another Christmas

[Irene]

Hi,
    Today, was the third Christmas celebration without my mother. It has only been two years since she passed away, but the first Christmas was only a month after she died.
   I must admit, that it still seems awkward, that my mother is rarely mentionned, if at all in conversations with my brothers and sisters. I don't really understand this, but we were always a family, not to bring up conflict, anything controversial etc. .
  Yesterday, I was looking through an old drawer, for an item that I hadn't seen in a while. When I openned the drawer, I saw a brightly coloured card. I openned it up, and inside was a Christmas verse, as well as a message from my mom, wishing my family and I a wonderful Christmas. I have mentionned on this board before, that my mother always took extreme care in picking out cards. The message always had to be worded exactly with the words that she would have liked to use, and she always wrote in her own thoughts afterwards. I used to be impatient when I was younger, and try to speed things up, by picking out any card, that I would think would get us out of the store quicker, but it had to be the exact card and I was never able to get her to  search any faster.
  I like to think that these "finds" are more than coincidence. I know that my mother was always giving more of herself than she took, and the love that she had for me and I for her, has not died. Thankyou for listenning.
 

[Geraldine]

((((((((((((IRENE)))))))))))

I know what you mean, Alan died a month before Christmas, years passes but we still hurt.

I have noticed that the first year people will allow us to mention our loved one then their name is never mentioned anymore as if a decade or more had passed, kind of sad for I still want to sing the merits of my husband, I still want the world to know how wonderful an artist he was, and how sensitive he was, I know you too would like to be able to tell your family and friends about your mother.

After all it was our life as well and we cannot bury so many years we have shared with a person who meant colored our world.

Kind thoughts

[Lonnie]

Wow Irene: I don't think it was a coincidence either! One year right after my bio dad died, I was also going through some tablecloths, of all things, and found a Christmas letter that said he loved me, etc. I always felt like it was a meant to be message. I know that things would be easier if people WOULD let us talk freely about our loved ones. I always feel some tenseness when I bring up my stepdad or try to discuss anything that happened. But honestly, I feel that I am missing him this second Christmas more than the first. Probably because I was still in shock that first year.
Geraldine: You can talk to me about Alan's artistry and memories anytime. He was AMAZING if anyone hasn't seen his pictures!
Irene: I am always so touched by the relationship you and your mom had. I hope you know how beautiful and what a gift that truly is. So many are not as close. I am so thankful that you have lovely, warm memories, but that doesn't make it hurt any less, I know.
Merry Christmas Everyone! I consider the Grief And Healing Board  and the wonderful friends I have made here, one of my greatest blessings! Love, Lonnie

[Johnboy]

Hello

This is Johnnyboy

You know I also was close to my mother nd I havent hit that stage yet of finding thing because Ive been packed for about a year now and havent moved in anywhere firm yet but  I can understand the momories of silly little things would give. This memory that I want to share with you is of my father who I loved just as much but the connection and warmth I had recieved the day I got the little note was awesome. I went to school when i was about 11 or 12 and I had done a really good job of fixing or working around the house I think it was piling the wood for the stove anyway. My father always worked hard and late hour to put food on the table. I always wanted to impress him that next day i open my lunch pail and I found a little note in ther thanking me for doing such a good job and that he was proud of me. But for some reason I guess it comes in handy now but I held on to the little paper and I still have it to this day.

 And A memory that I shared with both my parents. I have had a friend who has specail needs since I moved to where I live now for about 5 or so yaers we met in public school then went to the same high school I cherish his friend ship like nothing else but anyway in my final year of school I wanted to do something special for this guy who always has a smile on and talks to anyone nomatter who are what they were about with no judgement. So i created an award for in and in his honour and at our high school Sport awards night I wrote a speech and presented it to him I had everyone crying i think. But when they called my for an award called the Above and beyond the call of duty award. I made the most important people in my life both cry my father who ive only seen cry once and my mother who I brought a kleenex for cause it was just something that i knew mom would do. But my father shook my hand that day and It will be one I will feel untill I pass myself. but I felt like i was ontop of the world with both my parents so very proud of me. I barried them with each of my awards from taht night say that they were the ones I earned them for.

Today marks the one year mark after they have passed and I think im going to be ok. Im just going to hold the torch my father passed to me by giving me his name high above my head so everyone can see who I am John Philip David Grubb

Merry Christmas everybody!

[Irene]

Hi Geraldine,Lonnie and Johnboy,

    Thanks very much for your replies. The beauty of this board, is that when I write these messages, I am guaranteed that someone out there understands.
 I was talking to a very close friend last night, and I explained the situation to her, that I think I am as close to being "healed" with this grief as I am ever going to be, but that doesn't mean that I don't miss my mom, and that I don't want to ever forget how important she was and still is, in my life. Geraldine, you are right in saying that, we would love to talk about our loved ones still. I join Lonnie in saying, that I would be happy to listen.
  Lonnie, once again thankyou. I appreciate that you always listen. Please feel free to talk about your father at any time. I hope that there will be some happy memories for you this Christmas, and I hope that it is not too difficult for you.
   Johnboy, you are I'm sure everything that your parents ever wished for in a son. I am in no doubt, that they were always and are still proud of you.
  I hope that you and everyone else here, is able to find some peace this Christmas.

[laurenE]

Well Irene, 

I think this board hates me.   I had once again logged in and had a nice lil reply to you.   Now I'm so frustrated that I dont know what to say anymore.

I dont think it was a coincidence that you foudn that card.   God always knows what we need,  at the perfect time.  Looks like He's lookin out for you, as usual.

Have a Merry Christmas and a big hug to you.

lauren E   
(cross your fingers......I'm gonna try to post this now). 

[Irene]

Hi Lauren,

   It's too bad that you are having trouble posting, as I really like the way that you write, and have appreciated the messages you send, from the time that I first joined this board.   
   You are great to remind me of God's love for us. My mother is probably patting you on the back, even as I write this. 
  I hope that you too have a wonderful Christmas.