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Messages - Egggirl

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Main / Re: He died 12-21-08 and I still can't believe it
« on: January 23, 2009, 04:33:55 PM »
I'm so sorry you were in such an isolating circumstance when he died. How horrible for you. My sister was in Peace Corps in Morocco for two years and felt extremely isolated, even though there was no trauma going on for her.

Regarding your guilt about not being at the hospital that night, I think that sometimes people wait to die until their loved ones are not around, so as to protect them somehow. It has happened three times in my family that the youngest sister (my aunt) had just left, or was on her way back, and missed the moment of death. We think they (my grandparents and my other aunt) were trying to protect her, the baby of the family ... even though she was in her 40s and 50s at the time.

Peace,

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Main / Best spa treatments to help with grief
« on: January 22, 2009, 03:24:19 PM »
Hi there -

My mom has offered to buy me a massage. I have had several standard massages in the past and I'm curious about other types of spa treatments, and if anyone can recommend any kinds of treatments they've had that have helped with deep relaxation, release, and/or experiencing that elusive joy...

I have heard of something called Shirodhara which sounds really cool but I haven't yet been able to find any place near me (Seattle area) that does it.

This would really be a one-off treatment, or occasional, as I can't afford a long series.

FYI, I lost my husband five weeks ago tomorrow.

Wishing you all deep relaxation, release, and joy,
Jenny

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Recommended Grief Books / Healing After the Suicide of a Loved One
« on: January 18, 2009, 11:43:35 PM »
My husband killed himself one month ago today - or yesterday. We're not sure. A week or two after his death I checked out this book from the library and it really helped me put this tragedy into context and I think put me in the right frame of mind to start this horrible journey of grieving.

Includes lots of information about why we cannot take the blame for our loved one's suicide.

"Healing After the Suicide of a Loved One"
by Ann Smolin and John Guinan

Quick, easy read. I read it almost right through in a day or two.

I hope this can help some of you out there.

Love,
Jenny

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Main / Re: Missing my husband so much
« on: January 17, 2009, 03:34:47 PM »
Thank you, Kevin and Terri. Today I am still tired and a little angry. The good news is, today is the 4th day in a row I've taken a shower ... woo hoo!

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Main / Re: Missing my husband so much
« on: January 16, 2009, 03:29:35 PM »
My husband, Brian, took his own life one month ago after at least 15 years of struggling with depression and alcoholism. He was 38. We had been married six years, together for 10 total. No kids, which adds to the heartbreak.

I have been staying with my parents about 15 miles from home since it happened. They have been doing such a great job taking care of me and also letting me be when that's what I need. I am back at work as of 3 days ago, just part time for the first couple of weeks. I know I can't stay with my parents forever and I have to decide whether to move home (to my and my husband's house) or not. But reading all of these posts, it seems like leaning on my parents right now is making things a LOT easier than they would be otherwise.

I just want to make sure I clue in to when it starts becoming unhealthy for me to stay there and rely on them.

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