Need to get a grip

[WendyRN]

As some of you know, I am a nurse on a maternity unit.  Yesterday and today were crazy busy days so I was a little stressed.  This afternoon, the head nurse and I had a little difference of opinion about breastfeeding.  BREASTFEEDING!!  The details are boring but she decided to "gently" berate me in front of my peers about not being a strong enough proponent of breastfeeding (of which she has no clue of my personal stance) as it is her firm belief that there is basically no place in this world for formula feeding a baby.  Anyway, we went back and forth for a few minutes and then she wandered off.  My mask saved me the rest of the afternoon...although all I wanted to do was sit and cry.  Over breastfeeding!  It is really so frickin' inconsequential in my life right now.  Job or no job.  But still I just wanted to sit and cry like a baby.  I almost got out of work before the familiar lump developed and I knew the tears would again come.  I hate being so overly sensitive.  Especially with stuff that has no real interest to me.  Anybody have any suggestions how to get a grip?

Wendy, Keith's mom

[Dena]

Wendy,

I have been where you are.  It is so hard, because what is major to someone else is trivial to us.  I can remember being that sensitive - you could have said Boo to me and I would have been in tears. 

What did I do?  Tons of deep breathing. I used every possible calming technique I could muster.  I cried a lot - tears are healing and needed from time to time.

In time, we find our own ways of coping and getting through it. 

Love,
Dena, Josh's Mom

[Brenda Taylors Mom]

((Wendy))) I don't have any ideas to give you. I am , I guess, overly sensitive. Maybe we all are now, we're heart broke, why wouldn't we be. Doesn't make us any less human. I don't think you deserved to be berated at all at work. A lot of mothers prefer not to breastfeed. I didn't breastfeed my kids and the nurses made me feel like I was a bad mom. I think it should be supported either way for the new mom. I'm sorry Wendy, there are cruel people who are anal about a lot of things, but there are good people too, and I love you. Brenda

[Rebecca]

Is there a way u can get out of maternity?  Maybe nurse surgery people, or take a leave of absence, or go to a desk job.  Even if the $ is less and u can afford to do it, maybe a change of environment.  When I was preg with my second preg, lost the first to a miscarriage, our son was stillborn.  They put me on the maternity floor, this was over 40 years ago.  I heard all the babies crying.  My mother and husband and Dr. would not let me see my son.  Right before lunch on the day I wa to be released, I got dressed and walked out of my room and waited in the waiting room.  There a dad was with his family and the Dr. came in and congratulated him and said "Its a boy"  I started screaming and lost it.  I still feel the pain today.  Not seeing either of my sons, dead, leaves me hollow.  They said that Jason looked very bad after 5 days and the funeral director begged our friend to make sure I did not see him.   I am just in a fog.  The only time I don't think I am in a real fog is when I am in my office with the door closed.  So, maybe you can make a switch.  If you want to, I hope u r able to.

Rebecca Jason's Mom

[WendyRN]

Rebecca, sometimes I do wonder if I can manage to finish my working life where I am.  I struggle EVERY single shift about going in to work.  Usually, though, once I'm at work I'm busy and involved and the day or nightshift goes by.  I used to work on a surgical floor for many years before taking the training for the birthing unit.  I was about 50 when I made the change.  It was an effort to go back to school.  The aging, forgetful brain doesn't remember things quite as easily!  I don't believe I have it in me to start again.  And the salary is good with all the overtime I want - if I ever want.  It is expected of me to stay and work fulltime. 

I came to work on the birthing unit for all the reasons you can imagine.  But with Keith now gone and my whole perspective of life changed, I sometimes want to let people in on a little secret.  Their petty little issues (both co-workers and patients) are just that.  This is the bitter part of me (I do, for the most part, keep to myself) that I can only hope will fade a little over time.  I must be doing something right because my patients and their families enjoy me as their nurse.  I am friendly and knowledgeable.  They just don't know what is sometimes lurking beneath my mask.....impatience and I guess jealousy (though I never really thought of that before.)

Wendy, Keith's mom

[SARAH()]

Wendy,

When I run into situation like that as a nurse, I always turn my focus away from the "pissing contest" (pardon my language) and back to my PATIENT.  In this case, my job as a nurse would be to advocate for my patient, not to promote my supervisors breastfeeding views.

There is no doubt that breast is nutritionally best for the baby.  But it also very important that the baby bonds with mom, which can be difficult with stressed out moms and a baby that won't latch on.  A mature, focused mom who really wants to breastfeed will work through that, but a less mature mom less comfortable with her body, or facing others stressors, may not.  Babies can and are nourished by formula (like most of my generation), and the nutritional value of breastfeeding should not trump what a mom feels is best for HER situation, of which your supervisor can not possibly understand unless she has walked in their shoes.

When I had my twins, and one died, and the other was in the NICU, I was demanded to produce breast milk.  I pumped every two hours.  I was so stressed out I could not produce milk.  I knew how to pump, having done it successfully before, so it was not my technique.  It was a combination of stress and early gestation.  the neonatologist made me feel very guilty.  about 10 days or so after my second baby died, my milk came in while I was taking a shower.  I huddled on the floor of the bathroom shaking and crying for hours.  When I went back two years later to give birth to my son, I was asked if I intended to breastfeed in a tone that indicated that was what was expected (kind of hippie out here).  I answered back that I would attempt to breastfeed, but if it didn't work out, my relationship with my baby was not going to revolve around me trying to make him nurse, and if I decided to go with formula, I didn't want to hear a word about it, and I expected everyone to just shut the f*** up.  The nurse shut up right then and there, wrote something in the chart, and I never heard another word.  Fortunately, my son was very adept at eating (still is), so it wasn't a problem, but I wasn't going to take it from anyone.  My point is, there are all kinds of reasons a woman might not want to breastfeed.  I never felt like I made a wrong decision when I stood up for my patients. 

good luck.  sounds like she has a bug up her butt............

Sarah

[Brenda Taylors Mom]

Oh Sara, I just cried when I read about your twins. You said it all so well about this issue too. Love, Brenda

[ytters-mom]

Wendy, i am new to the greif you have all delt with.  i know even with my own family they some times say some thing before they think. and never relize the pain they cause.  i often want to yell at my sisters "ok just try and feel what i would be like to never talk, see, touch your son again" they have no clue.
 
they still love me, but have no clue of my pain.

my escape is taking care of my dogs and now getting back into my business and taking care of it.

i hope your days will be better.
Donna