A zombie

[Rebecca]

I am walking around like a zombie.  I don't want to talk to my husband, or anyone for that matter.  I grit my teeth rather than talk.  How could it be 5 years since Jason died and how do I go on and then, now, I feel despondent.  Kids came around to sell girlscout cookies.  I always bought Jason several boxes of the mint.  He was a chocoholic and mint to.  Last week I bought my daughter a box of mint.  I called my sil to ask what kind he would like and he said:  none... I wanted to cry.  then he said:  We still have some of the mint.  So, I bought four boxes.  for who, I don't know.  Two choc mint because of Jason. I just feel like I am going to explode. I want to scream and cry like I use to but I can't because now I more numb than before.  I miss him so much and really so much more than ever before.  Everything reminds me of Jason.  I want an answer.  I can't even feel good spiritually.  I am in such pain and am taking meds for it.  I have not been back to the psych.  because I say the same things, over and over and I don't want to pay $50.00 for that.  Just venting.  Thanks for reading.

Rebecca Jason's Mom

[Terry]

I'm sorry you're feeling so bad. I understand. I'm sending you a big hug and my love.

Terry

[MelissaCharliesMom]

Just know I am holding you close in thought and sending the greatest gobs of strength and wishes for peace that I can muster...know I understand.

[Brenda Taylors Mom]

((( Rebecca))) I understand, and I'm so sorry .

[Dena]

(((((Rebecca)))))

We are here for you   - anytime. I am so sorry. I wish I could be there to give you a hug and just sit & listen. I understand where you are right now - I was there at about the same point in my journey.  For some reason, 5 years is so significant in our grief-journey.  It was for me too.  It is very frustrating when you reach a plateau with counseling and feel that you are not moving forward, but please be patient and don't give completely up on it.  Sometimes that little "nudge" is right there and that is all it takes to move you forward a little.

Love,
Dena, Josh's Mom