Preparing for the Holidays

[clc100]

We just endured the 4 month anniversary of my brothers death this past Friday (Oct. 30). The grief is still overwhelming at times but I have come out of the general haze that I was in for the first 3 months. But I still find myself crying daily, usually in the car, especially hearing music from the 70's, which will forever remind me of my brother.

I am struggling with what I know will be an overwhelming grief on Thanksgiving. My brother almost didn't even celebrate holidays but Thanksgiving was his day. I don't know how I will manage on that day. I almost want to disappear completely for the day but I feel I have to be there for the rest of my family since there is a collective dread.

Does anyone have any experience with how they handled those 1st holidays?

[laurenE]

I'm sorry for your loss.   You are right in that the first holidays are difficult.  But oftentimes  the idea of spending that day w/o your loved one is more difficult than the actual day.   

Change the routine of the day if you feel the need to do this.   If it brings you pain to fix your brothers favorite pie, then dont do it.   It if brings you comfort, then by all means bake that pie.

If the idea of spending the entire day celebrating Thanksgiving  with the whole big family is too much for you, then allow yourself to leave early.  Tell your family that you will be coming after dinner   or will be leaving shortly after dinner.  And then if you feel like staying longer,  you can do so,   but at least you have an "out" to leave early if celebrating is too painful or exhausting for you.

Light a candle or set a place at the table for your brother, if this will help you feel like you are not fogetting him.   If it brings more pain then of course dont do it.
I guess the bottem line is, do what will bring healing and peace to you on that day.   
YOU have to think of YOU now,  and whatever will make it easier for YOU.