It hurts SOOOOOOO much

[Gail08]

Last night was another night I was missing my dear sister so much and the pain was just SO VERY STRONG.  It was one to those times when the burst of pain just hits SUDDENLY and it really knocks the breath out lf me.  Sometimes it is so hard to stay strong.  Sometimes I am afraid that next time I won't be able to stay strong enough to make it through and that REALLY scares me.  How do keep yourself ready for those bursts of pain?

[Luvinmike]

Hi Gail;
You are very articulate about how painful this is- I appreciate your honesty. I guess trying to stay healthy and strong as possible, while of course being run down by grief, may be one way to keep steady. I'm sorry for those frequent low times, I think try to remember that you are not alone in this. Thinking of you.
Terri

[ScottW]

Hi Gail.  I'm sorry to hear that you had such a difficult night.  I was in the movie theatre last weekend watching Blindside and I found myself crying hysterically during the middle of the movie.  I had to concentrate on controlling my breathing so as to not make a scene.  I understand your pain - we all do. 

It's a bit scary to hear you say that your "afraid you won't be strong enough next time . . ."  First of all - you WILL BE; always remember that.  I know we've talked 'off-line' about this but are you seeing a professional?  You might want to consider that.  To be honest, I often feel the way you described (will/can I make it)but going to a counselor and 'getting it out' seems to help . . . if only a bit.

Thinking about you -
Scott

[Lee901]

I can feel your pain. My sister took an over dose and died Nov 7th. It does hurt TOO MUCH! 'all I can do is to have faith in God and believe my sister is in a better place , as is your sister. My thoughts and prayers are with you and I ask God to comfort you in this MOST difficult time!
Lee

[clc100]

My brother died 7 months ago and I still burst into tears without warning on an almost daily basis. I really believe the sibling relationship is one of the strongest of all and to lose that is to lose part of yourself. We take for granted that we will grow old along side our siblings and they will mirror our life experience in a way that no one else can.

I just let the waves hit me (I really don't have a choice) and ride them out. They have gotten shorter over time and I can recover more quickly but grief is a life long process and will probably always be there.

[Gail08]

clc100, you are so right about the sibling relationship.  It is such a shame that the world does not see sibling loss as any big thing.  This site seams like the only place where there is people who understand the loss.  You say it has been 7 months since your loss and your pain waves have lessened.  It has been 15 months for me and the waves are just as strong as they ever were.   But it does help to know that there are people out there who do understand.

Thanks.

Gail

[clc100]

I highly recommend the book The Empty Room: Understanding Sibling Loss.  It is written by the sister of boy who inspired the Boy in the Plastic Bubble movie. She interviews siblings who have lost brothers/sisters throughout the life span and shows the recurring themes and the variety of ways people learn to cope. I found it at the library and after reading the 1st chapter, I felt less alone.

[Irene1007]

There are some places I don't want to go right now, with the memories.  Especially the conversations I had with my sister when she was in the hospital.  It's hard to be strong all the time.  Who says we have to?  I believe as time allows we will all get through this.  I told my husband that I can't be strong all the time and I'm not going to be together all the time. The waves of pain seem to come so unsuspectingly.  It's so hard at times, but everyday gets a little better and some day I know I will feel better. Thank-you for sharing your pain and I know you will ge through this. 

[Luvinmike]

Dear Lee901;
I am sorry for the loss of your dear sister. Glad you found the site. Thinking of you Gail, clc, and Irene.
Sincerely,
Terri

[Greg4950]

I woke up this morning thinking of my younger brother of 13 years who I lost on Jan.26th two days before his 48th birthday. I have always considered him my first child. He had 3 of his own a 18,12 and a 10 year old. I don't understand why he was taken so early. The men in my family have a history of bad hearts. My heart feels like it wants to break right now but my son in all his 25 years of wisdom tells me that he will not give up if I won't. See I also have cancer and it has returned for the second time. I cry but I will not let him down. He is finishing law school and I want to see him walk and receive that degree. I want to see the letter telling him he passed the bar. I want to see him walk down the asile with the love of his life. And I want to see my first  grandchild. Now I don't if God is going to let this happen on earth or somewhere else. I can only ask for forgivness and hope he excepts. I thinking of who I can call and on this Valintines day I wonder if it's right to put this on their plate. You are right "It hurts SOOOOOOO much". He will be my Valintine. I wish I could bear hug him one more time. So hug someone today. I will and think of him.