Without You, My Entire Life Is Meaningless

[JuliansShadow]

My name is Gabriele, I am Julian's older brother; we are twenty two months apart in age.

I lost my little brother Julian the 24th of November, 1996 to Cystic Fibrosis, a fatal genetic abnormality. He was 11.

Therapists and grief counselors say not to blame your mistakes or problems on the loss of a loved one, it only invalidates their death.

But Julian is my everything; he ismy best friend, my ward and angel. I have several brothers but none of them share the same empathetic link Julian and I have. I find myself growing more and more distant from them and the rest of my family: I never speak with our father, I can barely tolerate my own mother, my uncles and aunts are in the dark about everything.

I've been on a descending spiral since Julian died: I nearly flunked out of high school, was expelled from college, discharged from the military for a suicide attempt, have estranged myself from lovers and many friends...I feel that anything I set my mind to is vapid and in vain. Is it right to blame all my problems on something that befalls everyone? Is my loss so powerful it must inhibit all I do?

Julian is my little angel and I need him more than ever.

[browneyedgirl]

Dear Gabe ~ so sorry for the loss of your brother, I am also sorry that you have been going though so much.

I, too, lost my brother, it is a horriable empty feeling. 

You have come to the right place, I hope the site helps you as it has helped me.

[Luvinmike]

Dear Gabe;
Thinking of you and hoping you are doing okay today. Tell us more about your family when and if you choose too. Deep breaths and baby steps.
terri

[Terry]

"Julian is my little angel and I need him more than ever."

((((( Gabriele )))))

I 'do' understand that when we've lost someone so near and so dear to us, that we have to charter a new course for our future because all of our feelings of security, our entire foundation, who we 'were', all of the plans/dreams we shared with this special person, are no longer within our reach.

And so we reach in a 'new' or 'different' direction and in time we realize that we are deserving of goals and dreams for 'our' future, as difficult as it may be and also, challenging because it hurts so deeply to 'have' to and without them. I ran-against-the-wind Gabriele for so long until it finally wore me down. It's such a long, painful process.

I'm so sorry that you're having to live without your best little buddy, your angel, your precious brother. He sounded like such a gift and so special. And, he was blessed to have you in his life. I'm sure he was proud of his big brother!

I am from the Child Loss Board and that is where I saw your posts and so I wanted to acknowledge the loss of your precious Julian and I hope you find the comfort/understanding and support that I have from this site.

Holding you close with thoughts of "Julian"

My love,
Terry

[Gail08]

Gabe,
I just wanted to let you know that there is someone here that understands EXACTLY where you are coming from when you say that Julian was your EVERYTHING.  My sister was my EVERYTHING as well.  My life is so incomplete now as I know you feel as yours is too.  I know what I am about to say is hard to do, but it is what we have to do.  We have to keep their memory alive and think about what they would want us to do.  They would want us to continue to live our lives, setting goals, and reaching those goals.  But while doing that, if we keep them close in heart and mind we can move on. 

Stay strong and continue to visit here.  You will find there are so many people here who understand your pain and that will be a start in your healing.

Gail