the happier memories as they will carry you along.

Love,
Dena, Josh's Mom

13
Child Loss / Re: Happy Heavenly Birthday, Joshua ((((( Dena )))))
« on: August 20, 2010, 06:55:25 AM »
Thank you Rebecca -

It has been a rough day so far. I have to work so that makes it a little more complicated.  Hard to imagine Josh at 26.  At 14 he a little taller than me (I'm 5'7").  I just miss him so much - sometimes it is overwhelming.

Love,
Dena, Josh's Mom

14
Child Loss / Re: Happy Heavenly Birthday, Joshua ((((( Dena )))))
« on: August 20, 2010, 12:54:32 AM »
Thank you Terry!

I was wide awake at 3am just remembering 26 years ago when the most wonderful boy in the world entered my life. 

Love,
Dena, Josh's Mom

15
Child Loss / Re: Happy Heavenly Birthday, Jason ((((( LaVonne )))))
« on: August 16, 2010, 12:04:26 PM »
Happy Heavenly Birthday Jason!  Please send your Mom a sign to let her know that you are always near.

((((LaVonne))))

Thinking of you & remembering you handsome Jason on his Birthday.

Love,
Dena, Josh's Mom

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