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[Lins]

I am only 23. I should still have my dad. I have some many questions that cannot be answered. I think about how long it could be before I see him again. I still wear his watch, carry the last pack of cigarettes and keep his truck off limits to everyone, i want to keep it just the way he had. I love it when I open the truck door and the smell hits me its comfort like he still here. I like talking to you guys, you can't see me cry. Everyone thinks i'm going crazy, but I feel as though I have the weight of the world on my shoulders. I was my Daddy's little girl since the he brought me home from the hospital. Now, he's been taken from me. he was always on my fighting side no matter what i had done. I MISS HIM SO MUCH MY HEART ACHES.

THANKS FOR READING

[tsurandy]

Lins, I am sorry for the loss you have experienced.  I understand the pain.  Here on the forum, you will find a great deal of support, write often or just read, bless you.

[cokieslittlegirl]

Hi Lins,

I am very sorry to hear that you lost your dad. This is not a place that any of us want to be, but here at least we are understood.

I am 33, only child and I also lost my Dad.  He died on Feb 11, just over 7 mos ago after battling 13 mos with a very aggressive cancer.  I should still have my father too.  He was the center of the universe to me my whole life. Now he has been ripped away. He was a good man, unbelievably smart, sweet, compassionate and inquisitive of everything and everyone around him.  And there are no more conversations, no more hugs, daddy kisses, no one will ever call me "boo" or "Littles" ever again. There are so many more questions I want to ask him about life.  He gave much to the world and he so did not deserve to lose his life so early.

But, this is the way life works sometimes for some of us, and it is what we are dealt.  I don't mean to sound dismissive about it at all - it's just the answer I have to come back to after suffering with this for 7 mos. 

I want to be able to tell you that it gets better...but I can't...yet.  Some things are different since Dad died, not better, but I think I've learned to COPE with them better.  Other things, thoughts, tasks, etc... are more difficult now and I'd be lying if I told you I'd rather be awake than asleep. But it's only been 7 mos for me and I have a long way to go as my relationship with my dad was extraordinary.

What I can tell you is that I keep going Lins, just putting one foot in front of the other. Focus on today, or the hour, or the minute and don't try to tackle what's in the future. Little steps to make it thru the day. Sleep and try to keep eating, get outside.  Don't let anyone force you to "feel better" or "get over it" - do it all on your own time.  These things are monumental at times, overwhelming.  But I keep going because my daddy wants me to and needs me to. He raised me to be a strong independant woman and somehow I will have to survive this, for me and for him. You can too, for your dad, one step at a time.

I am here for you if you'd like to talk.  And again, I am so terribly sorry that you have to experience this pain.

Take care,
keri