anniversary

[mt2186]

the anniversary of my dad's death is quickly approaching. It feels too difficult to even think or talk about it. What do people do on the anniversary day? I'm planning on taking the day off work. But I honestly have no idea what I want to do or what would feel good to do on that day. It seems like nothing will make me feel better. Has anyone here dealt with this? Any ideas?

[flamingofred]

I have lost my father when I was in my early twenties and my husband just over a year ago.

I have found that you need to do what you want to do.  I struggled with what I should do when their anniversary arrived but then on that day I just went with what felt natural.

Already taking the day off is following your own instincts so just continue to follow them.

When my husbands year anniversary was approaching I had no idea what I was actually going to do other than take the day off.  When the day hit I just did what I felt I wanted to do --- I took some of his ashes to an off lease doggie park with our doggie - my husband loved this park cause if you sit on the bench you could see the Rockies - so I sat on the bench and let some of his ashes go - even though it was sad it felt good - I felt like I was taking care of him again.

My recommendatin is do what you feel like you want and feel comfortable doing.

Flamingo Fred

[georgiapeaches]

Hi Mt,
I agree with flamingo, I went to work on the anniversaries, and just remembered all the good times. It was hard,but I was around alot of people who understand. The only thing I do wish I could do is walk into the churches and light a candle, and up here they keep the churches locked, so instead I just light a candle in my house and say a prayer.  I put a table in my upstairs hallway and put all my little statues and pictures and my husbands lamp (with his ashes) so its kind of a memory table of my mom and dad, my husband and rocky ( the family pet for 10 years ) he just couldnt live without Johnny, and I put the lamp on when we go to bed because My husband Johnny use to stay up at night and watch over us, so its like he still does, thats just what I did, who knows what next year will bring, i might break a wall down  , do what makes you feel good. I know I ramble, but I hope it helped.

Georgia.

[bluegrass1965]

Is there something that he especially loved--a place he went often, or an activity he enjoyed?

you could listen to music he liked

donate to an appropriate charity in his name, etc.

to recognize the 1-yr anniversary of my husband's mom's death, we donated money to a city park for their tree planting program....my husband seemed to be comforted by the thought of something new growing in her memory.

[tsurandy]

The first anniversay of my Mama's death was this past September, I went to the Cemetery (which I do often) and talked to my siblings, we talked about the past year without Mama and talked about some of the good times we had in the past.  It is a difficult time and my thoughts and prayers are with you.

[NoriB]

Hello, I'm new to this site. November 24th is the first anniversary of my husband's death. He was 65 years old, was partially paralyzed by a stroke 3.5 years before that; a second, more serious stroke led to his death 4 months later. I find myself looking at the calendar and remembering vividly what was happening a year ago. On this date a year ago, he was taken to the ER from the nursing home for the last time. He had his 5th episode of pneumonia, GI tract infections and he was delirious. He stabilzed for a couple of days, then went into respiratory distress. I am still upset that I went home that night and he died early the next morning and I wasn't there.

I seem to re-live in my mind, everything that happened over the next few days.

I feel like I should also have some sort of ritual to commemorate his passing. My famly is Buddhist, and the death anniversaries are honored with incense, lighting of a candle and a prayer. At the same time, I feel like I should schedule something joyful and thankful. The last few years being a caregiver to my husband was very difficult, and I feel I have a new lease on life.

I feel very split, in my feelings of appreciation for my life now, and all the sadness and suffering that happened last November and the years preceding it. Thank you for letting me share.

NoriB

[Gail08]

My suggestion would be this:  If you and your Dad did things together choose one or two of ya'll's favorite things to do together and do those things on the anniversary.  That is how I got through the anniversary of my sister's passing.  I actually felt that she was there with me as I was doing the two things I chose to do.  I just pray for peace for you and your family on that day.

Gail

[Luvinmike]

Dear mt2186;
How are you doing. Is it the second year anniversay since you lost your Dad? Sorry for the pain and uncertainty in this grief. Sending you strength and friendship. Thinking of you.
Terri

[Luvinmike]

Dear Nori;
So sorry for the loss of your dear husband. I don't think there are right or wrong feelings in this grief (I lost my husband too). It is important to take good care of you. Be gentle with yourself and do what feels best to you. Please feel free to start a new topic and introduce yourself also. Please share and read here however you feel comfortable. Glad you found us.
Terri