New to this forum...

[Linda1977]

I am new to the forum. 

My mom was killed by a drunk driver in December.  It all still feels so UNREAL as it did back in December.  I still can't believe it.  This guy was an illegal immigrant and was so drunk that he was passed out at the wheel, crossed over the center line, and plowed into my mom.  He is now serving a lousy 3 years for this crime, at which time he will get a free trip back to Mexico.

 My mom was awake after she was hit, a passerby stopped and my mom told her to call "her husband" (our dad). So, she probably became unconscious after they had to use the jaws of life to get her out.  It had to be so scary for her! None of us could get there fast enough!  My husband actually got there quick enough to see them put her in the ambulance.  But, they stick him in the ambulance with the GUY THAT KILLED HER!  Go figure!

 I will never forget the phone call I received from my dad that night.  You never think that you will ever be one of "those families" that will have something like this happen.  Our mom was unconscious by the time we all got to her.  No one should ever see their loved one like that.  She was all busted up and it didn't even look like her.  It was a violent death.  WE DIDN'T GET TO TELL HER GOODBYE!  They tried to save her and bring her back to us, but after 30 hours, it was decided she was gone and we had to let her go.  The visions of that night still haunt a lot of us.  Now we have to go on and PRETEND that life is still worth living.  I say that because I feel like I am pretending all the time.  And it feels like it is all downhill from here.  I don't want to feel this way.  My family needs me to be normal.  We were very close to our mom. She was a wonderful lady and everyone that met her, loved her.

I just am numb most days....

[SoCal2010]

Hi Linda,

I'm so sorry to hear about your Mom. I just lost my Mom 2 months ago so I can relate to your feeling of numbness. I think it's the brain's way of protecting us from feeling too much pain all at once.

I can't believe the creep only got 3 years. I hope the guilt will torture him forever.

I'm so sorry you are going through this trauma. The people here are very supportive so I'm glad you found the forum.

(((hugs)))

[tsurandy]

Linda, I am sorry for your loss, I lost my Mama a year ago this morning, I struggle each day to get through, this forum means a lot to me, I read often, even though I may not post.  My heart aches for you!

[Linda1977]

Thank you for replying to my post.  I am sorry for your loss also.  It still doesn't feel real to me. 

There is no love like a mom's love, I guess.  I am glad that I had it, but want it BACK! 
My head knows that my mom is gone, but my heart STILL doesn't know it.  It was just so sudden.

Thanks again....YOU hang in there also.

Linda

[SoCal2010]

I agree, there isn't any other type of love like a Mom's love. It's really the definition of unconditional love. I know no one cares about me like my Mom did. No one will worry about me like she did, or want the best for me like she did. I have other family and friends, but it's different and to not acknowledge that wouldn't be honest. That's probably why the loss feels so big.

What sometimes helps me is when I meditate and remember how loved I felt by her. I bring the love (or the feeling of the love anyway) into the present. That helps me because then I remember that just because she is physically gone, it doesn't mean her love for me is gone. Your Mom's love is always all around you. She wants the best for you and she wants you to be okay. So you have to take care of yourself for her sake. We all have to do that.

(((hugs)))

[georgiapeaches]

Dear Linda,
I want to welcome you to this forum and tell you how so sorry I am for the loss of your sweet mom. I lost my mom last November to colon cancer and my husband suddenly April '08. The people on this site are very understanding and supportive. I hope you can find some peace here.

georgia.

[browneyedgirl]

Linda ~ I am very sorry for the loss of your mother. 

You've come to the right place...everyone here cares.

Take care of yourself!

[Linda1977]

Thanks to all the posts.  It is so appreciated and much needed right now.  Here it is 3 months PRIOR to the anniversary  of our mom's death and a lot of us are struggling ALREADY.  My husband told me today that he felt that I needed to get grief therapy.  It just doesn't appeal to me to share with someone my sadness and expect them to say anything that will help.  Anytime I pick up a dealing with grief type of book, it just makes me upset and right now, I am TIRED OF CRYING!

Thanks again for listening.....

Linda

[tsurandy]

Hi Linda, I am so sorry for all you have been through. My thoughts and prayers are with you!

[erinatkins]

Hi Linda,

Welcome to the forum. I know my mom has been dead for years, my dad died in January and my husband in April.

I can relate to be tired of crying. I have considered counseling but I keep deciding against it not sure why. I do have a few friends who listen and can relate to a degree. Those are people I talk to more.

Erin

[Linda1977]

Erin,
Thanks for your post.  I am sorry for your loss also.... Some people "get it", but a lot of people are sorry but just don't "get it" until they have suffered a tremendous loss.  It seems that way anyway. So, this forum is good for sharing with others that "get it".  I appreciate that very much.

It is just so weird how some days I am handling it okay and other days, like here lately, I am just a mess.  My mom was a very active 75 year old lady who still held down a job and was basically very healthy still.  We just feel like we were ROBBED of quite a few years because of a stupid, drunk driver.  And our mom had such a sweet heart that NEVER talked badly about anyone.  Everyone loved her personality...  We miss her terribly..

Linda

[dc264]

Hi!  Can someone tell me if you can see this message.  This is my first time to be on here and I'm not sure if you can see this.

dc264

[dc264]

Erin,
Thanks for your post.  I am sorry for your loss also.... Some people "get it", but a lot of people are sorry but just don't "get it" until they have suffered a tremendous loss.  It seems that way anyway. So, this forum is good for sharing with others that "get it".  I appreciate that very much.

It is just so weird how some days I am handling it okay and other days, like here lately, I am just a mess.  My mom was a very active 75 year old lady who still held down a job and was basically very healthy still.  We just feel like we were ROBBED of quite a few years because of a stupid, drunk driver.  And our mom had such a sweet heart that NEVER talked badly about anyone.  Everyone loved her personality...  We miss her terribly..

Linda

HI Linda I am sorry for your loss.  I know what you mean when people say they are sorry, but until you have gone thru this you really don't know.  I lost my brother in Oct 2008, and my fiancee in April 2009 and I feel like my world has ended.  I hope to find some comfort here if I can learn how to communicate on this thing.
dc264

[sevenofwands]

I am so so sorry for your loss, Linda.  What a dreadful, appalling thing to happen to such a lovely lady.  Your indignation, sense of outrage, sadness and unbelievable loss are so understandable.  I am truly sorry.

All the best
Seven